Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we have with us a young woman who is a wife, a mother, a school teacher, and a member of Al-Anon Family Groups. She has agreed to talk with us about anger.
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His disrespect makes me angry. After three years and two kids, I am considering divorce. He doesn’t deserve the family I gave him, the family he wanted.
The anger and resentment I feel towards my alcoholic husband is consuming and hard to control when I see him. I have been taken for granted, lied to, cheated on, made responsible for raising our children alone, and had my marriage turn into a parent/child relationship over the past 9 years. I have given him chance after chance. Believed his lies over and over. Supported him in rehab after getting a DUI. Agreed to marriage therapy and he got himself so drunk he couldn’t even attend the second session. Screams at me about not giving him affection or sex enough… Read more »
My husband and I have been together for 6 years (Married for 2). We met when we were 19 and never looked back. We’ve graduated college, started our careers, made our home together with our dogs but no kids yet. He will take any excuse to drink, every Thursday he falls off the wagon because “it’s almost Friday” and won’t get back on again until Monday morning. Sometimes, Monday evening rolls around and he has had a long day and he’ll drink then to. He drinks 11 – 16oz beers every single time. I beg and beg him to stop… Read more »
My husband and I have been together for 14 years. We have raised beautiful children. He has held his job and never hits anyone. But every night, he gets sloppy drunk and acts all stupid, he goes on long rants we have to listen to or comes up with crazy ideas or jokes. I have so much anger that has built up. And anxiety. Anxiety when alcohol is served at something we are at. Anxiety when an emergency happens and he is out of commission. Anger when I find the hidden bottles. Sadness when he says tiny words that hurt… Read more »
My husband relapses every 3-6 months and I get very upset and all that unknown feelings hit and I know not to talk when he’s drinking but sometimes I let out and tell him about his self hurting me but of course we all know that makes it worse so I really struggle with all feelings inside.
When he’s sober, we are great. When he drinks, he feel he can control but my feelings are everywhere cause we cannot talk or kinda do are own separate things and then I’m at a loss.
These comments are absolutely unreal. As I read through years and years of comments I see my past, present and future. Both of my divorced parents are alcoholics- I do not have a relationship with my father but he has had many life altering situations surrounding alcohol. Alcohol has ruined every subsequent relationship my mother has had- leaving us/or her homeless on more than one occasion- whether it be her alcohol abuse or her partner. I myself have never been much of a drinker- mainly socially but sometimes going months without a drink at all. I met my partner almost… Read more »
Reading these posts reminds me of the intense loneliness I felt before Al-Anon. I had no one to talk to who could understand why I felt, thought and acted the way I did. Anger, frustration and resentment filled my heart. Questions of, “Why does he…,” “Why won’t she just…,” and “What am I supposed to do?” swirled in my mind. I went round and round trying to force what I thought were solutions, and nothing worked. In Al-Anon I have found more than answers to my questions. I’ve found a fellowship, a community in which I experience a sense of… Read more »
I met my boyfriend almost three years ago. I knew he had a drinking problem. But at first I wasn’t interested in a long term relationship with him. We kept dating and as long as I could rationalize that we were separate in some ways, I could deal with his drinking and call off the relationship. He was never abusive when drunk. Actually the opposite, became a softie and sentimental. But still sloppy. I developed a severe heart condition and needed open heart surgery. He was by my side in the hospital and took time off to care for me.… Read more »
I met my husband three years ago. He knew my stand on alcoholism and he immediately quit. Cold turkey. 100%. For 16 months lived sober. On October 27th we had a house fire. I was 13 weeks pregnant at the time. It was a devastating loss for us all. 6-8 weeks later, while living in a hotel, he began drinking again. Fast forward to 23 months later, he is now drinking upwards of 20 beers daily. He has no relationship with me after 4pm because that’s when the drinking begins. I had an emergency health issue following the birth of… Read more »
My husband stopped drinking last October, I am still lost, depressed and feel like a deer in headlights……
I had meet this man 5 years ago. He was jealous telling me what i must wear. If the is a guy looking for my when we are walking together.he is feeling angry shouting me. The first I meet him he was drinking a lot and he was a hardware until now.
These stories all sound the same. The man I fell in love with 30 years ago is gone. What is left behind is a man who drinks every day. He is the ultimate functional alcoholic. He has provided a wonderful home for our family, but the children are grown and have families of their own. He is now retired and drinks daily. I am still actively working which helps me from being around him 24 hours a day. He has never been physically abusive, but does get verbally abusive. I have tolerated him for years now and I am at… Read more »
At times I feel like I should have done this a long time ago. Tell my story that is or even what goes through my head as I try to continue to love someone who still is trying to love themselves. Trying to support and love an addict. I’ve been married a little over a year and have been with my wife about 3.5 years. She developed an alcohol problem as well as substance abuse. I have been with her through being cheated on over 5 times and being lied to at all times. Through disrespect and through her putting… Read more »
All thee posts I just read are my life with an alcoholic boyfriend. Only together 7 months and I fell in love. He is not abusive other than he drinks at least 18 beers per day. Fell through his friends glass table and almost died. I took care of him. He got layed off his jon. He runs to his ex-girlfriend down the street if I mention anything negative to him. I pray hard that I can get the strength to live without him. I moved to a new State and dont feel like having a life right now. I… Read more »
45 years. He’s quit twice. Sober now. I still walk on egg shells because of his hair trigger temper. But your comments have really helped me. I’ve struggled to raise 3 kids, teach 20 years and try to me to 5 precious little grandchildren and sit in church and Bible Study wth my (secret). It’s tough). I have Almighty God to judge for me and I pray on my knees for strength. But don’t get me wrong. I’m on sleep meds, anti-anxiety. Depression & migraine meds. You name it. Bless you all
I feel for everyone on here and I’m sorry. I understand what you are going through. My husband is an alcoholic and I also think he has ptsd. I do feel bad for him but I can’t take another drunken night. I’m ready to leave. We have a two year old son and I know deep in my heart leaving is the best for us. I just want him to have a loving, quiet and peaceful home. It’s my duty to give him that so if my husband can’t, I need to grow a backbone and face the music. It… Read more »
Yeah, I wish there were more meetings available in other areas..I heard communities can offer similar programs. I’ve done so much research on both sides, the addict and being the person around the addict..it’s helpful, but of course it’s still so hard :/ It’s so important to ensure you’re still doing things for yourself and if you have kids, for them as well. I hope so badly for the better in my relationship even when I feel so sick with all the lies. Some times I even wished I could send a message to all the places that served alcohol… Read more »
I suffer from alcoholism everyday. Alcohol has taken away my hopes and dreams for what my life would be like.. having grown up in an alcoholic household, I promised myself that I would never let my children know the pain, the shame, the loneliness of living like that.. and yet, they live with it every day of their lives. My husband is an alcoholic. I struggle to say functioning alcoholic as I don’t see much function in his life, but he is talented enough at being an alcoholic most people have no idea about his problem. If someone starts to… Read more »
Reading these comments is tripping me out. I swear each one i can relate to. I wish my small town had an AA or alanon, hell any support group but they don’t. 15 years dealing with it and i can’t do it anymore. I have no one to talk to about this. I suffer from cptsd and all this that i deal with. I just don’t know what to do. I am either angry, agitated, in panic mode or crying. The gaslighting is really bad too. So tired of the abuse. Thank you for this website. It makes me feel… Read more »
I understand how all of you feel. I am at the crossroads of what to do with my life. My husband went into rehab last summer for 4 weeks he was really ill and took a lot of persuasion to go. All seemed well for a couple of months then I noticed cans appearing and when I asked him he said ‘I never said I would stop’. Christmas was him in bed drunk and since then he has been staggering around at weekends repeating himself and cross if I say anything. I know he is depressed but I have tried… Read more »