Step Eight
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Step 8. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
This portion of my journey through the Steps reminds me the three “As” of Al-Anon: Awareness, Acceptance and Action. “Made a list of all persons we have harmed” is an Awareness exercise. “Became willing to make amends to them all” requires Acceptance. The Awareness and Acceptance required for Step 8 will prepare me for Action, which will happen in Step 9 – after I discuss my eighth step with my Sponsor. Whenever I try to apply the three “As”, it is tempting to rush straight into Action. I have found that properly preparing the way, by taking the time to… Read more »
Step Eight didn’t impress me when I first read it and started to look to it. False pride, arrogance and self-righteousness were upfront so, as I saw it then, I had not harmed anybody. I was the victim there and I felt life had treated me pretty badly. With time, I realized that the Steps were written in a certain order for a very good reason. Doing the Steps leading to Step Eight had taken some pride out of my head and given some humility to my heart. I knew I couldn’t deny anymore and that I had indeed harmed… Read more »
Making my list would have been impossible without going through the first four Steps because prior to the program I thought everyone owed me amends. Once I understood my part in things it became apparent to me that I had to take action if I was going to make any progress in my recovery. After making my list, I understood that it was not going to be easy to make amends. But what was important was that I was willing to do so.
A helpful suggestion I heard in a meeting was to write three lists of amends I needed to make: a “yes I can” list, a “maybe” list and a “heck no, never!” list. Then start with the “yes” list and work from there as my Higher Power leads. Making amends always seemed impossible because the first people who always came to mind were the “heck no!” people. I learned that I can start at whatever level I feel ready and take all the time I need. I don’t have to start with the impossible! One thing that surprised me when… Read more »
Step 8, that I did many 24 hours ago, was a Step that brought me awareness to some of the people I had harmed. I had to show humility, open mindedness and honesty to make that list. I also had to avoid justification and excuses, that would have brought me to take many names off the list. As soon as a person’s name came to mind and that, for some reasons, I felt a little nudge that was not totally flattering, I put the name of my list. I knew that somewhere along the way I had harmed that person… Read more »
In working the steps for the second time and making a list of all those who I had harmed, I realized that I’d left someone very important off the list the first time I worked the steps. That person was me! For so long I treated myself with hate and disrespect. With the tools of the program I am learning self worth and self love and with these tools I can acknowledge that I hurt myself deeply and that I deserve to be at the top of my amends list.
I did step 8 with an adult daughter who was told lies about me and believed them. The facts don’t matter, a friend in NA said; so I was able to let the ‘whose reality is real’ idea go and just say I was willing to make amends for whatever I did. It went very wrong and now she and her brother don’t want anything to do with me, and think I am mentally ill. It wasn’t supposed to work like that, was it? Well, I’ve done my part. I’ll keep on working the steps for myself; and maybe check… Read more »
Step 8 “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” I reflect on how my past self-sabotage and neglect hurt me; and consider how I have harmed others in doing so. Though I no longer self-sabotage, the temptation is still there i.e. to demean myself through harsh self-criticism. At the top of my list of “who” I’ve harmed is “Me”. Others harmed me due to their addictive illness or ignorance. Over the years, I’ve come to forgive them. I’ve harmed addicts by giving them license to harm me when I… Read more »
Made a list of all persons I have harmed. My recovery begins with admitting to God first. Without this honesty, which I will receive from my willingness and connection with God, as I personally have a connection with, I can not be fully honest. Recently I was signed up to start new employment. I connected with God and found my fear of the unknown. I saw how this feeling almost kept me from moving forward with trust and perseverance and how my thoughts and vision could be sabotaged by myself very quickly with a bad attitude and a no good… Read more »
My life has changed as a result of taking the Eighth Step. I now feel comfortable around every one I know. I have been able to put aside differences and extend unconditional love. How could that hurt? I used to be afraid to let go of resentments and afraid of people. I perceived, wrongly, that if I did let go (put down my walls) I would continue to be hurt or even be hurt in worse ways. I have learned, through sometimes painful work, that in all cases the emotional pain I have felt was my choice. I could feel… Read more »
For Step Eight, I made a list of all those I harbored ill feelings towards as I was having a problem knowing if I had actually harmed anyone. I’ve spoken badly about more than a few people, and had been dishonest in my conversations and actions when I felt threatened. I tend to think that I have gotten away with these things as long as no one calls me out. My list of ill feelings convinced me that I was harming myself and I wasn’t fooling anyone else with my tricks. At the root of it all, I want to… Read more »
When I came to Step Eight it was not as difficult as I had expected. The previous Steps had prepared me to know myself better and had established an awareness of how I had acted, reacted, and interacted with others. I could also see how in various ways I had harmed them. I also came to realized that I had harmed myself in many ways too. I had neglected myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually over the years. I looked at each word in the Step and it defused the fears and reservations I had. Making a list seemed quite easy.… Read more »