The moment I noticed something wasn’t right with my parents was when I needed help with my homework one day, and I asked my dad to help me. When I went over to him, he had a beer in his hand, and he hid it behind his back, saying, “I will be right there,” while shooing me away. I thought, Why did he hide it behind his back? I felt confused and upset. My parents were getting into fights at that time, and I felt too scared to tell my mom because I just thought it would start up another war between them. After that, I became a fixer. I always held in my emotions in order to try to fix the fighting between my parents and keep peace in my home.
Sometime after this, my mom began going to Al‑Anon and had been active in the program for a year when my dad went away for rehab. My parents sat us down the night before, and my dad admitted that he had a drinking problem. At first, after hearing what my dad said, I felt unemotional; I didn’t know how to feel. The next morning, my dad left, and I thought, Why is this happening to me? Watching my dad leave made me feel overwhelmed. That was nearly three years ago.
When my mom introduced me to Alateen, I honestly thought it was going to be very boring. I felt like I didn’t need to go, like I had everything figured out, and I was fine. Before Alateen, I felt as if I couldn’t talk about my feelings at all, whether I was sad, angry, emotional, etc. But after attending meetings and hearing that others had experiences like mine, I felt like I belonged there. I felt like people could understand how I felt, and I realized I didn’t have to hold it all in just so everything could look perfect from the outside. Just a few months later, we decided to start an Alateen group in our town. It has been nine months since our meeting began, and Alateen has made a big impact on my life—not just related to the alcoholic, but with school as well as my mental health.
The slogans stand out to me as really important. The two that I find most helpful are “One Day at a Time” and “Let Go and Let God.” These slogans help me to take my time and not worry about anyone else but myself. I cannot control the words or actions of someone else, but in Alateen, I’ve learned that I can control mine. “One Day at a Time” reminds me to stay in the present, rather than living in the past or the future. Keeping my thoughts in the past or the future does not allow me to enjoy the time that I have now, in the present. These simple lessons help me let go of others’ problems and focus on my growth.
When we formed our group, we decided to open our meeting to ages seven through eighteen. Most of the time, our group’s members are nine through fifteen, but even when there are seven-year-olds in a meeting, they have experience, strength, and hope to share. While in our Area the Alateen meetings remain small, it is my hope that our meetings will grow as families remember that alcoholism really is a family disease, and all children can benefit from having a safe space to work through their experiences together.
By Alicia
The Forum, November 2024
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.