Step One
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 1. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
I came into the program as a result of my husband’s addictions. I thought I could fix him and wanted to get help for him. I thought I could fix him because that is what I was trained to do at an early age. I joined Al-Anon to seek help for my husband, but instead I was the one that received help, I knew I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable. I’ve learned that I need to rely on the tools of the program to change my behavior. Step One is the first Step I took, I realized… Read more »
I’ve had problems with understanding how alcoholic son used to be. But then see how the illness does him and his denial. Very disappointing to see him appear to be stuck. Then my maternal kicks in. It’s been hard and too long for me.
Today is my Day 1 – I come to this program because I watch my husband fill himself with poison daily. I am mixed between wanting to help and wanting to distance myself. I feel he projects his rage onto me and attempts to make his drinking my fault or that I’m the cause of it. Truth is he looks for reasons to drink excessively (10-15) daily and any excuse will do. I’ve become the enemy. After my first meeting today I realize I can not control him. There is no amount of watching, counting, attempted conversation/counseling (unqualified) that I… Read more »
I have been angry for a long time at the people in my life that chose alcohol over life, that chose alcohol and the violent consequences. And then I realized I love these people, and alcohol has taken them away from me. I am angry at alcohol, if that makes any sense. I am no longer angry at the people in my life that have chosen alcohol. Accepting this truth has given me peace.
Today’s my 66th day in Al-Anon recovery, I’m a newcomer and I am sure that I AM in the right place. This week’s been quite challenging, yet with rain showers of warm discoveries, all dealing with: self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-action. I’ve been having a wonderous spiritual awakening that’s led my every moment journey that my soul takes between my heart and mind towards self-recognition. Remembering in the rear-view mirror whilst not moving my hands off the wheel and not coming to a screeching halt through the heartfelt balance of releasing the clutch and stepping on the gas petal with my… Read more »
I don’t feel that I have always been an angry person. That said…over the course of the last couple years I have become someone that I don’t recognize. I am angry. I am bitter. Three years ago I started dating my high school sweetheart… He had been sober for about a month when we started seeing each other again. I eventually let him move in with me, and soon after that he started drinking again. He has put me through so much, I feel like I fell fast for him based on my memory of him and not who he… Read more »
I’m not an angry person but the actions/inactions of my mom & sister are turning me into an angry, bitter person. For so long I’ve wanted to help them and the path to a stable, healthy, happy life for them seems so clear and I’ve become frustrated that I want that for them more than they seem to want it for themselves. I’m learning to admit and accept that I am powerless over their addictions. I cannot control how they choose to live their lives. For me to live a happy life and one day be the mother of my… Read more »
I have come to Al-anon to help gain control over MY own life and let go of the control I try to have over my alcoholic husband’s life.
Something has to change and the only person I can change is me and my actions. There has to be a better way to live, than angry and spiteful and I look forward to living a better life.
I have been in some form of self-imposed isolation as far back as I remember. My inability to protect myself from abuse (ages 1-13) created a controlling attitude in me. Attempts to avoid situations I might not be able to “control” left me shy and self-effacing (ages 13-21). Of course now at 65 I am in an abusive marriage with an alcoholic, recently he is dry and attending AA meetings several days a week. I am still feeling insecure and my life is definitely unmanageable!
I have recently been advised to seek out Al-Anon as I am at a loss as to what to do. I am not sure whether my husband has a problem, but I certainly have a problem with his newfound habit, still not sure what to do. My anxiety levels are just getting worse and I just don’t know if I should say anything anymore as it just ends in fights and tears.
I’m so happy that everyone can express their feelings on this site. I’ve worked the 12 Steps and Traditions. Now I’m starting Step One again. For me Step One is the most important for me to go back to and read. Love all your courage!!
I am married to a dry alcoholic. His dad was an alcoholic, and his grandfather on his mom’s side was an alcoholic. My sister is a food addict (bulimia) and I have many cousins/uncles with alcohol issues. The other addiction in my family is anger. Unpredictable, high levels of rage. My life has become unmanageable because I have tried to create conditions to avoid anger my entire life. If I was good enough no one would get angry. If I anticipated everyone’s needs, no one would get angry. If I was invisible enough, no one would get angry. If I… Read more »
I have been married for over 20 years to an alcoholic. It’s been a long hard road. There has been anger and abuse aimed toward me over the years. I have explained how I feel and how it affects our relationship, our kids but it never matters. I just want to know I’m not alone in a battle I will never win.
Step One for me means that I am empowered when I surrender, that I don’t have all the answers, and that I need help and support to manage my life.
I’m in Al-Anon now for about a year. And I am focusing again more on the first three steps. For me working on the steps is not that I do it, and then I am done with that step. I am coming back to the first three steps over and over again and I understand it slowly more and more, and I use it with different problems in my life. Right now I am in search for a job, and no matter how many job applications I sent, I am powerless over which job and when will I get a… Read more »
I came to Al-Anon because of my numerous qualifiers (my mother, husband, sister) and it is so interesting how my experience has evolved over the years. Besides dealing with people who are alcoholics and drug addicts, I have realized that Step 1 can apply to so many other areas of my life. I have a lot of chronic pain and I have devoted a lot of time to addressing it from a mind-body perspective, yet I was feeling stuck. As I was journaling this morning I realized that I never put my pain through the lens of the program. Step… Read more »
I’m new to Al-Anon. I believe my husband is a functioning alcohol and looking for support and guidance as we are expecting our first child soon. He won’t admit he needs help and I obviously can’t force it on him, but it’s a daily struggle. I’ve given up confronting him because it leads to an argument and he lies and my baby does not need that added stress. It’s difficult to let go but I am trying and hope working the steps of Al-Anon will help me.
I live with an alcoholic who has been in recovery and has been “dry” for a very long time. However, he is so troubled behaviorally and has such a mean streak in him and I find myself in a “no man’s land”. Rage, hateful words, even physical and mental abuse rule some of my days in the past. Since Alanon, I’ve been able to study the effects of alcohol and speak with people in the know. Incredibly hard to believe that folks like this for so many years. Thank God for Lois.
I came to Alanon 20 years ago after my husband at the time developed the disease of alcoholism made worse by his bipolar disorder. We divorced 10 years later, he remains sober and we have an amicable relationship. However, there are times when I am thrust back into feeling angry and resentful and taking his inventory in response to certain behaviors or comments of his that trigger me. Today, I went to a Zoom Al-Anon meeting and it reminded me of the fact that even though we’re divorced and he’s sober, he still often behaves like an alcoholic, and I… Read more »
I joined Al-Anon 30 years ago, it transformed and changed my life and I worked the program for years. I left a very abusive relationship to an addict, raised my children who are very functional and rebuilt my life. I remarried a wonderful man but marriage triggered my fears of trust and love. I worked the program and was very happy. Covid hit. Seeing people in masks and fear has tripped me completely and my life has become totally unmanageable again. I fear people who don’t show their faces. It’s irrational fear. I isolate myself and have had to completely… Read more »