My Denial Finally Breaking

The hardest part of working the Al‑Anon program for me is making the continuous effort to be honest. My husband was an alcoholic and has been dead for many years now. However, I still struggle with being honest about my feelings, about the true facts of our life together and how I contributed to our insanity. I am so good at denial. I see now that our children were hurt by my dishonesty with them about where their father had gone—usually drinking—or why he was sick—usually with a hangover. I told my parents we couldn’t visit them because of school conflicts when, in fact, he was too sick from binging for us to travel. I told his boss he couldn’t go to work because he was repairing his truck when, in truth, he was drinking. I told people at church he couldn’t come on Sunday because he had work to do. All along I told myself that I was happy, that the kids were growing up just fine, and that he’d settle down one day soon. Only in Al‑Anon did I find the support I needed to look at my life honestly, to accept my failures and understand the truth. I saw denial for what it was—an excuse not to live life fully.

By Rhoda S., Texas

The Forum, September 2018

2018-08-30T17:07:17+00:00August 30, 2018|Categories: Alcoholic Spouse or Partner, The Forum|

9 Comments

  1. OSM October 2018 at 11:39 am

    You could visit a local Al-Anon meeting. That is where you can find support from people who know what you’re dealing with. Find them at https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/find-an-al-anon-meeting/.

  2. Fernanda September 2018 at 10:39 pm

    I haven’t done A-Alnon metting yet but my boyfriend is an alcoholic. I need help.

  3. R September 2018 at 6:20 am

    I am here looking for major help. My husbands drinking probably has been going on our entire marriage. He hides it from me because he knows I don’t like it. My mother was an alcoholic. I’ve been in denial with my husband’s alcoholism. I need help before my own health breaks down anymore from the stress.

  4. Tina September 2018 at 5:36 pm

    I’ve been married for 34 years. My husband drank most of those years. My marriage has hit rock bottom. My husband is very verbally abusive. I need help. I wish I knew where there was meetings I could attend.

  5. Nadene September 2018 at 6:01 pm

    My husband is a weekend drunk. He works at a great job, but come Friday after work he is drunk until Sunday morning he goes to church. He tells me he drinks 1 or 2 drinks. But he has a bottle in one hand and beer in the other, drinks till it’s gone then goes gets more on Saturday. And blames me for so much. I am starting Al-Anon Saturday to see what I can do to help him. After 34 years of marriage, he’s hurt me over and over. I’ve ran out of things to do. I’m nowhere near a drinker. Hopefully, I can learn something.

  6. MARTHA September 2018 at 12:15 am

    I am looking for a nearby meeting as well.

  7. MARTHA September 2018 at 12:13 am

    I am new to all this, but I am looking to learn as I live with a recovering alcoholic that now has switched to pot. I do not know how to help and seem to make matters worse in so many ways.

  8. Vicki September 2018 at 7:45 am

    Al-Anon has saved my life.

  9. Kimberley September 2018 at 11:38 am

    This is so true for me too. I have been going to Al non meetings. This program I find is to be very important in my life. I no longer make up stories or live in denial because of my husband disease. I’m learning a lot about myself and how to handle different situations when dealing with my husband. I’m very thankful for this program. I’m learning a lot about how to cope and set boundaries. I have finally come to love myself also.

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