Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members if they ever thought the drinking would stop if the drinker really loved them.
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My husband goes to the pub at 10.45am everyday, comes home then starts again, stops when he falls asleep. He’s always drank but it’s ridiculous. We hardly ever go out, if we do we’re usually back by 1pm by 1.05 he’s gone to the pub. I don’t drink!! Also his smoking is out of control everyone mentions it as he hangs out the window. I’ve tried talking to him but he won’t listen.
What helped me the most was learning the 3 Cs it’s a saying we all know…
You can’t cure him,
You can’t control alcoholism,
You did not cause this.
It’s not your fault.
I was in the same place a few years ago. Find an Al-Anon meeting, we have all been where you are now.
Ever since my boyfriend of three years started this new job, he can’t stop drinking. Use to be 3 drinks a day. Then 6. Then 9. Now 11. He keeps saying he needs to get help but doesn’t do anything about it. I don’t nag him, but I give my support and try to share resources for help. He doesn’t seem to appreciate me anymore, and says he no longer feels anything. Don’t really know how much longer I can take him not being there for me when I do so much for him. All because of alcohol.
I lost my husband 3 weeks ago. The guilt I feel is overbearing. I blame myself. I should’ve tried more, tried harder. He needed help and I wasn’t enough. I miss him so much. Our life had a lot of happy moments as well as a lot of unhappy ones. When sober, things were amazing. When drunk, I was the last person he wanted to hear from. He would drink almost every day, sometimes every day. From morning to night with whatever alcohol was available. He’d say he would quit, but that would last maybe 2 weeks and then he’d… Read more »
I am 25, boyfriend is 26. He is the best guy I know. He is kind, funny, outgoing, adventurous and much more. But since he started his new job 3 months ago, he has been drinking every weekend. For the most part anyways. Drinking has always been an issue and it is actually how our relationship started. We have been together for almost 7 years and started out as drinking buddies. Then turned into a relationship. Anyways, fast forwarding to present tense. I do get naggy and he tells me I treat him like a child. Yes partly I just… Read more »
Hi I feel so much for this girl. I have been on both sides, a drinker and a spouse of one. The difference for me now is that I can see that life is more important than a drink at a given moment. I drink but not ever to put it ahead of someone or something like my 12 year old dog, eg. I feel blessed for that.
I am 22. Boyfriend 25. I have known him since I was thirteen and we got in a relationship three years ago. He is really funny, caring, protective and well a good person underneath. But of course, he has a drinking problem. He goes without drinking maximum 13 days and then binge drinks like hell. Sometimes it has been more frequent than 13 days. I don’t think in our time together he has ever gone a month without drinking. Worst part is somehow I am always effected. Like he would play cruel pranks on me when drunk, show up at… Read more »
HI, Thanks for your post and i’m sorry to hear. Addiction certainly is cunning and baffling and is the only illness i know which will sometime force family to have to turn there back on there own family. There is a solution though. I’m in recovery myself and battled endlessly until i was finally beaten enough to A) ask for help and B) put in the work required to overcome the illness. I was expelled from school, messed up exams and stole from family and friends constantly to drink. I was diagnosed with alcoholism at the age of 18, i… Read more »
I have been dating the most wonderful man for 9 months. We started off as friends and I wasn’t sure I felt attracted to him. But he pursued me relentlessly wining and dining me and making me feel like a queen. He was charming, smart, funny and kind. I knew he drank because he is overweight and has an unhealthy look to him. But by the time I really knew the reality (even though we never talked about his drinking), I had fallen in love with him, and even though I smelled alcohol on his breath every time he came… Read more »
I don’t have anything as near as bad as a lot of the comments above. i am 47, I ike my wine, a lot and i purposely have 3 nights off a week, for health and wealth! My partner is 46 and I love him dearly, he’s everything to me but since October 2016 when he moved in with me in my 1 bed flat, he has not had a night off from drinking a whole bottle of 12.5 or 13% red wine. He moans at me for nagging him to take a day or two off in the week… Read more »
Been seeing each other since later part of 2011. Met in a difficult part of my life and I had a son that was a year in a half old at the time. Due to an accident my son’s father had the previous year I was left a single mother. That was when my drinking had began and when I met the man that I am now on here about. I no longer drink. He is a functioning alcoholic though. Same as every other has said on here…Amazing man sober….a monster drinking. He doesn’t drink everyday but he can only… Read more »
I have been involved with an alcoholic for 7 to 8 years. He had me move in with him.. Big mistake….as now I can’t find another apartment I can afford….rent has gone way up. At first he kept drinking and yelling at me to move. Now he says because of the cold weather he’s moving to Florida and leaving me….so get ready. He retired and now all he does is sit around and drink. When I met him he had nothing but helped him get on his feet and now he just ‘never developed any feelings for me.” However, when… Read more »
On December 22nd my Dad got obliterated drunk. He decided it was a good idea to drive to a Pizza place 20 miles away and buy some pizza. Amazingly, he made it home without killing somebody or getting pulled over. My mother and I had a huge blowout with him lasting about 4-5 hours until he finally started to sober up. Eventually, he fell asleep and the very next day my mother gave him an ultimatum either quit drinking, or she leaves. He agreed and then hugged me and said, “I love you, you know that right?” I nodded, and… Read more »
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. Things went quick. I knew he had a drinking problem shortly after we started dating when he was completely drunk every time we met and would stumble all the time I looked passed that and i do love him. I moved to be closer to him and start a new job. He moved in with me after about 6 months of dating. His drinking was bad he was fired for showing up drunk before i moved. He got another job and seemed to be doing a little better,… Read more »
I’m watching my wife die, slowly, day by day. She used to be drop-dead gorgeous. She turned every head when she came into a room, and not just because of her looks. She had an aura, a charisma. She was also a fabulous entertainer, actually a professional singer for many years. Before that she was a nurse and worked for some of the top doctors in the area. We met when she just turned 40 and I was 51. She openly told me when we met she was in treatment for drug addiction, but she seemed to be serious about… Read more »
I am 31, my husband is 34. We have been married for 10 years, together for 13 years. We have 4 kids 4,5,7 & 9 years old. Last night he told me there was a lot of women out there and he could just go get another one and have other kids. Just like that. I’ve never felt so disposable. He said he will never stop drinking for us, that he will die drinking. He doesn’t think he has a problem, he can control his drinking and when he gets real drunk he says it’s intentional. He doesn’t want to… Read more »
Been with my boyfriend 16 years. 2 kids, a 14 year old girl and 8 year old son. He’s beat me 5 times drunk and told me he was going to leave me and the straw of last was when I started drinking too…confessed to cheating 10 years ago. I think he is holding that against me and told me drunk he never loved me and was a lie and denies that is not true and acts like nothing… I am going get a job since last job was 2013 at ER and had to quit because daycare issues and… Read more »
I’m 48 and my husband of 3 years is 57. We dated for 6 years before we got married. Yes – we met at a bar. We were both divorced. I was attracted to him because he was the life of the party, everyone loved him, fun guy! Sex life was great. We would dance and party with the best of them until the bar closed weekend after weekend. With all of that being said – I do not blame him for everything. I knew he drank. I also knew his marriage ended due to his wife’s cheating — perhaps,… Read more »
I am the wife of a binge alcoholic. I just left home this week after being married for 23 years. My two sons (ages 23 & 19) are alcoholics and substance abusers. My 19 year old just finished 30 day residential treatment for heroin (after his 2nd relapse). My husband thinks because he has cut back, he is fine. He gets drunk, says horrible things, antagonizes me and the kids and then apologizes or most often, blames me. As I began reading these comments, the damage that alcoholism causes is so deep it is simply overwhelming. What is also overwhelming… Read more »
My husband is a drinker and has been for the last 35 years or so. At first I did not know it. He is a nice person underneath, but he is so sick from his drinking. He twists things. He lies. He takes up for himself even though he is wrong. I have reached out for help from family members and also other people to try and figure this thing out, but everyone looks at me like there is something wrong with me. They say things like, Leave him alone, or be nice. I have been so mentally abused by… Read more »