Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 10. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
As the words of this Step suggest, one important part of continuing to take a personal inventory is to become aware of (and accept) instances where I was wrong. I can then take the action of promptly admitting it. I find promptness to be important, because the sooner I can admit that I was wrong, the less chance I have to develop (or exaggerate) feelings of guilt, and the less chance the other person has to develop (or exaggerate) a resentment. Until recently my Step 10 efforts were limited to this type of continuing personal inventory. Recently it was pointed… Read more »
I will be chairing my homegroup tonight and have been working on my topic this morning. It arose from the mystery of why it is so difficult to take care of myself, to believe I am worthy. I think Step Ten fits in nicely with what I have been thinking about. I intend to read my thoughts as follows: I stole the cookies from the cookie jar… and I got away with it too. No one was the wiser, and they were so delicious. An extra helping just for me… I have committed countless small crimes with no punishment from… Read more »
Step Ten helps me to redirect my tendency to be hard on myself into a different channel. The old me was forever finding fault with myself. With Step Ten – of course having done the other steps first – I have been able to reframe the negative tendency with a positive one. I can look at my behaviors honestly and without judgment, and decide what they are about and then make amends if I see that I have violated one of my values: to be kind and respectful of others at all times. The old me would become disturbed and… Read more »
Step 10 forces me to look at what I think I did wrong AND what I did right. When I continue to take my personal inventory, I take the time to address the feelings of discomfort that alert me I might have behaved poorly. But, I also take the time to address the things that I might have handled correctly. Step 10 is not about highlighting the negative, but about seeing both sides of the situation. Sometimes I discover that I did nothing wrong; I’m just not quite yet comfortable with the new and improved me. The me that doesn’t… Read more »
One thing that helped me with Step 10 was going back to my Step 4 inventory and noticing which of my character defects cause me the most trouble in my relationships with others. At the top of the list were resentment, fear, stuffing my feelings, and not being honest about my feelings. They’re the things I tend to slip into and make excuses for. So I came up with a question based on each of these to use in my daily inventory. “Did I take full responsibility for all my feelings today?” If not, I need to deal with my… Read more »
Today I have finished answering Step Ten question. Step Ten like other previous steps has had a perception for me and surely it will be changed and developed in Al-Anon as all steps’ concept have been changing for me during 3 years, since I joined Al-Anon. I think Step Ten is a supportive step for me, after working on nine steps I have to take 12 step tool-kit in my daily routines (for me 10 steps). I am responsible for my thoughts, emotions, needs based on all those thing I have learnt as an Al-Anon member. Step Ten helps me… Read more »
Nine months in Al-Anon has been such a treasure for me. Step Ten reminds me to acknowledge when I am wrong or say something that could be thought of as hurtful to someone else. It is so easy to say, “I’m sorry.” I am still learning about the Steps and reading the Forum cover to cover every month. The best treasure is our small little weekly Family Group. The sharings each week are such a treasure for me. Best of all for me, I have learned to be quiet and listen when someone shares and then NOT to give advice… Read more »
Step Ten tells me to be constant and persistent in order not to get back to bad habits from the past. I still have to be vigilant, even after quite a few 24 hours in the program. If I delay in doing my personal inventory, I can find enough reasons to blame, justify or to hide behind many excuses. Finally, going this route, allows me not to have to admit my wrongs anymore. At first, the word “promptly” in this Step got to me and even irritated me. “Promtply” was telling me that the time for blaming and finding excuses… Read more »
I love Step 10 and rely on it to keep me from back pedaling and justifying negative behavior or beating myself up when I did nothing wrong. Instead of hanging on to the “I know I’m right so why should I give in” mentality, or going to the silent treatment until someone apologizes to me, I go to Step 10 the minute I start to feel uncomfortable about a situation. It is so freeing to be able to acknowledge, accept, and admit if I was wrong, make my amends and move on. I no longer spend hours, days, or weeks… Read more »
Oh how I love Step 10, it reminds me of something I heard in a meeting. When I can look at this step with open heart and open eyes, I can begin to uncover, discover, & discard. Learning to look inward is a tough place to look, with the tools of the program and principles of Al-Anon, I now have recovery goggles to see my part so that I can continue to a personal inventory of my wrongs and swiftly do my part with others and take steps to make a change inward.
In working Step 10 I can often forget the word “personal”. I continue taking inventory all the time, but it isn’t always my own inventory. Often it’s everybody else’s. A few (many) 24-hours of coming to meetings, working with a sponsor and reading literature, have led me to take a daily inventory of myself, which I do in a daily journal after reading a page in a daily reader. It’s brief but it keeps me in the day and keeps my focus on myself and the larger context of the weather and the changing seasons. Now I “Let it begin… Read more »
October 11, 2020 Step 10) I’m scheduled to receive a package being delivered by FedEx today. I saw the FedEx truck, followed it until it stopped, then delayed the drivers deliveries to make inquiry about my package. I also, passively, thought I may be able to get the package right then and there. Step 5) a) FEAR: afraid I would not be home when package arrived and package may be stolen, b) GRANDIOSITY: want special treatment, get package from driver right now, c) MANIPULATION: passive aggressive, did not ask directly if driver would give me the package now but if… Read more »
I’m working Step Ten right now… Having just completed step 9, I feel like I addressed all of the most pressing things that stemmed from my time before program and from my active character defects. I’ve “cleaned my side of the street,” aka taken care of the things that were bringing me shame about how I’ve interacted with people in the past. Step Ten is giving me a new way to look in detail at how my defects manifest in my daily life. For example- I’m seeing more clearly how I am still fairly selfish. I’m not one who reaches… Read more »
Step Ten is a step for me that I need to keep due vigilance around as promptly admitting any wrongs is critical especially in the face of COVID 19 even if I’m in other programs besides Al-Anon. Making living amends is part of this step of maintenance and I feel that I don’t need to change for anyone even if I don’t have a sponsor as being an imposing presence to anybody whether in the program or not. It’s also a great step in many ways because many gifts in this step do come from the program even if Al-Anon… Read more »
In taking Step Ten, I have to look back at Step Four and see the things about myself that I want to change. I have worked them through Steps Five, Six and Seven, and when I reach Step Ten I am able to recognize when I am practicing an old habit or a character challenge I have asked to be removed. It will never be gone completely but I now recognize more quickly when it has creeped back into my behaviour and I am able to admit it to myself and make an amends to whoever I have harmed…including to… Read more »
Page 2 of this month’s Forum includes a share I like on Step Ten. It says, “…Step Ten only suggests promptness; it doesn’t define it.” I am so grateful for this. I often struggle with the idea of “promptness” and beat myself up for not making amends as quickly as I think I ought to. This sentence reminds me that I need to “become willing” (Step Eight) before I can make a healthy direct amends. It’s okay if I need time to reflect, pray, talk to my Sponsor, or use other Al-Anon tools first. In fact it’s better if I… Read more »
Step Ten requires of me to show consistency and perseverance, so I will not slide back into my old habits. I also have to be vigilant. If I delay in doing my inventory, I will soon find enough reasons to blame, justify or find many excuses, so I wouldn’t have to admit my wrongs. At first, the word “promptly” displeased me and irritated me. This word was telling me that I couldn’t drag my feet in doing my amends. The time for reasons, blames, justifications and excuses was over. Although, I didn’t like this concept of “promptly” admitting my wrongs,… Read more »
Step Ten has been an important step to my recovery. Although I know it is something that benefits me greatly, I can easily get out of the habit of doing it. I soon realize it when my resentments and character defects slowly creep back in. I must continue to take daily inventory to keep the serenity that I have worked so hard for.
I am work in progress..Step Ten is a daily reminder for me to look at myself and take my inventory, instead of taking inventory of my alcoholic or others which invariably I tend to do out of my old habit.. Thus Step Ten keeps me on my program..