How do I keep the focus on myself?
When I first came to Al‑Anon, it was hard for me to tell where I ended and my alcoholic loved one began. Now, I’m realizing that the more I care for myself, the better others care for themselves.
October’s Member Blog topic is, “How do I keep the focus on myself?”
As always, you can also write about Al‑Anon’s three Legacies. This month features Step Ten, Tradition Ten, and Concept Ten.
Sharings on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
New topics are being added each month!
I always took my alcoholic’s brother words to the point; thought they were a God’s sent message to me! Although I entered Al-Anon meetings eight years ago, this hasn’t changed to its core. My mind said it was a disease. My heart couldn’t bear it. Recently, in August 2025, we had a big fall out. My brother made it clear he didn’t want to see me again, also he has forbidden to his three children to have any kind of communication with me and my mother. That hurt a lot. Although I only saw my nephews and my niece 3-4… Read more »
I have been asked to share at 3 different meetings this week and I accepted because I like to do service. In speaking and listening to the shares of other fellows, I felt so good about myself. I got emotional. I have been in the program for 15 years and have learned that what other people think of me is none of my business. There are people in my family who cannot accept the change in me, that I have learned to keep the focus on myself and love who I truly am. I cannot express the improvement that Al-Anon… Read more »
The phrase “carefully defined service authority” from Concept 10 has helped me tremendously to stay in my own lane. It rings in my head like a slogan and gives me instant direction when I catch myself drifting into another lane.
It took me quite a few years to break those old habits of being in everyone else’s business. At the time, I thought I was being the hero and holding the family together. Luckily, I “kept coming back” as I was told to do. These days, as soon as I feel my old friends anger and resentment creep near, I have to tell myself, “Focus on me.” Then I can find my serenity and inner peace again. How has that changed my life? It has allowed my children to have a closer relationship with their father without me being the… Read more »
The analogy of keeping “my side of the street clean” helps me to keep my focus on myself. When I find my thoughts straying to the other side of the street— what/how someone else is doing or what I think they should do — then I turn my attention back to my side of the street. What am I doing right now? What is the best, most health-full thing for me to do next? The act of turning my thoughts back to me is the work. I might have to re-focus myself multiple times an hour. With practice, it gets… Read more »
I am reminded to keep the focus on myself with the serenity prayer. The serenity prayer reminds me to ask for help from my Higher Power in accepting the things I cannot change (the alcoholic), the courage to change the things I can (myself), and the wisdom to know the difference. Instead of trying to manage the lives of others, I do the work to make the changes I need to make in my life. This keeps me pretty busy since I have learned that I have a lot of changes I need to make. These changes are not meant… Read more »
Before I could learn how to keep the focus on myself, I had to become aware why it’s important to keep the focus on myself and that’s directly related to working the three Legacies of Al-Anon for me. Without the three Legacies (12 Steps, 12 Traditions, and 12 Concepts) I cannot continue to heal, because these Legacies remind me how much I matter, how much my loved ones matter, and how much every human in this world matters. As I slowly learn the importance of my own existence on this planet, it begins to make sense to me that focusing… Read more »
Remembering “First Things First.”
I can help by doing as the flight attendant reminds me “in case of emergency place the oxygen mask on myself 1st,” only then will I be able to assist others.