Step One
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 1. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
Excessive responsibility In Step One I am asked the question “in what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people?” (Paths to Recovery pg 16). Sure as a parent, I felt responsible for my children; as a healthcare worker, for my patients; as a military leader, for the soldiers in my unit. At first blush seemingly appropriate in all instances. But the key word here is “excessive”, that is a sense of responsibility that may go beyond that which is expected or fitting for the situation. Consideration of the three C’s help to evaluate how much responsibility I should… Read more »
Step One was impossible for me for a long time. I couldn’t let go or keep the focus on myself. But I kept going to meetings, reading program literature, sharing, listening to others, doing group service, and going to Al-Anon conventions/events. I finally “got” Step One when I heard: Let Go (dramatic pause) or Get Dragged; denial means Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying; Step One suggests: mind your own business; detach means Don’t Even Think About Changing Him; love means Let Others Voluntarily Evolve; QTIP means Quit Taking it Personally; ISM means I Sponsor Myself; JADE means (I don’t… Read more »
I was told at my first Alateen meeting that I didn’t cause my parents drinking. As far as I could remember my dad drank beer socially, I believe at first. Al-Anon told me its a progressive disease. How did I make it progress? I didn’t have an answer for how I did this? I gave it a thought. I didn’t have any part of why my father drank. That is what he did. Little did I know or understand that for some people, if they drink alcohol, there is a possibility that they may have a problem with it themselves.… Read more »
Hi! I really like in Paths to Recovery a question of “How do I know when my life is unmanageable?” because it really takes a pause sometimes to reflect on what is unmanageable in my life. Often times, it’s not the “alcoholic” but something else. Right now? I feel powerless to my eating and the amount of sleep that I’m getting but I’m also giving myself grace to hold those things as true today. They might not be true tomorrow but it’s okay that they exist today.
When I came in, I believed she was right. I caused it. I failed as a mother and everyone knew it. I was the defect I heard in the Steps. I knew I was insane and my life was unrecognizable. I had no clue which direction to go or what to do. I was beyond afraid. I went to Al-Anon to hide. I never expected to find the “We” of the First Step. “We” told me I was not alone, others failed too and they were smiling. Awareness of my powerlessness came quickly those first months. Acceptance is painful. The… Read more »
I am an adult child of an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic. He never did find sobriety, both my parents passed away when I was very young. Very early in life, I was taught to take care of others and many times I felt the need to have control of myself, others and my surroundings. That way, if I was in control, nothing would happen to anyone. So, whenever any of my siblings were in pain, I felt it my responsibility to fix them to make them feel better, even at the expense of my own sanity. It wasn’t… Read more »
When I admitted that my life was unmanageable from my loved ones use of alcohol, it brought personal freedom and the idea that possibly I could not only not control my son’s drinking, but I may not be able to control any choices that other people make. It opened up the idea that I was not responsible for other people’s lives and that the focus needed to be brought back to my own life. How was I taking care of myself? What did I need to do to detach with love from others whose drinking bothered me? What attitudes, behaviors,… Read more »
When I first came to Al-Anon I learned that alcoholism is a disease. “I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it.” We call this “The Three C’s.” I love the pithy little sayings and Slogans we have in Al-Anon because they simplify our Legacies in ways that can be quickly recalled in times of crisis. If I can’t cause, control, or cure it, then I have no power over it, I am powerless. This is the First Step. I spent so much time and energy focusing on everyone else that I completely lost track of… Read more »
So, looking at Step One. Looking at the tools that can help me understand how to set boundaries. I find myself looking at the Spiritual Principles in Step One. Allowing me to become aware of where to start. Let go of control allows us to find Hope, Surrender, get Honest with ourselves. Be aware that we can not fix or control anyone but ourselves. Become aware I need to protect myself, not work on someone else, only myself. Allowing me to say “No”, because “No” is a complete sentence. If I need to. Stop taking on other people responsibilities.