Step Nine
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 9. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
Step Nine is a lovely way to start again. Instead of rushing to apologize to every person I’ve been short with, given a side glance, or thought a negative thought about, I instead ask for God’s guidance. It has always been my first reaction to blame others for my pain, quickly followed by an apology to alleviate my own anxiety. Now, I ask God what the real issue is. It is usually one of dealing with my own emotional exhaustion or mental health issues. I make amends to myself, owning my loss of serenity, and begin the process of regaining… Read more »
Step Nine sounded daunting to me at first. I thought that by making amends, I would have to ask for forgiveness from the people on my list. Once I realized that my objective was not to receive their forgiveness, but to accept and acknowledge the harm I had done to them, it became much easier. I understood that even if they chose not to forgive me, I could forgive myself. I understood that my job was to do what was necessary for my healing and not to change their opinion of me. If they did, that was great. If they… Read more »
When I first read Step Nine I decided that it was not for me. There was no way I would humiliate myself to that extent. Of course, I had not understood that there were eight other Steps prior to Step Nine and that they would pave the road for me. When I got to Step Nine, I understood it and was ready for it. I decided that I would do my amends without chasing people around and forcing issues, and that I would ask my Higher Power for guidance. I first made amends to my Higher Power, Who I had… Read more »
Step 9 is another experience of contemplating my motives and making sure I am approaching others in humility. Knowing that someone I’ve harmed may not be ready to forgive me, considering whether a face-to-face discussion may cause more harm than good, and being sure that my amends will be a positive experience for the person I’ve harmed takes my own feelings out of the equation! Sometimes an apology isn’t helpful. The result should be an improved relationship. What can I do right now to improve that relationship? Is there something the other person needs from me? Can I change my… Read more »
When I got to Step Nine, after having done Step Four to Step Eight, Step Nine didn’t seem so difficult. By that time, I had the list from Step Eight to guide me. Also, because I was doing Step Three every day, I knew that my will and my life were in the care of God. I also knew that, although it might not be an all easy “sailing”, it would be feasible with God’s guidance. I knew that there were two very important ingredients to put into place if I wanted to make my direct amends: honesty and humility.… Read more »
Step Nine – I’ve worked the Steps alone and with small groups. Working the the Steps with a Sponsor, a seasoned Al-Anon member, has proved for me to be the key for my growth and learning to be honest with myself. My most recent Sponsor’s approach to working the Steps was apparently simple yet profound and full of discovery for me – we did them in order, leveraging at that time the three CAL Daily Readers + Alateen Daily. We worked during recurring, regularly scheduled 1-1 meetings where I shared on what called out to me in the Step related… Read more »
Step Nine was not as difficult as I thought it would be. Doing the previous Steps, to the best of my ability, had prepared me. I asked my Higher Power to guide me in the process, preparing me to be humble and honest and bringing me before the people when the timing was best for both of us. I always trusted that, if I completely surrender to Him, I would go through the process the way it should be. I had prepared myself and knew that the reactions of others were not mine to deal with. My part was to… Read more »
Many loved ones stood by, prayed, watched with heavy hearts, & to this day grieve our losses. I find that by keeping in close touch with these loved ones is a way that I make a kind of quiet amends. It is important to let them know that their prayers were not in vain, & that we are thriving in the place our Higher Power has placed us.
Step 9 was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Even though the previous steps prepared me for making amends, I knew some people would not be receptive and that scared me. Thank God I had my sponsor to talk me through it. She helped me understand that I did not need to run out and make amends to everyone at the same time and that I could choose which people to start with based on my comfort level. So I started out with people in my life who had passed away. I wrote them letters and… Read more »
Step Nine was important to me in my recovery. After doing the previous Steps, I knew that time had come to get rid of the guilt and shame that remained like a «small bad spot on a piece of clothing». I had done what was needed for me and made many things right, but now I had to make things right with others. I know that if I had ridden on my own power I would have never come to do this Step. I asked my Higher Power to guide me in the process and He did. In Step 8,… Read more »
Step Nine is a Step I was not looking forward to, when I looked at it upon being in the program for a short time. My false pride was getting in the way and fear of being judged or condemned by those people I was to make amends to were two obstacles that were blinding me to it. However, as I went through the preceding Steps, they eased up the way to get me to this point where Step Nine has its reason to be. One thing I had to remember was to keep it simple. Being a person with… Read more »
When I first came to Al-Anon and was introduced to the Steps, I was uncomfortable and almost stopped coming. The Steps as a group were daunting and I couldn’t think of how I was going to accomplish such a task. Step Nine was particularly scary. After attending meetings for a long time, I finally realized that I needed help getting through it all. The best Sponsor for me took me under her wing, did some arm twisting, and probably saved me and my program. Slowly we got up to Step Eight. When I made my list I soon realized that… Read more »
Step Nine seemed almost impossible to do until I had gone through the eight preceding Steps. Then it made sense and being ready was easier. What I had to watch for was making sure that I didn’t take some names off the list I had made in Step Eight. I had spent a lifetime finding excuses, so trying to find some excuses as to why I shouldn’t do it could have been a fairly easy task. I had to ask for my Higher Power’s help in the process. I wanted to make sure that I made my direct amends when… Read more »