Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members if they ever thought the drinking would stop if the drinker really loved them.
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My husband chooses drinking over me and his kids almost every day after work. He’ll drink before he returns home from work, and then he’ll consume some more drinks here at home. That one drink has turned into a whole six pack and then some. I have left my husband because of this, and then he promises me that he’s not going to drink even a sip ever again. Here we are three months back into living together and he’s drank every day for the past 2 months. It hurts and he knows how much his drinking hurts me. I’ve… Read more »
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When I met my husband, he drank. Didn’t seem like a big deal or maybe I just looked past it. It was kinda love at first sight. I knew very quickly that he was special. We moved in together after 4 months. Got married after a year. It was the big wedding I always wanted. We were so happy for the first three years. He was my best friend. Then, he totaled his vehicle drinking & driving. He wasn’t hurt but ran from the vehicle. He was thrown in jail, had an anklet on for a year after he was… Read more »
Hi everyone, I am grieving the loss of the father of my 1 year old child, on Father’s Day he decided to leave and get loaded with a 36 pack of beer. He drinks beer daily about a 14-24 pack a day. He did not spend Father’s Day with his son because he rather get loaded. I made a decision to let go of him. I realized that I can not control it, I can not cure it and I will not change it. He admits he has a problem and detoxes only during lent. I can no longer take… Read more »
Yes I tried to help my on/off again so many times to quit the drinking and drugs. Just recently helped him detox after a long binder and it was really scary thing to watch, prob even dangerous because he is prone to seizures and even needed a prescription to get into detox his last go round… basically he detoxed, and then discarded me. What happened is he couldn’t function so he used me to be able to function while drinking, problem is I believed he was quitting and that my love would carry him thru AGAIN. I am always wrong.
I am coming to the realization that my husband may be an alcoholic or at least have a serious drinking problem. I am three months pregnant with twins and I have asked him repeatedly to slow down or stop drinking and he says he will but then he gets drunk and is mean and tells me it’s my fault he drinks and I’m too controlling and a bad wife. I’m terrified to leave because I love him and I don’t want to do this without him, I don’t really know if I can without him. But something has to change.… Read more »
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. We have a 4 year old and I am weeks away from giving birth to our second. He started going to AA meetings in November and was sober up until April as far as I’m aware. He gets support from family and friends. He has recently started to hide bottles and drink secretly. I’ve tried to support him through this but honestly sometimes it feels like trying to revive a dead dog. It just seems so selfish to me that I’m the one who needs to most support now and don’t… Read more »
I was married to my husband for 10 years. We loved each other so deeply. I knew he did have a drinking problem prior to marrying him but had no idea really what it meant. I figured love would see us through. We had many special times. In our early years of marriage first 3 he was drinking and I told him to get help which he did not. His drinking got worse. I felt and saw a change in him. He was not the same man I married. Finally after about 9 years his behavior was more angry, verbal… Read more »
Hey everyone. If you stay with an alcoholic, you will have endless heartache. […] Mother was a very abusive alcoholic for 32 years and now in a nursing home with stage 4 dementia and COPD. Ended up in ER a few times due to her abuse. Ex boyfriend spends $2,500 each month on alcohol consumption. I cut him off 1.5 years ago after he picked me up for dinner in his truck and crashed into a concrete pillar and drove off after I told him to stop and wait for police. He was swerving all over the road, my life… Read more »
Loving an alcoholic is hard. My girlfriend drinks a bottle of whiskey every day and has no signs of slowing down. I try to help her, try talking about the danger of the bottle, and voicing my concerns, but she doesn’t want to make any changes. I worry for her health, and safety, especially now that alcohol is banned during our ridiculous lockdown policy and she still buys booze through blackmarket channels that I really don’t like. Dealing with people I really don’t like. My feelings and concerns are disregarded and she goes about obtaining alcohol. If she loves alcohol… Read more »
I understand completely. My alcoholic husband has left for another woman. But he calls me from phone numbers that I can not contact him. He says things like, “you don’t deserve this, I love you, I can’t live like this, I can’t stop drinking”. Then he hangs up and leave me to worry about him. I have tried everything. I’m not sure if he is trying to ask for help or he is really saying “I don’t want to stop drinking”. Either way I have to find peace and at the same time try to be prepared to help if… Read more »
I lost my woman to alcohol in January she run off with a fellow alcoholic a real degenerate. My problem is I still love her and care about her and worry about her health. I have not heard from her In about a month now and when she does make contact it’s through the other guy – usual threats etc. I’d love to hear from her I just can’t get my head round why she would leave while I was at work after begging me not to go to work that day I’m bitter as she has no friends and… Read more »
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. It’s his 2nd divorce and he admits he has a drinking problem. However, he doesn’t think he’s an alcoholic. He drinks beer. Easily he will drink 14 beers a night (4-5 x weekly). On top of this he smokes pot each night to help him sleep and to help him stop drinking. Regardless of how much I love him I left him 3 months ago. I’ve tried to offer him help and get his friends involved. They just see him as a good guy and they don’t want to get involved. So… Read more »
I’m so torn whether to stay or leave. I love my Boyfriend so much and want us to work but he drinks and blacks out 4-5 days a week. I feel very alone in our relationship. He doesn’t remember a lot of our conversations or times spent. I just moved in with him and since it has gotten worse. Before, I felt he tried harder to keep it under control, but now it’s almost like he thinks I’m stuck and he doesn’t have to try. I try talking to him (when he’s sober) but he just sees it as nagging… Read more »
I don’t know what to do anymore. I was his girlfriend and he promised he stop drinking and know he is in a room drinking. Do I call 911? I don’t want to destroy his life and I don’t want him to die. What do I do for him and others
Although many of us are practicing social distancing and are unable to get out to attend face-to-face meetings, that does not mean we are isolated from support. Al-Anon Family Groups offer a large list of electronic meetings on a variety of platforms, including email, Skype, Zoom, WhatsApp, and phone. In addition, the meetings are available at all hours of the day, and some even 24 hours a day. Technology has made it possible for us to never be alone. All we have to do is reach out. Please visit our Electronic Meetings page.
Thank you for this group. I’m not able to get to a real meeting so this really helps.
I’m 23, he is 29. First kid is 2 and half and 3 weeks old. He is currently living with mom 3 hours away. But said he has been sober for 2 weeks and decided to drink once. I don’t know how to think about it… because we have been together of and on for about 6 years now… back when we first got together he was a drinker and we were able to have fun. A few years down the road things got ugly, a lot of ugly fights… broke up, got back together, him saying he won’t drink… Read more »
I have been with my boyfriend for 14 years. We were young and going to bars a lot then. After years of that, I grew up and didn’t want or need to go out and get drunk all the time. He pretty much quit going out too then. Fast forward to five or six years ago, and he started drinking a lot more, at home. He used to get angry and mean during that time, but finally went and got diagnosed with a few issues and started some medications. He no longer gets mean, but his drinking is getting worse… Read more »
My boyfriend of 3 years and the father of our son goes MIA on me, will go to work and not come back till the next day. He will spend his whole check if it’s pay day then will come home apologize and say he’s never drinking like that and then it happens over and over until he gets annoyed too. Then the last time he tells me I’m not going to drink anymore well not forever but a couple months he has already got a Dwi but continues to drink and drive and his family way of bonding with… Read more »