It was all women at that meeting. As I saw it, they all had alcoholic husbands and I had an alcoholic wife—a completely different situation. One man came in a few minutes late.  Afterwards, as I was fleeing, he tackled me in the parking lot. He suggested the Wednesday night men’s meeting. What kept me coming back was the hour-long conversation with two men in the parking lot afterwards—they listened. On the way home, I realized it was the first time anyone had listened to me without telling me what to do. We eventually became life-long friends.

I quickly settled into several meetings and found a home group that had many men in attendance. A long-timer said that I should make coffee. I said, “Someone already has.” She replied, “I meant for October, November, and December.” I am still unsure if that was a suggestion. My over-developed need to please got me there every week, which was the whole idea.

After a while, my name appeared on the calendar to speak at the meeting. I asked the person next to me what I should talk about. “Serenity,” he said.  “I don’t think I have any,” I replied. “Talk about how you lost it,” he said. It is so nice to have choices!
Soon, my young children began attending Alateen and our behavior started to change. After several years in Al‑Anon, I sensed the universality of the program while listening to a young woman tell her story at an anniversary meeting.

I don’t recall if she was the A.A. or Al‑Anon speaker, but she qualified for both. At the time, I was a mid-50s white male raising two daughters. She was a 25-year old African-American woman who was bi-sexual, cross-addicted, and a dual member.

Our stories were very different, but the feelings that led her to what she did were the same feelings that led me to do what I did. It was clear to me that our lives had put us on different paths with a common destination—recovery.

After 25 years in the program, I noticed the Preface to Courage to Change (B-16) and I quote, “Because these selections are based on sharings from individuals, they contain references to gender and specific relationships, but the thoughts are applicable to people in all walks of life.”

Al‑Anon helps me make sense of the changes in my life. Being with other Al‑Anon members helps me realize I am not alone. We are going through the same kinds of changes—and we are doing it together.

By Michael H., New York
The Forum, January 2012

© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2012. All Rights Reserved.