Tradition Eight
Al‑Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non‑professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Tradition 8. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
I was one of those people who thought, before coming to Al-Anon, that I could do it all. I did it all, but I paid a high price for it. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, grumpy, angry, and resentful, among other things. I was a perfectionist and a performer, and I also had trust issues. I had a miserable life, but I created it for myself.
Early in the program, I got into service and this is when I started to see the importance of sharing and asking for help. I soon realised that I was not the only one able to do things and that in many occasions others were doing a much better job than I did. I also learned a lot from others. My ego downsized quite a bit and this to my benefit. With that came honesty in recognizing my limits and humility in accepting what others had to bring to the table.
I can also apply Tradition Eight into my life. I am not manual or handy whatsoever, when manual and handy skills are required I have to ask for help and I do. In doing so I am doing myself a favor and giving others the opportunity to put their talents to work.
Today, I humbly and honestly admit my limits, keep an open mind, and enjoy what I can learn from others. I have a lot of gratitude for what I receive from others as well as what I offer to others. In all this process, God has been at work!!!!
I appreciate knowing that in an Al-Anon meeting we are learning from each other and not being “taught” by a professional. We are all equals. Sharing our experience, strength, and hope helps us see that others have gone through the same issues and that they have overcome them. It encourages us to push forward in a healthier way and gives us hope that we too can come out the other side.
I was confused at first about what service centers are, and what the special workers would be doing. When I found out that the special workers are paid secretaries and other staff doing work that is too much to expect volunteers to do completely, I had to laugh at myself. I had been thinking of highly specialized addictions experts filling all the positions, because I was still unconsciously looking to Al-Anon for the guaranteed solution to my loved ones’ problems. Now I appreciate that all the ESH shared in meetings is from real lived personal experience, not from a professional’s theory-based textbook education. And I appreciate that everyone here is free (and expected) to focus on their own needs and feelings, not on filling a professional role. I believe that a key factor in Al-Anon’s time proven effectiveness is that we share our own experience, and don’t give advice.
I love this Tradition that reminds me that as an Al-Anon member I have to share my experience, strength and hope and not my professional knowledge. I would have easily done it, if I had not been guided by this Tradition. I was rather proud of my training and my knowledge as an educator, therefore I would have gladly corrected the mistakes in the minutes shared at any levels of service. I could have gone as far as correcting the way you expressed yourself when sharing or when serving our fellowship. I was somewhat an “intellectual snob” valuing myself by my education and my oral and written knowledge in my first language.
Tradition Eight reminded me the importance of being humble and recognizing that I was not a member of Al-Anon because of being an educator, but because my life had been seriously affected by close contacts with many alcoholics. I was and I am still today a person in recovery. I had to be honestly and humbly remembered that I am not an “expert” in anything other than being a member in need of help with my recovery.
All that counts, when attending a meeting or in service, is that I am there to share my experience, strength and hope simply and with gratitude. I also have to know, that, if not surrounded by all those Al-Anon members in recovery, I will not be where I am today in my recovery.
I had been given some professional help prior to coming to Al-Anon, but it never amounted to much as I was narrow-minded and not ready to learn. I also didn’t go because I felt I needed it, but because it was imposed.
It is upon coming to Al-Anon that I understood that this program could do wonders for me, if I was willing to listen, learn, and keep an open mind on whatever was shared. With time, I became teachable and became receptive to what this program could bring to the table and could teach me. I heard parts of my story over and over again around the tables of meetings or at conventions. Those people were people who had walked the walk and talked the talk of living with alcoholism. This is what I was looking for. I had always been skeptical about people trying to tell me what to do, when they themselves had not walked down that path that had affected me so deeply in many areas of my life.
At one point in my life, after being in Al-Anon for a while, I needed specific help with the abusive use of alcohol of my 14 year-old son. I had to use services to protect him against himself and to protect myself as well. Those professionals helped in an administrative way and in some practical ways, but my soft place to fall was always Al-Anon.
On a personal note, I must say that Tradition Eight helped me to stay focused on my recovery and avoid to do “professional deformation” in trying to share my knowledge at meetings. I would have loved to correct the mistakes in the secretary’s report or correct the GR when the terms used were not, according to me, appropriate. This kept me humble and helped me to always remember that we are all equal in this great fellowship. For all the lessons learned I am grateful.
I like knowing that we are all equals when at an Al-Anon meeting. Even though there could be doctors or therapists or teachers at a meeting, no one has the upper hand so to speak. No one pulls you aside and tries to give you their “professional” opinion. I have always, in the past, suffered from feeling less than and never good enough. I would not want the professionals (in an Al-Anon meeting) to give me their expert advice. If we are all struggling and trying to recover from the same issues, then none of us are experts and we need to share our experience, strength, and hope as we learn together.
This Tradition puts the emphasis on recovery for our family and ourselves and our needs at various levels. The programs provides us with help and answers to some of our needs and problems through our three Legacies and many of its other tools: literature, sponsorship, slogans, etc. However, sometimes the help provided by the program is not enough for what we are facing and this is when we have to resort to professional help.
Personally, for many years, I thought that the only source of help could come from professionals. It is when coming to the program, that I learned that I could do all kinds of things and come to some problem resolutions in many situations in my life, without professional help. In using the principles of the program, using the many tools offered, sharing with my sponsors and relying on my Higher Power life is much simpler than it was before. Learning to trust myself and trust others in the program and, most of all, trusting my Higher Power has given results that I had not thought possible before.
However, since coming to Al-Anon, I had to seek help from a professional, when my son at the age of 15, started to drink very heavily. Our life together was very tense and out of control. Although, the principles of the program were a great help, the counselor could give me hints and techniques that the members couldn’t. However, my soft place to fall always remained my Al-Anon program, its members and my Higher Power.
I will never turn my back on professional help if needed, but I will remember that I have skills and talents that could be used, that the tools of the program are available to me and that I have the freedom to look at all the possibilities and then make an appropriate choice. This is the gift that Tradition Eight offers me and for that I am very grateful. My life is better today and I cherish it!
Tradition Eight had few things to teach me. I see this Tradition has having two sections that apply to the fellowship and also into my life. In my life, I came to realize that my professional training in education was used at places, where it should not have been. I remember when my son was young and I was acting as though he was in a class. I think he was about 8, when he told me: “Mom, I am not your student, I am your son.” He was right! I could help him with his school work, but I did not have to make him feel like he was in a classroom, when he was supposed to be in a loving home, with a loving mother. He was then in his family and this is how it should have expressed itself. I also had a tendency to correct mistakes in minutes presented by the secretary at the Assembly, each time we met as Officers. The requirement was not to write perfectly – it was to report what had taking place at the previous meeting. This Tradition tells me that Twelfth Step work should remain non-professional, so I should act upon this, so each member could feel free to serve with their assets, to the best of their abilities. As for my son, who is now an adult, he should have felt free to be a child. Over the years, I learned and now I know!
The other section talks about being able to ask for help, when needed. I am by nature an independent person, but I must admit that asking for help is not my forte! For example, I am not handy. Whenever there are repairs, renovations, or mechanical work to be done, I score “minus zero!” I have learned to ask for help, without difficulties. However, when it came to ask for emotional and spiritual help and support, the decision was long coming. At one point in my life, after coming to the program for some 24 hours, life was offering me challenges related to alcoholism that were way over my abilities to handle. I was a faithful member of this fellowship – going to meetings, reading my documentation, and having a Sponsor, etc. but this was too painful, too complicated. I finally went for professional help and this was a rewarding turning point in my recovery.
Today, I keep my professional knowledge and experience where it belongs. Also, when life presents me with challenges that would affect my recovery negatively, and that the program can’t help with, I go for professional help. Just like the program suggests – and for that I am very grateful!