We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 1. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
I am here because my life has become unmanageable. It is falling apart because of my husband’s addiction . We are in so much debt and he is in a sober house. I am terrified that I will need to sell our house and pull my daughter out of her home and away from her school and friends. I am powerless and I am having a really hard time accepting that.
I’ve been in program for many years and Step 1 remains an alive and unfolding experience. My most recent insight is a deepening understanding that it makes no sense to place expectations, hopes, and reliance on something I am completely powerless over, whether that be a person or a situation. Similarly, it is not a good use of my energy to get caught in judgement, resentment, and score keeping over someone or something I’m powerless over. Once I deeply accept my powerlessness over people and situations, a wiser relationship to my loved ones and their situations is possible. I can… Read more »
I’ve been married to an Alcoholic for 14 years. He’s had multiple attempts at sobriety, either working the program or going at it on his one and has currently relapsed. I’m also facing the fact that he’s been unfaithful for at least 5 years. My life is completely unmanageable at this point and my days are full of anxiety. I attended my first meeting in a few years this morning and look forward to the hope that comes through the program and learning from the members each and every day.
Step One was and still is my “go to” whenever I feel a discomfort or that resentment, anger and other negative feelings start to creep in. Today, I recognize the signs and can humbly admit that I am powerless over something. I normally don’t resist, as my resistance to pain has diminished. However, sometimes I stretch my “wellbeing” a little!! My life becoming unmanageable starts with my thoughts and my attitude, thinking that I have the authority, the right to control the situation and make the decision whether this concerns me or others. It took me a while to understand… Read more »
Step One has been a process of understanding it. The first time I practiced it, I thought it meant I was powerless over all things. However, after studying it several times, I experienced it differently. My new understanding is that I have no TRUST in my Higher Power, which I call God, in my life. When I don’t TRUST GOD, I take COMPLETE CONTROL over my life. I become my own Higher Power without power. I run myself on self-propulsion. Therefore, taking control over my life only creates pain in my life and others’. As I’m dealing with it with… Read more »
A couple of years back things got hard during the pandemic. My husband and I began to have problems and he started to drink. I never thought he had a problem, even when he told me he didn’t, I believed him. But his behavior, way of thinking, acting, relating began to change. And the drinking and nicotine began to become more and more regular. A new house guest. I didn’t know what to do about it. I over compensated. Bought all the groceries, planned our lives, cooked, hired cleaners, watched our son, paid the bills and worked hard. All the… Read more »
I couldn’t manage the anxiety every night after my husband would drink. Would he come to bed and try to start an argument? Would he wake up our son? Would I be faced with threats of violence? The panic this caused me sent me to seek help and through my therapist I found Al-Anon. I hate feeling powerless, especially the way I feel powerless over my husband’s addiction and my own response of panic and anxiety. But I have to admit that there is a certain level of calm in admitting that I have no control over something. It removes… Read more »
Step One: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” Today is my second day in Al-Anon. I went to a zoom meeting last night. I feel like I have been alone in the past 5 years of dating my boyfriend. I love him dearly, but his addiction is something that I had kept from my family and my friends. My boyfriend’s mom and my boyfriend suggested I go to Al-Anon. For years I fought it. I thought I could handle it by myself. I grew up with that mindset. That I can fix things myself.… Read more »
I am coming to Al-Anon because my best friend and partner in life is an alcoholic and cannot seem to stop. I have been trying (I’m sure this is a familiar story) to help him. I’ve told him about rehab and recovery – I’m in recovery myself – we used to be drinking buddies. It is painful to watch him suffer – it has affected his health, his mental status and his spiritual life. He is struggling and means well but if he is going to take that step – he has to be the one to do it. The… Read more »
I came into the program as a result of my husband’s addictions. I thought I could fix him and wanted to get help for him. I thought I could fix him because that is what I was trained to do at an early age. I joined Al-Anon to seek help for my husband, but instead I was the one that received help, I knew I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable. I’ve learned that I need to rely on the tools of the program to change my behavior. Step One is the first Step I took, I realized… Read more »
I’ve had problems with understanding how alcoholic son used to be. But then see how the illness does him and his denial. Very disappointing to see him appear to be stuck. Then my maternal kicks in. It’s been hard and too long for me.
Today is my Day 1 – I come to this program because I watch my husband fill himself with poison daily. I am mixed between wanting to help and wanting to distance myself. I feel he projects his rage onto me and attempts to make his drinking my fault or that I’m the cause of it. Truth is he looks for reasons to drink excessively (10-15) daily and any excuse will do. I’ve become the enemy. After my first meeting today I realize I can not control him. There is no amount of watching, counting, attempted conversation/counseling (unqualified) that I… Read more »
I have been angry for a long time at the people in my life that chose alcohol over life, that chose alcohol and the violent consequences. And then I realized I love these people, and alcohol has taken them away from me. I am angry at alcohol, if that makes any sense. I am no longer angry at the people in my life that have chosen alcohol. Accepting this truth has given me peace.
Today’s my 66th day in Al-Anon recovery, I’m a newcomer and I am sure that I AM in the right place. This week’s been quite challenging, yet with rain showers of warm discoveries, all dealing with: self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-action. I’ve been having a wonderous spiritual awakening that’s led my every moment journey that my soul takes between my heart and mind towards self-recognition. Remembering in the rear-view mirror whilst not moving my hands off the wheel and not coming to a screeching halt through the heartfelt balance of releasing the clutch and stepping on the gas petal with my… Read more »
I don’t feel that I have always been an angry person. That said…over the course of the last couple years I have become someone that I don’t recognize. I am angry. I am bitter. Three years ago I started dating my high school sweetheart… He had been sober for about a month when we started seeing each other again. I eventually let him move in with me, and soon after that he started drinking again. He has put me through so much, I feel like I fell fast for him based on my memory of him and not who he… Read more »
I’m not an angry person but the actions/inactions of my mom & sister are turning me into an angry, bitter person. For so long I’ve wanted to help them and the path to a stable, healthy, happy life for them seems so clear and I’ve become frustrated that I want that for them more than they seem to want it for themselves. I’m learning to admit and accept that I am powerless over their addictions. I cannot control how they choose to live their lives. For me to live a happy life and one day be the mother of my… Read more »
I have come to Al-anon to help gain control over MY own life and let go of the control I try to have over my alcoholic husband’s life.
Something has to change and the only person I can change is me and my actions. There has to be a better way to live, than angry and spiteful and I look forward to living a better life.
I have been in some form of self-imposed isolation as far back as I remember. My inability to protect myself from abuse (ages 1-13) created a controlling attitude in me. Attempts to avoid situations I might not be able to “control” left me shy and self-effacing (ages 13-21). Of course now at 65 I am in an abusive marriage with an alcoholic, recently he is dry and attending AA meetings several days a week. I am still feeling insecure and my life is definitely unmanageable!
I have recently been advised to seek out Al-Anon as I am at a loss as to what to do. I am not sure whether my husband has a problem, but I certainly have a problem with his newfound habit, still not sure what to do. My anxiety levels are just getting worse and I just don’t know if I should say anything anymore as it just ends in fights and tears.
I’m so happy that everyone can express their feelings on this site. I’ve worked the 12 Steps and Traditions. Now I’m starting Step One again. For me Step One is the most important for me to go back to and read. Love all your courage!!