When a doctor diagnosed my daughter with alcoholism, he said it would be a long journey. I had left her father because of alcohol-related family violence when she was very young. I had tried to help and fix by bailing her out of financial problems and taking care of her young son. I was exhausted, working two jobs, and absolutely desperate to save my beautiful daughter. I did not know that my taking responsibility for getting her sober was robbing her of the chance to solve her own problems.
Early in my Al‑Anon program, I recognized over-responsibility as one of my major defects. Thanks to what I have learned in Al‑Anon, including Concept Eight, which talks about delegation of authority, I am overcoming my impulse to micromanage and jump in to “help.” I’ve realized I don’t have authority over others, including my daughter. Letting go of my impulse to take over and focusing on my part has helped with family relationships as well as in service in Al‑Anon.
Each morning of my long recovery journey, I reach for Al‑Anon’s daily readers. As I plug my mobile phone into the solar charger and open the ebooks on my screen, the wisdom in this precious Conference Approved Literature sinks deeper. Love replaces fear. I surrender to my Higher Power and feel the warm sun recharging me (and my phone). A tingle of delight reminds me to focus on my priorities and replace worry and the impulse to control with trust in others and my Higher Power.
By Jennifer W., Australia
The Forum, April 2023
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
Your comments describe me to a T for a long time. I too had to what I refer to as learn to Love from Afar so I could protect myself from my child’s abusiveness. Hardest thing I have ever done and still breaks my heart. I have nightmares because of her violent nature and evil comments that tear me up inside. My doctor gave me orders not to have contact with her.
Thank you !