Why Did You Come & Why Did You Stay
Please share your experiences by commenting on the topic below. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
This month we’re asking you to share why you came to Al‑Anon and why you keep coming back.
I came back to Al-Anon after being away from it for 17 years. I had attempted to go because my kids’ father, my ex, was an active alcoholic and I was teetering on the edge. Co-dependency was my middle name; if his day went bad so did mine. If he was riding high, I was too. His moods, his actions, his actions or lack of, dictated everything about my life and I was losing myself trying to be everything in the world for him. I stopped going because I had no support. My family felt I didn’t need it and… Read more »
I came to Al-Anon because I am finally making changes in my life and need support whilst I am doing this. I have left my alcoholic and gambler husband after 38 years, 10 of those years being extremely traumatic and unmanageable. I can no longer continue to support him. I have realised, sadly, that I have enabled his addictions for too long and he is not going to change, so I need to make the changes. This is resentment for this at the moment but I know I am making the right decision for myself and my three sons.
I came because I was angry at my partner for her behavior when she is drinking. That anger was making me miserable, and not allowing our relationship to develop. I kept trying to change what she did. Alanon has helped me realize that I have no right to try to control her behavior, and that I can step away when I want and have my own life.
I’ve been with my spouse 22 (not great) years and am a bit aghast to admit I’ve only recently started noticing just how much he drinks, and how early… Am suddenly seeing our life through a lens of potential alcoholism (and maybe not-quite-as-high-functioning-as-I-thought). His lack of advancement at work. The lack of motivation to ever DO anything except concerts at bars (he is 50). The blaming of anything negative on me, including his behaviour or his *not* doing things. The “forgetfulness” I was starting to think was just gaslighting. The surprising and disconcertingly aggressive arguments. I have blamed myself in… Read more »
I came to find some kind of peace in my life. Everything feels so out of control and I know it’s nothing that I personally can control but it is driving me insane. I need help to process the emotions that I’m experiencing that truly understands what I am going through. No one understands – everyone in my life says to just leave him.
I was told to join Al-Anon years ago, (maybe 10 years ago) when my dad’s drinking was probably at its worst. My mom kicked my dad out and from then on he was convinced that my sister and I didn’t care about him. I’m not sure why I didn’t start meetings back then, and now he has recently passed away from alcohol abuse. And I find myself extremely hurt and sad and angry and want to turn to alcohol to mask all my heavy feelings. I am an emotional train wreck most days and I worry about my son. And… Read more »
I grew up in an alcoholic home both parents drink, but that wasn’t what brought me to Al-Anon. It was my husband’s alcoholism. After attending Al-Anon for awhile I started to see how much I really was affected by my parents’ drinking. I didn’t realize how much post traumatic stress it had caused me until I started Al-Anon. For me, I feel like me going to Al-Anon helped my husband find sobriety. He has been sober 4 years now, I continue to go to Al-Anon. I still have those character defects, if I stop working my program I will relapse… Read more »
I’m noticing that I’m unheard, no one hears me, noone can see what I’m writing, noone comprehends anything that I say. It’s hard to make improvements withthis happening.
Working in an environment where alcohol and gambling is present is having quite the effect on me. I was actually thinking of investing in the hotel business however the alcohol component is effecting me in a harsh way. I think I’ll stay away from investing in them and just working there. I hope to stay as part of the group till I make changes. Changes will happen I am a student, IRS just eventually.
I decided to join Al-Anon after seeing everyone around me drinking alcohol, gambling, and doing drugs. It’s a harsh reality to be in a place where no one shares the same values as I do.
I chose to join an Al-Anon meeting because it was recommended to me by my therapist. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that my father has a serious problem with alcohol. I always used to think that he only liked to party because he would say “I work hard and deserve a drink”. It wasn’t until I moved out, and he moved to a different state that I saw the lifestyle from an outside perspective. It made me feel guilty that I may have contributed to his problem by drinking with him or joining his parties.… Read more »
I’m trying to learn acceptance for the alcoholics in my life, including my mother and my 3 brothers. My two younger brothers are 40/early 40s and both are living with my older parents, who enable them. My parents are under a tremendous amount of stress trying to fix my brothers’ problems, which leads to my mom drinking and my dad feeling alone and sad. There’s not much time and energy left over to take care of themselves as a couple or individually, or to come see me and my family (out of state.) I am trying to learn that there… Read more »
Today is my 30th Al-Anon birthday. I can hardly believe it! I came here looking for the people of Al-Anon to confirm that I should divorce my alcoholic husband. When no one would tell me what to do, other than, “keep coming back,” I did just that. I found that the hour sitting in the room of Al-Anon was an hour that I didn’t worry about the chaos going on at home. Slowly, I began to hear that this program was for me. It wasn’t about getting him sober. Today I know that life continues to happen–hard times will come… Read more »
I have come because I am hopeful that there are ways to cope and possibly help my alcoholic mother and to be able to accept the fact that my partner drinks alcohol socially. I have a history of problem drinking and am 9 months clean and am occasionally tempted to go back to being a “social” drinker – though I don’t know if I have the ability to moderate my consumption and not use it as a coping mechanism as soon as I would decide to have it in my diet again. I read a lot about recovery and am… Read more »
I came because I realized that I have PTSD from growing up with alcoholic parents and it has caused me to become someone I can’t stand. I am bitter, critical and negative and I want to change this. I will stay because I believe this is a place of hope.
I came because I feel like my life is spinning out of control. My husband’s alcoholism, and my reactions to it are getting worse and worse. I feel like I’m just as sick as he is at this point. I want my sanity back. I’ve lost myself and I want ME back! I am staying because I am on my journey to recovery. I still have bad days, but now I have good days too. I am learning how to find myself again. Hearing other people who understand what I’m going through, have been where I am, have felt what… Read more »
I came because my life was unmanageable. I stay because I have learned about powerlessness. I came because I didn’t know what to do about my (alcoholic) father. I stay because the tools of this program help me get along better with my (alcoholic) mother. I came because I had difficulty accepting the things I could not change. I stay because I found the courage to change myself. I came because of my problems (Step 1). I stay because there is a solution (Steps 2-12). I came seeking Recovery. I stay because I found a balance of Recovery with Unity and Service. When I came, I… Read more »
I came to Al-Anon to learn to get my husband to fly right. I had zero idea the program is about me. It took me about three months before I stopped thinking I missed the meeting where they told us how to shape him up. I remember at the first meeting I attended, someone shared “I am grateful to live in this beautiful town” and I thought “ok sister, let’s get to the point! what’s this got to do with the problem at hand?” Well, it turns out: plenty. It kind of is the point isn’t it? To focus on… Read more »
I initially considered Al-Anon because of a past relationship with a person I believed was an alcoholic (based on them not being emotionally available). Years later I realized they weren’t an alcoholic. I attended my first meeting to meet the ex of a friend. I thought that person could be my next relationship. We never met. Working the Al-Anon program made it possible for my marriage to be healthy and authentic. I stayed because the principles of the program teach me how to live differently and have “contentment and even happiness” during good times and difficult times. “We come to… Read more »
I came to Al-Anon because I have learned how my mom and dad’s drinking is affecting my romantic relationships and I want to learn more on how to take care of me.