Have you ever gotten your car stuck in the mud? The more you accelerate, the deeper the rut becomes. You’re not going to get out by spinning your wheels.
Recently, someone in a meeting compared the neural pathways in our brain to the ruts in the mud when our car is stuck. The more we repeat the same destructive thoughts and behavior, the more ingrained those ideas and habits become. So, we’re spinning our wheels, continuing to utilize old beliefs, and acting in ways we learned as coping mechanisms for life with an alcoholic.
Some of us carry these beliefs from childhood. “I’m not good enough,” or “This was a stupid idea,” or “Why even try; it’s not going to happen,” are thoughts that ran through my brain constantly. And even though those beliefs are no longer true, that rut in my brain was so deep that it’s taken a long time and a lot of conscious effort to reroute my thinking.
Daily practice of Steps Six and Seven—“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character,” and “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings”—helps me arrest old, erroneous beliefs and redirect. The image hit me one day of a bulldozer filling those ruts with huge quantities of rich, fertile soil.
Now when I find myself veering toward a mud-mind, I remind myself this that road is closed. As a matter of fact, it’s blossoming into a gorgeous field of flowers. Just like me.
By Mimi W.
The Forum, November 2026
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.