Step One
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 1. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
I am a child of an alcoholic, which ended up causing chronic sleep issues. I come from a long line of addicts, so I went through all the sleep meds, weed, and finally alcohol to sleep. So I ended up in treatment because no drug is enough for me to sleep (alcohol took me down), treatment is where I met my partner. I am in recovery, but my partner is not. I went through the AA steps and they did not prevent the emotional disaster of what happened to me when my partner relapsed. So I am trying a new… Read more »
This will be my first time sharing. I’ve been attending Al-Anon meetings for the past 2 months. Every time my partner drinks I desperately search for meetings and when I don’t find any on time, I snap and text and say things that I shouldn’t or should. I don’t even know anymore. I failed to allow my character defects pour through. I’m hurting so so much that I can’t control my reactions every time he drinks. He can’t keep jobs etc.. he drinks all hours of the day till he blacks out, he will stop for days give me hope,… Read more »
I am the adult child of alcoholics. Given my family string of alcoholics it’s a miracle I honestly didn’t end up with drinking issues myself but my distain for my upbringing surrounded by alcohol and violence has brought me to a place where I don’t think I want to live with drinkers anymore. My husband of many years has repeated patterns of alcohol abuse and has always made light of his drinking. It’s my issue from my past not him. Now it’s alcohol and cannabis. My 19 year old is also moving into regular alcohol/ cannabis use and my heart… Read more »
I feel myself holding on to a rope that’s slipping through my hands ripping the skin of my hands as they burn and my blood is slippery making my grip weak. Something very heavy is tied to the other end of it and I am fighting to keep my hold regardless of the blood and pain. I feel myself tired I’m alone isolated unwanted in this struggle and I’m only growing weak. I cried “oh GOD please help me I’m loosing my grip please give the the strength in my shoulders, arms and hands. Please heal my bleeding hands so… Read more »
I am new here. I feel totally hopeless and I am trying to gather the strength to stop thinking that having this person in my life is in my best interest. He lashed out at me today. He was drinking before 12 noon, and an hour or so later (and a few ipa in) he lashed out making all kinds of insults to me, would go from we will talk later to don’t text me. He’s day drinking again. I had to watch him go from totally sober to plastered within 3 hours. Not only with alcohol but with weed.… Read more »
I grew up living in a world where alcohol was normal, or so I thought. So many in my family have this disease gripping them fiercely, tearing them away from loved ones. A few of us learned the hard lesson early on from them that this was a destructive road to be on. My husband began his walk on this road a couple of years into our marriage, not knowing how bad it could get. I knew. I knew how powerless I would be from watching it kill one loved one after another. I can still hear my mom saying… Read more »
I am no match for the disease of alcoholism nor do I have the strength necessary to fight it. Anymore. I was baffled at the severity of the lashing I got today after returning home from work. Feeling unsafe, I used dishonesty to run to my escape. On the drive to a nearby hotel, I became overwhelmed. The tears did not stop flowing. These were tears of frustration, anger, and sadness. They were tears of hunger, fatigue, and pain. After fleeing, it became painfully clear to me that it was easier to surrender completely. I just gave up. I’ve always… Read more »
I have Od’d and survived for the 3rd time! I work the steps and then I leave them. They work. Why do I allow my life to become so unmanageable? Why do I allow my addict daughter to control me when I THINK I am trying to control her? Please God…I am powerless. I give it all over to you.
I am new here. First time. I give up. I am a type A, control freak, co-dependent, always wanting to fix others. My husband is an alcoholic. I can’t fix him. I need to fix myself. i give everything over to God. What I allow is what will continue. I’m setting boundaries.
I read the below post and realize my story is echoed in almost verbatim. I am a nurse and I took care of an alcoholic man when I first finished nursing school, and I thought to myself, that it must be awful to not have anyone come visit you in the hospital. He had wound up on my floor because of orthopedic surgery but during his stay he did not wait for someone to come help him up and went up and over the side-rails and broke his arm, winding up in another surgery. He was always considered a fall… Read more »
Once when I was a young doctor, working on a liver unit, there was an alcoholic patient who had been circling the drain for a long time. On his final day, as he slowly slipped away, yellow and bloated and bleeding out of every hole in his body, I explained to his mother that there was nothing more we could do for him she seemed unmoved and emotionless. Perhaps it was shock, but something told me otherwise, that it was as if she didn’t care, that she had nothing to say or nothing to give. I was aghast, this was… Read more »
I have had this app on my phone for a while and been too afraid to navigate it. Using the app or even attending a meeting would mean that I had to face reality right? I realized this weekend that I have to face reality. No matter what I do, or how much I try to support my boyfriend, I cannot control his addiction. I cannot prevent him from relapsing. As I waited Friday, with his children who were visiting for the weekend, for him to pick up dinner, the anxiety and fear I live with every day became reality.… Read more »
Step 1 – I am powerless so I am taking back my freedom.
This step is the reason I came to Al-Anon.
I was not the alcoholic, but the students AND teachers were. Everyone had their own story, but I was the victim…yes, I was powerless. As I grew up, my parents were against alcohol, but they proved themselves to be haters…not against the alcoholics per se, but against how they lived. Yet, there was never any stand against alcohol – just the lifestyles of the alcoholic. Growing up in the Philadelphia area, my father loved the Mummer’s Day Parade…and my grandfather was a strong teacher of music which absolutely included the string bands (banjos and other instruments) – the core of… Read more »
Powerlessness… it’s not giving up or giving in. It’s just saying I never had control, and never will.
Hard to do. And I find that I have to do it over and over again. Sometimes it’s easier than others, sometimes it is next to impossible. But I can’t move on until I do. Because if I’m not in control, who is?
Knowing Step 2 is next helps, but that knowledge took a while to get to.
So I start again with Step 1. Admitting that I am powerless.
Step One is first and foremost about accepting that alcoholism is a disease. Before I came to Al-Anon, I had no idea that was the case. I thought alcoholism was simply a choice and that my spouse could stop drinking if he really wanted to stop and was willing to put in the effort. I myself was certainly putting in the effort to convince him to stop but I was failing miserably and no matter what I did or did not do, he continued to drink. After coming to Al-Anon, I learned so many principles, slogans, and tools of the… Read more »
Sometimes I wonder what it is that is so unmanageable about my life. The problem is not as straightforward as alcoholism. My disease consists of being driven to insanity by circumstances that force me to relive the dynamics of having grown up in an alcoholic household. In an effort to Keep It Simple, I invented an acronym, so I remember what happens when I am triggered by such circumstances. I try not to get hurt by SWORDS: Shame, Worry, Obsession, Resentment, Denial, and Stubbornness. I can’t will SWORDS out of existence, but I can learn not to grab them by… Read more »
The moment I finally learned that I am totally powerless over alcohol was the moment I started living again. I had tried so many times to deter him from drinking. Broke bottles, filled bottles with water, stocked the refrigerator with other types of drinks thinking that he would choose those over the alcohol. Looking back I still shake my head and the foolishness of those actions. He was powerless and so was I. I had attended AA meetings in the past with him so I knew of Al-Anon. I knew that I couldn’t stop him or fix him so I… Read more »
How exciting! The first week of the first month of the year my home group focuses on Step One and our Al-Anon Member Blog gives us the opportunity to reflect and share our experience, strength and hope on it as well. We admitted something. At first we were unaware. All our energy was directed towards trying to change that which we cannot change. And so, yes, our lives had become unmanageable. But for the Grace of God we came upon the program and Kept Coming Back. We embrace the Serenity Prayer and on our own and in our groups we… Read more »