I No Longer Feel Broken

In the years before I came to Al‑Anon, I felt persecuted—first by my own stinking thinking and secondly by the verbal abuse thrown at me by my alcoholic husband. The abuse went on for 18 years. We met as seniors in high school, and at first, we were best friends. We went to college and partied together, but years later, after our son was born, the effect of the disease manifested itself in every decision and discussion we had. I thought I was living in a mental institution, and I was becoming emotionally and mentally attached to the craziness of this disease.

I came to Al‑Anon 13 years later—broken mentally, emotionally and physically. Although I had a responsible job, my personal life was a disaster. I didn’t want serenity because I thought it was boring. I had no sense of who I was or what I needed and wanted in life.

I heard a story at my first meeting that was more disastrous than mine, and I was drawn to the spiritual words of the Serenity Prayer and the Twelve Steps. I felt accepted.

I heard, “Take what you liked and leave the rest.” For the first time, I felt that what I was doing and who I was as a person was okay. I did not feel that I was being judged, nor that I had to fit in, which gave me the willingness to keep coming back.

By Judy T., Oregon

The Forum, July 2018

2018-06-29T15:41:13+00:00June 29, 2018|Categories: Alcoholic Spouse or Partner, The Forum|


  1. Kellie O July 2018 at 7:08 pm

    I really needed to hear that I’m not alone. You just described my first marriage of 18.5 years (total time together 19.5 years) and unfortunately now my second marriage. I feel like I’m trying to find people to fix or they’re trying to find me, maybe it’s both. It feels good to know that you’re moving forward positively. I REALLY and truly pray it continues and only gets better from here. I’ve been trying to get myself to go since I heard of Al-Anon. I don’t understand why I’m trying to get myself to go, it should be easy, you know? Just get up and go. I’ve tried to figure out if I’m scared of what I’ll find out about my husband, our situation, or maybe myself and my choices with his problem. I can’t get over how much you described my situation. Thank you again for posting.

  2. Tammy V. July 2018 at 6:18 pm

    I truly understand, I’ve been in Al-Anon, but in a bitter sweet situation. I am in a homeless shelter because my husband is driving me crazy, emotionally and mentally. He doesn’t have to do much. I do enough on my own with my own stinking thinking. But I was a double dipper, Al-Anon and AA. I walked away from it all because my husband said we didn’t need it. We have our church. Oh how I was wrong! Now I need to find a meeting and get to it. Thanks.

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