When I walked into my first Al‑Anon meeting two years ago, I was a broken woman, although I didn’t realize it then. I went because our marriage therapist suggested it to me. I was hoping to learn how to make my husband sober. He’s the one with the drinking problem, I thought, not me. I thought that he chose to live an alcoholic lifestyle. He did not seem to care that he was ruining his life, my life, and our marriage.
In these past years, I have learned to accept that alcoholism is a family disease and to accept how I let this sickness affect me. Al‑Anon showed me the way to a better life through attending meetings and using the tools of this program. Moreover, I learned that, when it comes to my loved one’s alcoholism, I didn’t cause it; I can’t control it; and I can’t cure it. I caused my own pain and suffering by giving my loved one control of my feelings. However, today I have control of how I feel; I make myself stronger and happier by working the Al‑Anon program. I can also control my needs, wants, happiness, and sadness. I can live my life by my standards and trust in my Higher Power and myself.
Thanks to Al‑Anon, I am having a transformation. I lived for years in the cocoon of alcoholism. Suddenly I have the commitment, strength, and desire to break free, live my life, grow, and feel serene and content. I am broken no more. I no longer take everything my husband says personally when his disease is raging within him. Most of all, I have hope that my present and future life will continue to fulfill my desires and dreams.
By Gwen K., Indiana
Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2020
Can I go even if my loved one is not an alcoholic. I feel he says mean things that hurt me to the core and the more I try to explain to him the worse I feel it gets. Some days I think I’m codependent. Others I think I’m emotionally abused. And on others I think I’m the issue. I relate a lot to Al-Anon as I know I can only control my happiness. How I react. For me to stop feeling unheard. Etc.
All of us need to step out on faith and know God is in control of our AA’s. It’s not our responsibility to constantly remind, check in, or stay cause we feel bad. It’s our responsibility to live healthy, peaceful, and dare I say joyful lives. Trust God, not to perform miracles, although they can and do happen everyday…but trust no matter what happens or what He allows, He knows the road before we even see it. I’m writing this as my morning prayer for myself and for all of us. Peace in our soul, Peace in our minds, These… Read more »
My boyfriend and I were dating for 3 months when he started drinking, having been sober for 3 years he decided to try it for fun once, and has not been able to stop since. He’s been in and out of rehab for the past 7 months and I am so lost. I love him, and I know he loves me, but the never ending cycle of problems keeps pushing him back to drinking. It is so hard to not be upset and to not react to him in negative ways, and I try because I know it is triggering… Read more »
So my wife (and only person I generally speak to outside of work) began detox last Saturday at approximately 1:30pm. It is now Thursday at 4:00am and I am not coping with the change, worry and general loneliness that I feel right now. She is honestly an awesome lady who has always drank heavily, but has only recently began lashing out, having memory issues, etc. She realized herself that she needed to enter rehab and finally took this action. I, for whatever reason, had to begin therapy. Right now, I love her so much and she took a step in… Read more »
Please visit our Newcomers page to find out how Al-Anon can help and the Meetings page to find a meeting in your area. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic many face-to-face meetings are currently unavailable and we invite you to try an electronic meeting. Al-Anon Family Groups offer a large list of electronic meetings on a variety of platforms, including Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp, email, and phone. In addition, the meetings are available at all hours of the day, and some even 24 hours a day.
good morning everyone….. I am trying to find telephone or zoom meetings to attend in Houston, Texas. I cant seem to find them. I go on line and can’t figure it out. Can someone help? Please. I am new at this, however, I need to get started.
My husband of 23 years was up until a few months ago a functioning alcoholic. He’s a very heavy drinker and has been for our entire marriage. The first few years, he hid it from me. Now, he just hides it from family, church, and our life group friends and is pretty isolated. It has just started to get worse since Covid. He’s a vendor and his business suffered from all the lockdowns. We haven’t been hard pressed for money but I believe his self esteem is impacted. He’s up to a full bottle of red wine and 1/2 a… Read more »
I’m reading-I’m trying to find out what advice people have been given that makes the “sober” spouse feel better- I guess the only thing that has helped me at this moment is actually seeing all of the other people going through the same thing I am and my heart goes out. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years now and so many years have gone by with me sitting in a bedroom by myself at night-living a lie-dying inside-praying-staying here-staying true because I believe in that in a relationship-not wanting to end a marriage that really isn’t even a… Read more »
I have been in the program for 8 months – My wife, while in rehab, was told to suggest it for her family. ( Rehab that I coerced her into – Now I realize that this was a controlling effort on my part to save her – Spoiler, it did not work.) My daughter attends Alateen (Sometimes begrudgingly) but usually leaves the meeting feeling better. She, like I, takes comfort in knowing that she is not alone in dealing with this disease. My wife came home from rehab and started out strong, attended Outpatient rehab and went to online AA… Read more »
My husband of 26 years is a therapist and an alcoholic. He had a traumatic childhood that I think he has never worked through. He is a wonderful man and was a wonderful father to our two children up until about 5 years ago. Our family went through some very traumatic events and I think he hasn’t dealt with those either. He refuses to get help because he says he is the best therapist he knows and no one will be able to help him. With Covid, he has sunk in to a deep depression and his drinking has increased… Read more »
My wife is a high functioning alcoholic. She drinks every night beginning around 6:00pm until she passes out on the sofa. She consumes a full bottle of wine each night usually preceeded by one or two cocktails. Although she always feels the effects the next morning, by mid-morning she is into her routine as if the night before never happened. When she is not drinking she is the most wonderful person I have ever known but after several drinks she is difficult to be around. Once she begins drinking she is unable to stop. It has progressed over the years… Read more »
Over the last 20 years I’ve tried to control my husband by nagging, scolding, and and downright utter contempt, at his binge drinking. Nothing helped, it made it worse. My husband’s alcoholism has affected our marriage, our health both his and mine. Living under constant stress and uncertainty. It now has gotten to the point he finds himself in jail, for hitting me. For when he drinks, he can’t control his anger issues. I did start attending Al-Anon in Jan. But now not able to due to the Covid-19 crisis. Looking forward to getting back to group. But today in… Read more »
I can relate to this post so much! I have spent the better part of our 13 years together trying to “fix” my husband’s drinking, to no avail. I’m watching it get worse by the day. We’ve been down this road once before and it looks like we are headed there again. His father died from alcoholism and my biggest fear is that this is how he’s going to go. I just began going to Al-Anon, I am pretty skeptical about it, but I hope that I can find ways to take care of myself and avoid fighting with him… Read more »
I am 33 weeks pregnant with our 5th child. His drinking has always been somewhat of a problem, but after his dad passed last year, it got completely out of control. It lead him to an emotional affair that I caught onto before it got physical. 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. We are so close to having this baby and he is currently away, drinking and spending the night with his friends and family. It’s so disgusting and I just don’t know what to do anymore. The stories of acceptance scare me. We have young children.… Read more »
I have been married to a wonderful man, my best friend, father of my children for 30 years. When the kids were younger he worked, coached their sport teams and supported me as I went through school. He is everyone’s cheerleader. He loves Jesus and has such strong faith. To know this man is to love him. However, this amazing man is a heavy alcoholic. While dating, I was left at an airport, many times when we had plans if he was with his friends he was late for me or just didn’t show up. I let it go! I… Read more »
I’m so sad reading these comments. I can relate to so much of it. My boyfriend only drinks on the weekends. But he drinks until he’s wasted and then sleeps until the evening the next day. I’ve been dating him for two years and we’ve had so many conversations about him drinking and driving, drinking and never coming home because he passed out somewhere, drinking and keeping me up all night playing music no matter how many times I ask him to turn it down. Every weekend I feel so uncomfortable in my own home with him. It takes a… Read more »
After reading through these posts, I realize now more than ever that there is no way I’m willing to make the decision to stay in my relationship and progress with it unless I know without a doubt that God wants me to do so…I’ve cried in a way I haven’t cried since I was a little kid after reading these and I guess I probably needed to do that because lately I’ve felt an inability to really just get down and let it out…however, I do believe that the same God who can raise people from the dead can heal/cure/deliver… Read more »
I can relate to it all! I’ve been married 35 years, he has always had a drink but really showed signs of alcoholism 10 years ago. It has been really bad the last 3 years when he was acting out and was unfaithful several times. We had a family intervention last fall and he went to detox and live in rehab-which honestly could have been a better experience. The rehab seemed to be run by young therapist and his personal therapist was a younger woman….um, how does a 60 year old man relate to a younger woman??? Not! I helped… Read more »
My heart aches reading this. I’d ask what you did, but I assume you stayed. I have been cycling through this many times for 21 years now. Married to a police officer, former military. Last night, I began letting all of my anger build up when his voice reached a predictable ear piercing decibel. I ignored him. We all tend to scatter when he is drunk. Today, I am going through the charade of listening to his apology and hearing about how this is it for him and blahblahblah. I threatened to leave. I should. He would be on social… Read more »
I am so sad. Alcohol is gong to take my husband’s life. I have done everything I know how to do. Two 30 day stints in rehab, three detoxes at a hospital setting, It seems to be done. I have and always will love him. I will stay with him until the end. I am so sad.