Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members if they ever thought the drinking would stop if the drinker really loved them.
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It is scary seeing patterns of my own relationship in these pages. It is clear to me now that my husband is functioning alcoholic. I tried so hard to believe that he is not, but it is glaringly obvious that drinking is a permanent fixture in his life. He drinks about three or four times a week and when he is, he breaks promises, let me and the kids down and generally gets depressed. He blames his unhappiness on me because I am not accepting his drinking and lack of discipline and because I demand better. We argue and his… Read more »
I have been with my partner 17 years, we have one son who is 12. When we first met I didn’t notice any issues as we were young and drinking every week was the done thing. Once we were parents though I started to notice how he couldn’t go 1 week without drinking. It’s crept up over the last 12 years. He’s not a day drinker. He starts drinking at like 10pm at night till he goes to bed in the early hours of the morning. These days it’s almost every night. He hides his empty bottles around the house.… Read more »
I’m struggling. I loved a man that always told me that he didn’t have a drinking problem he just enjoyed being social. He would criticise his friends that spent time in the pub when they had young families. I thought he knew what was important. I’m breaking. I ended the relationship because I was fed up that he could get to the pub early but never come to mine early. He was fed up of my moaning. Saying he thought the world of me but he was a drinker and always would be. I’ve beat myself, I’ve blamed myself for… Read more »
I’m married to an alcoholic. When drunk he hates me, hates himself and his life. He either is talking about killing himself or how horrible I am as a person. I’m tired of the mornings after where he apologizes and says he never meant it. It’s happened so much I have no idea what to believe, other than I no longer trust he fully loves me and is full of excuses. He knows he has a problem and will always say how much he wants to change, but like I said, he can find any excuse to drink and will… Read more »
I can’t believe I’m writing this story. I come from a family with alcohol problems. I fell in love with someone who I felt chose alcohol over me. The final straw was when I asked him not to bring a bottle of vodka to the beach with me. It was a very special occasion for me. I told him I just wanted him to spend time with me sober and have fun. I felt like he couldn’t go a couple of hours without it and it made me feel so inadequate. I thought I conveyed that nicely and just tried… Read more »
My daughter loves and lives with an alcoholic and their 1 year old daughter. I find it so stressful knowing how he lets her down and uses her that I have now chosen to step away. My daughter had a miscarriage last month and he went off for a 6 day bender while I helped her recover, before coming back. Now they’re all happy families again and I feel sick. He called me to apologise as he has done many times before but this time I stated very clearly : I choose not to have a call with you right… Read more »
To the guy who chose alcohol over me – I know you’ve rationalized that downing 12 beers in one hour every night is normal and makes you happy but the 15 hour naps afterwards where I had to take on your life responsibilities such as feeding your dog, letting him outside and cleaning up the house was less than desirable. Let’s be honest, your charm and caring nature was incredible. The roses and gifts never got old and your humor was every sarcastic girls dream but the inability to go anywhere or do anything without a beer within reach was… Read more »
I left an alcoholic three years ago ( the father of my children) I tried so hard everyday to save him but he was so angry and upset all the time I felt alone and fell into a dark place. After finding myself again I met a new guy he is amazing after a year of dating him I realized he drank a lot and noticed him hiding it. He told me he was an alcoholic but his personality was so much different then my ex he was kind and loving not mean. Still I feel I’m falling down the… Read more »
I love an alcoholic. He was never one before, he has ptsd from the past as a child. He would numb the pain with marijuana. Four years ago though, we were going through a rough patch and he decided we needed a break. Which we did, if he would have never have left, I would not be about to graduate with 2 masters and a good job. Instead of him fixing and working on himself, he got a part-time job at a bar. Within three months of working there, he got a dui. After that, he told me he was… Read more »
Help I’m lost and Don’t know what to do? My husband of 8 years has been a heavy drinker for the last 3 years. Everyday 10am he starts, I feel lonely and let down. He’s not who I married he’s completely lost and I want to help. I’m losing all respect for him whilst starting to hate myself for accepting his behaviour. He really doesn’t see he has a problem and it’s my problem why I get upset, angry and hurt when he drinks. I feel like I’m not enough! I just want a normal happy life not this lonely… Read more »
I have been talking and texting with a guy I really like. We talk all the time and we enjoy each other’s company. Unfortunately, he seems to get drunk every other day or even on 2 consecutive days. We are in the same university and have similar courses. He is a really good student and submits his assignments on time; nevertheless, it worries me that he drinks on school nights- from beer to whiskey. When I bring up his drinking problem, his usual response is “I can quit tomorrow if I want to”. However, he makes no effort to quit.… Read more »
I loved an alcoholic who denied it. I think I knew all along but I didn’t want to believe it. He loved his kids so much that I figured by showing him this great life with all our kids it would make him want to get better. I stuck it out for two years before I had enough. Being stood up and left behind because of a liquid. It is a disease and if they are willing to get help, you’re one of the lucky ones. I told mine I wouldn’t leave him and would be his friend and help… Read more »
I have been living with and loving an alcoholic. I have known him for a year now and we always have gotten along really great. It was always just so easy. I felt I could always be myself and never had to try to impress or be anybody that I wasn’t. I was a very casual drinker and knew he was an alcoholic from the beginning when I started dating him. It was easy for me to me not drink at all since I knew he had struggled. His alcoholism is different from any I have seen. He can go… Read more »
We broke up two months ago. Letting him go for the final time after nearly 4 years of drunkenness, lost jobs, license, still drinks and drives, abuse (emotional/physical), he would leave and disappear but would refuse to leave my house when I needed a break. Sober he is cold/distant or loving and kind. You never know what you are getting from day to day. He has found another woman (a drunk homeless jobless loser like him). I feel betrayed, abandoned. He promised me so many times to get help. Its all to bide their time. waiting on plan B. I… Read more »
It’s crazy I relate to all of this when I really didn’t want to not ever would I think I’d be One of those girls that had a guy she couldn’t count on cause of drinking, it’s really lonely over here I know we all feel this. God I have never felt so alone in my life and at a point I have no one to talk to so I’m here, sharing my feelings anonymously my bf is currently drinking right now, it seems every holiday this happens and he does get angry when we talk about it so what… Read more »
I left my ex in March 2020 before we went into full lockdown days later. It was an extremely stressful time. My kids live with me full time, we share the youngest together, who is two but he’s always had a close bond with my older two as well. He’s a great dad when he’s present. He’s an alcoholic. So alcohol rules his life. Day in and out. He ruins holidays, birthdays, everything you name it. He never realizes how wasted he gets, until the next day. However it doesn’t ever stop him. I left him because he wouldn’t stop… Read more »
My boyfriend gets in these moods where he doesn’t want to answer any of my questions, completely detached from any intimacy, extremely defensive, turns everything around on me, lies about drinking, defends why he should be able to drink, and overall not the man I fell in love with. This addiction is completely taking over the relationship and I don’t know if I want to go another year of this. I’m not even sure I have the emotional capacity to. This disease will completely change you as a person if you are a loved one of someone with addiction. The… Read more »
A man is suppose to take responsibility of his actions for drinking…if he doesn’t he is going to ruin your childrens life and yours and everything around him ….jobs finacial issues….relationships….everything….run for the hills if they dont get help…thats selfish pride….
He’s trying to quit drinking. Or drink less. He’s been kinda taking it out on me. I recently lost my job over stupid stuff but found one 3 weeks later. He’s not working cuz of a back issue. He wants to go back to work. But his company won’t let him. They are paying full wages. He’s embarrassed, ashamed of himself. constantly asking me why I’m with him. I believe in him. I believe he can cut back. But the withdrawals are crazy. He’s not himself. He also takes care of his mom. He knows he’s an alcoholic. Honestly I… Read more »
Hi everyone I’ve been doing a lot of research online about alcohol and how it affects someone’s mind and I’ve been doing this research because I’ve been in a relationship with one and it’s really taking a toll on me… as I write these words I’m crying because I’m so fed up and I’m so hurt and I feel betrayed. I express myself to my partner and it’s like he doesn’t get it, it’s like he’s not there. He never wants to be intimate with me and I’m not an ugly girl. I’m very attractive a lot of men find… Read more »