Step One
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 1. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
I’ve lived with a gash in my throat for as long as I can remember. But, for as long as I can remember, I haven’t been conscious of it. Today is the day my denial finally broke. I was reading the comments in this blog related to Step One, and one of them said ”DENIAL = Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying”. For some reason, that stuck with me. And it baffled me. I couldn’t work out what it was I was in denial about but I knew there must be something. Growing up, I witnessed my mother’s denial about… Read more »
I understand I am powerless over others and my life has become unmanageable. All my life I have exerted power over others, addicts, alcoholics to control them to minimize my pain from the hurt I receive from them. I realize now that’s crazy because I just keep going round and round in circles and everything gets worse!!! Easy to say. Difficult to do because when I do it I have to also admit the part I play in this family disease which takes courage and strength. I pray to my higher power to admit this daily. Thank you for listening.
As many have mentioned I realized I can no longer help my mother and father. I have been the adult in the family for longer than I can think of. I have raised my siblings due to my parents drinking. I cannot remember a day where I don’t live in fear. I paid for their food, paid their rent and car insurance for years so they do not become homeless. Yesterday was a wake-up call. Once my mother yelled to me saying all I am doing is trying to get her house and kick her out, being that I live… Read more »
I finally realized that I can not help my 49-year-old son. I had to step back and find healthier ways to deal with this. He does not want to come and see me anymore, stating that since I talked to him (argued) about his drinking, he no longer feels comfortable coming to see me. He would come up with my grandson and literally be obliterated for the weekend. He really wasn’t even visiting me for years, he would just come up and drink a case of beer a night. I couldn’t watch my grandson subjected to this any longer either… Read more »
I apologize in advance for the novel. I have never been to an Al-Anon meeting nor posted anything about this in the past, so I figured Step One was the right place to start. Since I’m not sure how this all works, I figure I’ll start with a back-story. I’ve been thinking about joining Al-Anon for a while now, due to my husband’s drinking. When we started dating, about 11 years ago, the two of us basically built our relationship around alcohol. I began drinking a lot, partially because I had just turned 21 when he and I met, and… Read more »
I now understand that I cannot control my son’s drinking. He cares deeply about what I think, and when drunk repeatedly apologizes to me. He said he knows he has disappointed me – which breaks my heart because it is true. I do not want to isolate myself from my son but need to accept that I do not have the power to change him. This is a tough one.
When I heard I was powerless over my adolescent son’s drinking I was relieved. And confused. It was clear to me that I couldn’t make him stop. We tried everything we could think of… rehabs, therapy, medication, discipline, consequences, punishment, bargaining, anger, tears, enabling, and lots and lots of talking and explaining. Still, I am his parent and responsible for him. With guidance from others, reading literature, and working the Steps I learned that I couldn’t control his drinking, but I still did have some influence over other areas of his life such as setting reasonable boundaries – like a… Read more »
I feel the unmanageability of some friendships and my struggle to stay in one place and in one relationship, which accumulates this sense of claustrophobia and the need for change and new, as an active challenge to help dissipate all that I’ve accumulated. My life has been super chaotic in the past, but it feels like I’ve worked through so much of what I struggled with as a child of an alcoholic family and community. But there’s something coming to the surface now, in my latter 40s, and relative to the world situation: my work feels stuck, and two close… Read more »
I couldn’t take it any longer, and I left my wife and her addiction. This was prior to coming to Al-Anon, and a choice that leaves me feeling deep guilt and regret. I truly am powerless over the disease, as my attempting to “fix” the situation for over a year will attest. Unfortunately, I failed to recognize this truth until coming to Al-anon. I am also severely codependent; a broken thought pattern for which I am now in therapy. My wife and I have no contact at the moment, as I’ve had to block her and change my number because,… Read more »
My husband has been working his program for a number of years by this point. Meanwhile I, who had been to one whole meeting in six years, sit in the wings directing him from offstage. He has worked to be on that stage, he has proven he wants to be on that stage, he is out there trying to perform to the best of his ability, and I’m embarrassing him in front of the whole audience. I should just let him perform as he has rehearsed, and support him when he comes back to the wings. We have a peer-to-peer… Read more »
Step One released me from feeling as I had to do something to fix the alcoholic or someone else. I am truly powerless over almost everything except myself. Accepting my powerlessness helps me move on to find out what I can do to make myself less frustrated and more serene in the next Step. That sense of release is so freeing to know I am not responsible for someone else. I am only responsible for myself and how I deal with the alcoholic or other persons in my life. This gives me the serenity I need to function in my… Read more »
I thought I was alone. No one could have possibly isolated themselves as much as I had. No one could have hid this problem as well as I have been able to. No one loved and supported their wife as much as I had. It wasn’t always a problem. I could manage it most of the time. All lies I was telling myself while enabling the growing problem. 14 years but it was too late before I was able to even see the disaster that enabling her alcoholism would cause our family. I failed to see it. I look back.… Read more »
My relationship with my mother has become unmanageable, in that I am still figuring out how to manage it in the first place. I have had a variety of responses to my mom’s alcoholism. I have wanted her to leave me alone, I have ruminated about and feared her drinking and loneliness in my mind, I have felt intensely saddened by her living situation and alcoholism. I have felt annoyed by what I judge to be her dramatic, attention-seeking behaviors. I have felt angry about some of her choices, like choosing to drive drunk, I have seen her in dire… Read more »
Excessive responsibility In Step One I am asked the question “in what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people?” (Paths to Recovery pg 16). Sure as a parent, I felt responsible for my children; as a healthcare worker, for my patients; as a military leader, for the soldiers in my unit. At first blush seemingly appropriate in all instances. But the key word here is “excessive”, that is a sense of responsibility that may go beyond that which is expected or fitting for the situation. Consideration of the three C’s help to evaluate how much responsibility I should… Read more »
Step One was impossible for me for a long time. I couldn’t let go or keep the focus on myself. But I kept going to meetings, reading program literature, sharing, listening to others, doing group service, and going to Al-Anon conventions/events. I finally “got” Step One when I heard: Let Go (dramatic pause) or Get Dragged; denial means Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying; Step One suggests: mind your own business; detach means Don’t Even Think About Changing Him; love means Let Others Voluntarily Evolve; QTIP means Quit Taking it Personally; ISM means I Sponsor Myself; JADE means (I don’t… Read more »
I was told at my first Alateen meeting that I didn’t cause my parents drinking. As far as I could remember my dad drank beer socially, I believe at first. Al-Anon told me its a progressive disease. How did I make it progress? I didn’t have an answer for how I did this? I gave it a thought. I didn’t have any part of why my father drank. That is what he did. Little did I know or understand that for some people, if they drink alcohol, there is a possibility that they may have a problem with it themselves.… Read more »
Hi! I really like in Paths to Recovery a question of “How do I know when my life is unmanageable?” because it really takes a pause sometimes to reflect on what is unmanageable in my life. Often times, it’s not the “alcoholic” but something else. Right now? I feel powerless to my eating and the amount of sleep that I’m getting but I’m also giving myself grace to hold those things as true today. They might not be true tomorrow but it’s okay that they exist today.
When I came in, I believed she was right. I caused it. I failed as a mother and everyone knew it. I was the defect I heard in the Steps. I knew I was insane and my life was unrecognizable. I had no clue which direction to go or what to do. I was beyond afraid. I went to Al-Anon to hide. I never expected to find the “We” of the First Step. “We” told me I was not alone, others failed too and they were smiling. Awareness of my powerlessness came quickly those first months. Acceptance is painful. The… Read more »
I am an adult child of an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic. He never did find sobriety, both my parents passed away when I was very young. Very early in life, I was taught to take care of others and many times I felt the need to have control of myself, others and my surroundings. That way, if I was in control, nothing would happen to anyone. So, whenever any of my siblings were in pain, I felt it my responsibility to fix them to make them feel better, even at the expense of my own sanity. It wasn’t… Read more »
When I admitted that my life was unmanageable from my loved ones use of alcohol, it brought personal freedom and the idea that possibly I could not only not control my son’s drinking, but I may not be able to control any choices that other people make. It opened up the idea that I was not responsible for other people’s lives and that the focus needed to be brought back to my own life. How was I taking care of myself? What did I need to do to detach with love from others whose drinking bothered me? What attitudes, behaviors,… Read more »