After doing my first Fourth-Step inventory, I noticed a theme among my character defects—self-preservation. These character defects served me well as a teen navigating the family disease of alcoholism. My favorite survival tactic was “out of sight, out of mind.” I would simply try to avoid the situation altogether by either hiding in my room or finding some other place to be. Extracurricular activities were my best excuse for staying away from home.

One of my favorite extracurricular activities was being on the Speech and Debate team, which kept me at school several hours a night and reduced my chances of ending up a target of drunken outbursts filled with rage and verbal abuse at home. I rather enjoyed standing toe-to-toe with others and debating on any number of topics. I was good at arguing the point of view I was given, whether I believed it or not. But these arguments were not personal—the opposition wasn’t attacking me, and I wasn’t attacking them. These were “honest fights” that brought me a lot of joy. By contrast, the arguments at home always involved personal attacks for which I had no recourse, and I never won.

These many years later, I still love a good debate and enjoy public speaking. I still get butterflies, but I also get the same euphoria I would in those classrooms arguing my point. But when it comes to speaking as an Al‑Anon member, it is important that I adhere to our spiritual principles.

As an Al‑Anon member, I may be invited to speak in any number of settings: at an Al‑Anon meeting, a convention, or some kind of celebration. Members may also be asked to speak at professional conferences or be interviewed for radio or television. Tradition Eleven reminds us that “we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV.”

The media is an effective avenue for carrying the message of Al‑Anon to the broader community, but it does present challenges. Interviewers often include their guests’ full names in their introductions. This provides an opportunity to explain our principle of anonymity; you can ask the interviewer to use only your first name, your first name and last initial, or a pseudonym. For visual media, protection of your face and voice must also be considered. Maintaining your anonymity is especially important if you are sharing your story, because the audience will know you are an Al‑Anon member.

But even if you are not sharing your personal recovery story, it is still important to be mindful of how you maintain anonymity while carrying the message. This applies especially to the internet and social media sites. You can share a social media post by the World Service Office from your personal account, which is likely to have your full name and profile picture, as long as you refrain from revealing your membership in Al‑Anon or sharing your personal experience.

One of the hardest things for me to remember is to refer to Al‑Anon as “they” instead of “we,” since it is a “we” program. But while I’m practicing Step Twelve, carrying the message, I must also practice Tradition Eleven, maintaining personal anonymity in the media. So, instead of saying Al‑Anon saved my life, I say Al‑Anon saves lives.

By Scot P., Director of Communications & Community Awareness

The Forum, November 2023

Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.