The Forum Magazine

The Forum Magazine

Al-Anon's monthly magazine, The Forum, contains many personal stories of inspiration, some of which are made available each month on the Internet by authorization of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.

I spent more nights than I can remember lying awake, tossing and turning over past mistakes and the ever-growing fear of the future with an alcoholic. I would wake in the middle of the night and not be able to return to sleep. I agonized over the seemingly horrible decisions of my past, which morphed into the blackness of despair for my hopeless future.

Loving an alcoholic is like being on a roller coaster. The ride involves unexpected twists and turns, and things can get very scary. One moment I’m riding high and enjoying the view, and in the next instant, I am plunging to new depths. Just when I think the ride has come to an end, it seems I am taken on another crazy adventure. At times, things are upside down, and I feel like throwing up or jumping off the ride.

Last night I attended my regular Al‑Anon meeting. No topic had been planned, and no one had volunteered to chair the meeting. So, one of the members stepped up to take on the topic of Step One. As she spoke, it became clear to me how totally powerless I was over the alcoholic and how totally unmanageable my life had been before Al‑Anon.