Hi! I really like in Paths to Recovery a question of “How do I know when my life is unmanageable?” because it really takes a pause sometimes to reflect on what is unmanageable in my life. Often times, it’s not the “alcoholic” but something else. Right now? I feel powerless to my eating and the amount of sleep that I’m getting but I’m also giving myself grace to hold those things as true today. They might not be true tomorrow but it’s okay that they exist today.

When I came in, I believed she was right. I caused it. I failed as a mother and everyone knew it. I was the defect I heard in the Steps. I knew I was insane and my life was unrecognizable. I had no clue which direction to go or what to do. I was beyond afraid. I went to Al-Anon to hide. I never expected to find the “We” of the First Step. “We” told me I was not alone, others failed too and they were smiling. Awareness of my powerlessness came quickly those first months. Acceptance is painful. The… Read more »

I am an adult child of an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic. He never did find sobriety, both my parents passed away when I was very young. Very early in life, I was taught to take care of others and many times I felt the need to have control of myself, others and my surroundings. That way, if I was in control, nothing would happen to anyone. So, whenever any of my siblings were in pain, I felt it my responsibility to fix them to make them feel better, even at the expense of my own sanity. It wasn’t… Read more »

When I admitted that my life was unmanageable from my loved ones use of alcohol, it brought personal freedom and the idea that possibly I could not only not control my son’s drinking, but I may not be able to control any choices that other people make. It opened up the idea that I was not responsible for other people’s lives and that the focus needed to be brought back to my own life. How was I taking care of myself? What did I need to do to detach with love from others whose drinking bothered me? What attitudes, behaviors,… Read more »

When I first came to Al-Anon I learned that alcoholism is a disease. “I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it.” We call this “The Three C’s.” I love the pithy little sayings and Slogans we have in Al-Anon because they simplify our Legacies in ways that can be quickly recalled in times of crisis. If I can’t cause, control, or cure it, then I have no power over it, I am powerless. This is the First Step. I spent so much time and energy focusing on everyone else that I completely lost track of… Read more »

So, looking at Step One. Looking at the tools that can help me understand how to set boundaries. I find myself looking at the Spiritual Principles in Step One. Allowing me to become aware of where to start. Let go of control allows us to find Hope, Surrender, get Honest with ourselves. Be aware that we can not fix or control anyone but ourselves. Become aware I need to protect myself, not work on someone else, only myself. Allowing me to say “No”, because “No” is a complete sentence. If I need to. Stop taking on other people responsibilities.