I am new to Al‑Anon; I’ve been coming less than two months. I finally decided to talk to a friend of mine about my situation, knowing he was in recovery and a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.). Turns out he’s an Al‑Anon member too. He told me to check out the local Al‑Anon website, go to a few meetings, and see if I thought it was for me. So, I went to about eight meetings in two weeks. I got the book How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics (B‑32) and started reading it.
I thought, Hey, I’ve got the first three Steps. But Step Four… wow, that one’s gonna be a buster. How naïve I was and, I guess, arrogant as well. My friend agreed to be my Sponsor. He told me to take it slow. We went to work on Step One, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable,” and that took some time.
I am learning that this program is not like a workbook or a class where you do the chapters, take the test, and move on. This is an ongoing thing. Each day is different, each Step is part of a whole, but almost a whole in itself—something to work on, go back to, learn more about, then move on from, but never really “finish.” I moved on to Step Two, but I am still working on the principles in Step One with the great help of my Sponsor.
I see this work almost like playing golf. Here is the first hole: you hit a good drive, the next shot goes wide, then you get on the green and two-putt for a bogey. Not bad, but the next time I play that hole, I take a different approach, maybe. And then I go on to the second hole—new lessons and challenges, but somehow the same. And so on. And in a few days or next week, I’m back at the first hole again, trying to get it right. The game is always the same but still different, with new approaches, new insights.
I find Step One, which at first sight appeared so easy, to be so fundamental to the rest of the Steps that I don’t want to ever forget how all-encompassing it really is. And that I can come back to it time and time again.
By Tom, Missouri
The Forum, February 2024
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
Al-Anon is related to hope, discipline, courage, failing and getting up each time, returning to listen and learn, laugh, cry, hug and thank the God of my understanding for picking me up each time I fall to begin my journey and lessons again.
Excellent, says it all like it is & should be, how naive we all are in the beginning. It took years of hard work on myself to get Steps 1, 2, & 3. Let alone Step 4 … I did my Step 4 many years ago, & then discussed my findings w/my parish minister for Step 5. I find that even after 29 years in my Al-Anon recovery, that I can still easily return to Step 1 again, & have my power diminished. Last week I had a very nasty flu & bronchial infection, so hence no meetings attended for… Read more »
I like the analogy to the game of golf as we work the Steps. How right it is: Al-Anon helps us to walk the steps of life, ever changing, sometimes in a straight line, sometimes we seem to be going in circles, sometimes spiraling, but never quite in the same place as before we began the journey. Like with any game in which we try to better ourselves, the more we practice, the better we become at it.
Nice golf analogy. Any given day, any given stroke of the club, we are capable of anything; success or not. And that’s the fascination of golf. It keeps us coming back; tweaking the grip, the stance, the stroke. As in returning to Step 1, there is no shame to begin again, to tweak our swing at living our lives with serenity. As the sunrise begins each new day afresh, we can always begin again to choose the course that lies before us, “One Day at a Time.” Keep coming back, it works!
Great golf analogy connecting the experiences of the physical to the spiritual! Al-Anon has helped me tremendously throughout my 10 years in recovery from codependence and anger. Thank God for this program. I now cherish my moments of serenity and self-care.
So true! I’m just starting again after about 8 years, and it’s all new again! This time I “really understand” (!!) that the focus is on me and my relationship with God, instead of on the alcoholic and me!!! Thank you, Al-Anon!!