What is the First Step in Al-Anon?

I just read all the posts here, which go back 11 years. I wasn’t planning to post, but after reading so many that echo my own experiences, I couldn’t help it. Thank you all for your bravery and for being here. Just reading others’ experiences helps me by showing me I’m not alone. I’m married to an alcoholic and am a recovering alcoholic myself. When we first got together, almost 30 years ago, we were young and innocent. Over many years, long before our children came along, we enjoyed drinking and drugs together, recreationally at first, but over time it… Read more »

I love my boyfriend dearly and we get along very well. He has been clean for 4 years this past Nov. What I am having trouble dealing with is the constant meetings, the constant Facebook checking, the fact that he gets to hear “Atta boy” 3-4 times a week. He has informed me that this is something that he will have to do for the rest of his life. He moved in with me a couple of months ago because with his addiction came financial and legal issues and he could no longer afford his apartment. I thought it was… Read more »

I have been married for 25 years to a highly functioning alcoholic and I am looking forward to my first Al-Anon meeting. Why it’s taken me so long, I don’t know. I need help and support. We drank socially when we first met and were married so things seemed “normal” for us. His drinking quickly increased when we opened a business and started having children, less than two years in. He stayed late into the nights drinking with our employees while I was up doing night time feedings, wondering if this would be the night he wouldn’t make it home.… Read more »

My 30-year-old son is an alcoholic and refuses to get help. I am brand new to Al Anon and haven’t started the steps yet, but I have been reading these comments and getting an idea of what some of them are. It’s so difficult for a mom to accept the fact that she has no control over her son’s addiction. As parents, we always try to protect our children and keep them safe from harm. I know that he is an adult and the choice to drink is his and his alone, but accepting the fact that I can’t do… Read more »

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences on here. I am crushed. I don’t even know if I can get the strength to write at the moment. I am married to the perfect man for me when he is sober. He is not the same person when he drinks. I had never ever been around alcohol growing up. Neither of my parents drink. Not many of our family members like grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins drank. Maybe a couple did social drinking once in awhile. We are all Southern Baptist and were just raised to treat our bodies like a temple… Read more »

I just started Al-Anon. My first day was last week. I’m new into this so I don’t have a lot to say about it, but the little I have seen is eye-opening. I see people hurting and I realize that the hurt they have is what I have been carrying with me all my years. My father was an alcoholic. I parented him since I was a child. I see the unmanaging of my life and the life of my siblings being carried forward as a result of being in a diseased family. I feel that at this point, I’m… Read more »

I very much appreciate these podcasts–thank you! I’m coming back to Al-Anon / ACA after having attending a few meetings a number of years ago–I think I will benefit from this a great deal.

I am so glad I started reading. So many of these stories relate to me. I have an alcoholic boyfriend, no living together for the last 5 years. He has helped me buy the property to build this house. But he has not contributed to any house payment in the last 5 years. I so desperate for help. I always knew he drank, but in the last year it has become so much worse. His drinking has ruined so may occasions, I am also afraid to go home when I know he is there. He is very confrontational with everything..… Read more »

From reading some of these posts I have to realize that what I am going through is a compilation of what some others are going through. I wasn’t going to write on here because I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time but I need to do this for me. My husband enjoys drinking. I have asked him kindly to stop because it is hurting me and my boys. He doesn’t drink every day but he will sometimes not show up after work or on a Friday here and there and not contact us to let us know where he is.… Read more »

Where can one take a 11 year old to help with coping skills from a alcoholic mother? I’ve searched all around and only find alAteen and that’s for 13-18 yr olds. The situation does allow for family counseling. Was thinking he could go to school for help but he’s so scared they will remove him from home. My son has informed me of the situation at home and the boy has confirmed it. I knew just from looking but not close to family to confront on this extremely sensitive subject. We only go to birthday parties and class trips together.… Read more »

I really need help because I don’t know how to help my husband with his drinking problem and it has been really hard on me mentally, physically. I have been under so much stress in the last 24 years of marriage. I don’t know what to do.

Hi I have been married for almost 9 years and been together for 12 years when I met him he was a alcoholic and smoked weed. He is not able to work anymore due to copd so I work but when he dosnt have money for drink or weed he gets angry and has a go at me telling me it’s my fault and how he looked after me for yeRs when I didn’t work I try and say yeah but I do t drink or so drugs. His mates come over and all they do is sit there and… Read more »

I met my alcoholic husband 35 years ago, and we are married now for the past 32 years. When I met my spouse, I was a wreck–depleted physically, mentally and spiritually, and to add insult to injury I was suffering from low self-esteem. I would say to myself and to others, “Why me!” While in that sorry state of mass confusion, I met my sober alcoholic, and as the saying goes, “When the master cannot come, He sends a messenger,” and that is how I was introduced to Al-Anon. At first I thought I would go as an observer, but… Read more »

Thank-you and prayers to all of you who have written your life story. I have lived with an alcoholic husband for 31 years. He drank only socially the first 10 years. We were married for 5 years before I got pregnant, as I was sending him to school and supporting us. He worked part time after 3 years and I helped him study. After our son was born he started to drink a little more, until he lost his job after 5 years. I tried to be extremely supportive. My mother passed and then my father. He helped his family… Read more »

I have been with my husband for 25 years this May and married for 23 this April. My husband is an alcoholic. I realized this about 5 years into my marriage. He would binge about twice a year on drugs in the beginning, but things just got worse these past 2 1/2 yrs. He stays out all night, will only text me, never calls, and we will go weeks without speaking. If anyone tries to help him or suggests he has a problem, he shuts them out of his life. We have two daughters, 20 and 18, and they have… Read more »

I too am married to an alcoholic. We’ve been together for 6 years. I am also a big enabler. My husband has been out of work for a couple of years and I keep buying him beer! I know he has a real big problem, and it’s affecting his health in a big way, but I can’t help buying it for him because if he doesn’t have it, he’s sick all day (withdrawals basically). I feel like it’s a lose/lose situation. If I buy it for him, it’ll make him worse, but if I don’t get it for him he’s… Read more »

I am the alcoholic and being female I am struggling. I find it extremely hard juggling everything and know the pain I am causing my lovely man who is at his wits end with me. I have relapsed about seven times. I don’t even know why I do it, which is hard for me let alone my suffering man to understand. If I wasn’t such a coward, I’d take the final step and be gone forever. Genuinely think it would grant peace to the one I love.

My father has a drinking problem, and I have no idea as to why I’m talking about it on this post, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. He says that the reason he drinks is because his kids are so messy, and he calls us stupid pigs that don’t care about how they live. Our home may not be clean, but he drinks great big bottles of liquor every time he’s off of work. Then he throws things around and moves some things into a big pile in another room, claiming that the house is now… Read more »

I have been married to a cocaine addict for 2 years. I could not handle his addiction, as his addiction brought the worst out of me. My patterns of behaviour were controlling, judging, blaming him for doing things and expecting things from him, blaming him for spending money, giving out, that he ruined our relationship. In fact, I gave him my responsibility for my life and my happiness. The moment I met him I thought I would be able to help him, but in fact he does not need my help. The only person I should have helped is myself.… Read more »

I have been with my partner for six months now and love him to bits. He was straight about his addiction from day one. He would’ve been a year sober this month but has relapsed twice. I have tried to be supportive but recently he seems to be avoiding me, telling me he is helping out where he goes to AA meetings. He sends the odd text now and still says he loves me, but can be cruel in other texts. I want to hang on in there and see how things work out, but he won’t talk to me.… Read more »