Before I found Al‑Anon, I thought there was something wrong with me because I loved an alcoholic. I didn’t understand how I could continue to love someone whose behavior was insane when drinking. I felt alone and isolated with these feelings and felt that, if I could only figure out the right way to behave around the alcoholic, the drinking would stop.
Through Al‑Anon, I have learned that alcoholism is a disease and that I can love the person, but hate the disease. I have also learned that I have been affected by it, too and that I can feel angry about that. But I can be gentle with myself and remember that I am doing the best I can, just like the alcoholic is. I am able to see the alcoholic in my life as more than just an alcoholic. I can see the loving, caring, funny and smart person there too. I can love this person, simply and honestly. And I can love myself, too.
By Hilary S., Wisconsin
The Forum, December 2017
This is my first time reaching out for help outside of my close friends. My family knows I’m dating an alcoholic and although they’ve grown to like him, they do not accept that I keep putting myself in such a painful situation. My boyfriend is a binge drinker, meaning I can have 2 months of happiness followed by 2 weeks of loneliness and depression. We both want to be in each other’s lives but I don’t know what to do. He’s not ready to change. I love him. I want to help him. I want him to change but I… Read more »
I am married to an alcoholic. He wasn’t always this way. But then last few months it has become very clear that’s what he is. I’ve tried to protect him and shield the children. I have 3 daughters, he has one. In October, I found out my eldest was self harming, in her defence of trying to stop school telling me she said I would hit her, not true and bless a child’s wisdom! Turned out she was being groomed to self harm. My husband went on a drinking binge for 2 weeks and I was so devastated about my… Read more »
1 year ago I have a good man who is an alcoholic. He is different sober too. I set a boundary. If he falls off the wagon, I move out of his house and into mine. I am lucky I have a place to go to. My son who works and goes to college lives at my house. I have huge trust issues with him now because of the lying and hiding the drinking. He is never mean or abusive to me. He is truly a good guy who makes a good living but is an addict and already has… Read more »
Hey guys, like some of you, I never planned on loving this person. I love everything about him, except when he drinks. I had seem him at gatherings and he got pretty wasted and I just assumed on the big parties he let loose. As we got into a relationship I realized it is every party and then some. He can go days without a sip, but as soon as he cracks a beer he can’t stop. He doesn’t stop until he is so incapacitated that he pisses all over himself and where ever he happened to pass out. We… Read more »
Hello, my girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for over two years now and you can imagine it hasn’t always been easy for us. We’ve had more than our share of arguments and trust issues and I’ve recently learned that she has been drinking at night during our conversations each night. I’ve asked her if she feels that our relationship problems has caused her drinking and she has said no. I told her that I don’t know if what she says during our conversations is really her talking or the alcohol? Concerning the trust issues I… Read more »
I’m suffering the exact same situation these women have mentioned. I’ve only been married to my husband 2 1/2 years, his children have stopped talking to him. He’s been to rehab twice, has relapsed numerous times. He has been abusive, he drinks 24/7. He is a retired marine. He is struggling so bad and is letting it consume him and his health. He is deteriorating right in front of me, he is physically deteriorating, everyday he sits on the couch in pain being bloated, his organs are not functioning properly mostly his liver, then kidneys and pancreas, he can barely… Read more »
My husband had a drinking problem long before I met him. I told him when we first started dating that I could not be with someone who drank so he gave it up and did good for years. Then he started drinking again he said he was going through a hard time so I didn’t say anything. It started out as one drink a night but eventually got worse until he was drinking before going to work and he worked with children. So I told him no more and he stopped for several more years. I won’t say he didn’t… Read more »
I’m glad I found this thread and I’m not alone. I finally had to take my partner to a hotel as I couldn’t bear to be with him in the house any longer. I am also afraid that I’m gonna call the hotel and they’re gonna tell me that he’s dead. It’s a tough disease to shake and I know that I’m not at fault even though he blames me for everything. Hearing that there are others out there helps me realize that it’s not just me and it is not my fault alcohol takes over but the person has… Read more »
My boyfriend of 7 months left five days ago for 6 months intensive treatment & I am for lack of a better word …lost. I am not sure how long the no-contact rule is, when/if he can call me, when/if he can write me (I know he currently cannot write letters to anyone). And right now I am trying to focus on myself & let him get well so that he can stay alive. It is hard as hell not being able to hear from him to know he is okay, even though I KNOW he is okay. I have… Read more »
I started loving my husband right away before I knew he was an alcoholic, before I knew he was completely divorced. He had told me he was divorced But not on paper when I confronted him. It’s as though every time I step forward and make a strive for the better, something more happens that just tears me down. Loving him has been the best thing that ever happened to me and the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve been physically abused by him and physically abused him. It stopped about a year ago and we are Married… Read more »
Thank you.
Love the person, hate the disease.. absolutely. I’m so sick and tired of having to defend why I am still with a man who, above all, is trying to get better. My fiancé has gone away to rehab again, after several relapses and awful liver damage later.. and as he is away out of town, I am now hearing all the chatter about “how awful he is” and how “he’s such a deadbeat” etc. Yes, he has hurt people through his drinking absolutely. Lying, sneaking, and just being plain old obnoxiously drunk. I am not making any excuses for that… Read more »
I have a good man who is an alcoholic. He is different sober too. I set a boundary. If he falls off the wagon, I move out of his house and into mine. I am lucky I have a place to go to. My son who works and goes to college lives at my house. I have huge trust issues with him now because of the lying and hiding the drinking. He is never mean or abusive to me. He is truly a good guy who makes a good living but is an addict and already has liver damage. I… Read more »
Two years ago, my wife returned to her native country to attend rehab and then sanctuary herself in the loving support of her family. It seemed like a very good idea. For most of that time, it seemed to be working. Or so I thought. What an extraordinary creature! She is what I love most about the world. I live in terror that she will die. And I am powerless to help her. She’s literally ten thousand miles away now. All that’s left is this: Should I prepare to say goodbye? She seems planning to die. I have no judgement… Read more »
Thank you. I’ve experienced some of the most debilitating traumas, but being in love with an alcoholic partner has taken the largest toll. I don’t know what our future holds, but I’m comforted knowing there are others like me out there.
So I love my fiance. Like everyone else says above he’s the nicest man when he’s sober. But when he drinks he’s argumentative. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me so he started lying about drinking, which makes it worse. I mean does he think I’m stupid enough to believe an energy drink is a beer when I know what the can he drinks look like? Then when he’s being drunk he says leave him because he doesn’t want to hurt me. I want to go and build a happy life by myself. But I don’t… Read more »
I too, have had too many run ins with alcoholics, starting 25 years ago. I cried reading your comment. I am in the middle of an ugly divorce from an alcoholic of 19 years. Been separated over a year and about to lose my house. I have three teen children. My ex was verbally abusive. I have not worked in 17 years. My youngest begged me to divorce. This past year, my ex has put the verbal abuse he had done to me on all my children. I did what I could to stop him, but it was during his… Read more »
I’m on the struggle bus. Truly. Oh how I adore my wife. I mean so deeply and profoundly that it hurts. I feel like I fail when she is drunk or drinking. The lies ALWAYS ensue. I can tell by her speech that she’s on one! It is like extracting the truth from a group of toddlers that broke into the cookie jar. It’s never just yeah I’m drinking again or yeah I’m sorry. I don’t get “I’m sorry!” Somehow it’s my fault or I’m overreacting bc there’s nothing wrong with having a couple drinks! Well maybe not to someone… Read more »
My alcoholic girl friend has really caused me to feel depressed. All I want to do is save her I thought I could by showing her love but that’s not enough. She stops for a couple of days and promises not to drink again. She cries she wants help but cant live without the alcohol. I love her but I’m ready to leave she was trying to get hit by a car today because she was drunk and can’t stop drinking.
I’m an alcoholic. thank u ladies for putting up with us