Tradition Twelve
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Tradition 12. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
This Tradition has helped me in so many areas of my life. When I encounter difficult people, I keep in mind that I am not required to like them or to change them. I am receptive to learning something from them instead of dismissing them. I find that I can more easily accept them if I stick to my principles. I don’t get bogged down by worrying about the other person’s behavior, their motives, or their actions. I am only responsible for how I treat others. And I have found that in applying this Tradition to my life, I have… Read more »
Tradition 12 is a big deal. In Paths to Recovery, I learned that “what we learn in Al-Anon is far more important than the member of the group who is sharing or getting help.” (page 236). When I place principles above personalities, I can learn something even from someone I don’t like. I can take what I like and leave the rest. I can treat everyone with dignity and respect. What a contrast to my life before Al-Anon! I was disrespectful and gossipy, which left me afraid that someone would hear what I said about them. I ended up shut… Read more »
This is a very important topic for me as I have been in situations where my anonymity was threatened. At a meeting one day, another member said to me, “Don’t you work for…” (naming my place of employment). I was so angry that this person didn’t understand the principle of anonymity. I struggled to get beyond that one incident – I was unable to place principles over personalities. It’s a character defect I am still working on. On the other hand, while shopping one day, a person I knew from one of the meetings came up to me and whispered,… Read more »
Anonymity, to me, in this program and in my life has many layers. I love it as it gives me the structure for privacy as there are still days, sometimes months, where I struggle and I need to do so with others who understand without any explanation. The structure and boundary define speaking in ways that are open, yet without gossip or specificity. Even when or especially when discussing a situation outside of the program, the principle applies…in all our affairs. I see the work in progress with discussions with my sisters – no one in my family is in… Read more »
Tradition Twelve had me working hard, since becoming conscious of its reality. Before Al-Anon I was a gossiper, I lacked discretion and I also craved attention, all of this for the wrong reasons. I didn’t realise then the damages done to others, when acting in such a manner. I was not mean, I just didn’t know any better and I was also spiritually disconnected. When I understood that anonymity simply asked to be humble and to be respectful of others, while recognizing the importance of the principle of equality, things became simpler for me. Today, I can respect anonymity of… Read more »
I am grateful for Al-Anon’s foundation of anonymity in Tradition Twelve. Before coming to Al-Anon, I had opinions on almost everyone and everything. My need for personal connection and friendship would cause me to share too much about myself and those close to me. “Lacking social awareness,” is what one boss once told me. If he only knew. Al-Anon gives me a safe place to share with people I have come to love. I work to stay present and listen to what others are saying. No judgment. No racing ideas on what they “should” be doing. I hear my own… Read more »
I love principles above personalities, One Day at a Time, pg.18 says, “I belong to Al-Anon in order to learn how to live at peace with myself and others.” That can mean to strive to not even think about ourselves or others in a derogatory way. Of course, rigorous honesty is needed in the steps and learning to do that in a way that is compassionate and viewed with the eye of understanding where or under what conditions these old behaviors arose.
This Tradition talks about anonymity being the basis of our program, as a spiritual foundation. In order to be spiritual I have to take the pride out of my head and give humility to my heart and soul. Anonymity demands respect for ourselves and for others, discretion in what we share and honesty with ourselves and with others. Prior to coming to Al-Anon, I had no clue of what anonymity was. I was a gossiper, getting attention in connecting with others by lacking discretion and honesty with what I was sharing with others and about others. Although, at the time,… Read more »
Principles before Personalities. This brings to mind the difference between reacting and responding. If I find myself reacting, more often than not, I am reacting to someone’s Personality. When I take the time to instead respond, I am more likely behaving with respect to the Principles.
When I first seriously considered Tradition 12, I felt a great sense of release. Finally I had a logical response to that nagging voice in my head that continuously denigrated other people.
Tradition Twelve brings to mind the importance of anonymity, which for me has become very imperative over the years. Before coming to the program I had no clue about anonymity, so I said everything that came to mind regardless of how it affected others. Now, that I am aware of the importance of anonymity, I show more respect toward others and practice tact and diplomacy when sharing things. Anonymity requires humility and respect and there has been great lessons for me to be learned from it. I also love the concept of principles above personalities mentioned in Tradition Twelve. This… Read more »
I still remember the words my mother said when she saw my Kindergarten class picture. She said “of course you had to be the one with the messy hair”. That hurt and that’s when it all began. I was raised to believe that I was not good enough. Not until I came into the program in my fifties did I come to understand that she was wrong. I am good enough. The program has taught me that whatever someone else thinks about me is not as important as what I think about myself. The program allows me to come in… Read more »
To me, anonymity means taking off the mask and learning how to be myself. It means not having to maintain appearances. It means giving up trying to control how others perceive me. Al-Anon is a safe place to practice being my true self. Many years of focusing on others and trying not to be seen caused me to lose myself. After so long hiding from my feelings, I didn’t know what they were anymore! When I entered recovery, I was a stranger to myself. Al-Anon is a safe place for me to shed my public face and get to know… Read more »
What does Anonymity mean to me. I can be myself. I can have my own thoughts, desires, ideas, dreams and wishes. I can find things I am interested in and have passion for people places and things. I can discover new ideas and gather information. I can learn something new every day. These Principles of Al-Anon open the door to new awareness, acceptance and new actions taken or not taken. To Be Understood as to Understand or maybe not Understand Everything knowing that God is in Charge and is Large. These GOD Incidences always take place when I am present… Read more »
I love this Tradition that taught me to listen to message and not pay so much attention to the messenger. Prior to the program and even after, I listened to who, in my eyes, were or seemed importnt. I took great pride in following their lead. I gave too much importance to personalities and this influenced my thinking and my decision making. When those people expressed opinions of any kinds, in my mind, they detained the truth. This of course were filled with illusions!!! Acting this way cheated me of important messages, that could have been very helpful in my… Read more »