I met the alcoholic in my life through online dating. Though I felt that I was okay with social drinking, I learned that there is no such thing as social drinking to an alcoholic. My partner was in A.A., but was a binge drinker. When he wasn’t drinking, he was kind, loving, and respectful—all the traits I wanted in a partner. I thought he drank to be nasty to me and to sabotage our relationship. I lost sleep worrying if this day would be the start of a binge. I went to A.A. meetings with him for about two years trying to figure out what he was missing so that I could save him, but the other A.A. members would often suggest that I go to Al‑Anon. I didn’t know what that was or why I needed to go when I felt that he was the problem.
The first program idea that had particular significance for me was that alcoholism is a disease. This actually made sense to me because I could view it like a form of mental illness. I have a dear family member who is mentally ill. I finally realized that my partner was not drinking “at me” or because of anything I did or didn’t do. He was self-harming, much like my family member. He didn’t know why and didn’t know how to stop. What kept me coming back after my first meeting was that I saw that the people there were having fun. They celebrated each other and shared their successes and struggles. No one judged anyone or told anyone what to do. Instead, they laughed, they cried, and I could sense the love and support in that room. I wanted to learn how to do that and just get some sleep and feel happy again.
By Loretta V., Ontario
The Forum, August 2019
I met my boyfriend online 9 months ago. At the time he told me he didn’t drink much if at all, because he didn’t like the way it made him feel. We rarely drank, maybe 1 beer every couple of weeks. Last week he called and asked me to take him to the ER, where they admitted him and I had to hear him tell the doctors that he drank a pint 3-5 days a week. I was stunned and felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. He is 6 days sober now and is going to AA meetings… Read more »
I am trying to leave my alcoholic partner of 9 years and I keep letting him back. With his various promises of I won’t drink again I won’t want to lose you etc. etc. He is violent critical bitter and I feel like I’m going mad. I don’t love him anymore but he just won’t accept it and stay away help!!!!!
I also met my partner online and we are now married. When I met her she was involved with AA but let that relationship lapse once she moved closer to me. I have seen her drinking creep up from the odd glass of wine a night to 3 glasses every night. She then has an edge to her that I truly do not like, though she is not mean or violent…I have tried to talk to her about this but I feel she doest understand how I feel….as a side note, she comes from an alcoholic family and my late… Read more »
i am dating an ex alcoholic he has been sober for 34 years. So i need a group of people i can talk to. and i want to be apart and to support him in anyway i can. i want to attend meets or whatever it takes.
In Al-Anon they speak of doing God’s Will and asking what that is. It took me three years before I realized that when I stop all the racing thoughts in my mind, there’s a voice that can be heard and that is a guidance for my higher power. Those thoughts that come in quiet times of reflection or when you’re out taking a walk and not thinking about your problems are inspirations from a power greater than yourself. Recovery is one step at a time. Step by step I’ve learned to ask myself what is the next Right Step In… Read more »
Greetings to all. I feel all of your pain too !!! I have no recourse but to divorce my Alcoholic. Spouse is a closet & pub drinker. Consequently, he drinks & drives home from a local pub everyday after work. I need “ME” back ! I too am tired emotionally, physically & mentally !! I believe DIVORCE is the best solution for an in denial spouse that kept his Alcohol Addiction a secret during our engagement & so did his family !! Once we were married it was apparent he had a split personality called Drunkula !! Be well everyone..… Read more »
Thank you for sharing your story. I identify with the ” get some sleep & feel happy again.” Al-Anon has brought me such peace. I have to practice my program every day. My life depends on it! I agree with not making any drastic decisions until you have been in Al-Anon for six months, except if you feel you are in danger. I applaud your decision to go to a lawyer & find out your rights. I worried for over 3 decades what would happen to all I’ve worked for during my life if my active spouse hurt someone else… Read more »
I love Al-Anon. They suggest to not make any major decisions for at least 6 months but continue to go to Al-Anon.
I too, am struggling with my partner of 6 years that I me online. He is a pretty great guy when he’s not drinking, but a verbal monster most times when he is. We are not married but we have a home together and thankfully no children. I’m currently relegated to one of the bedrooms in hopes of keeping his hostilities at Bay. He started drinking early today and it didn’t take long for the switch to happen. I’m going to go to my first meeting this week and also contacting a lawyer to figure out my rights. I’m exhausted… Read more »