Tonight, my teenage daughters cried because their father was drinking and had an angry outburst. I hugged them, and we talked honestly about their feelings. One of my daughters felt sad and scared. My other daughter, however, was extremely angry. They both felt guilty and asked if they had done something to cause him to drink.
I explained the disease of alcoholism. I shared that they could separate the disease from the person. They could still love their father, but hate the disease. The words continued to flow as I explained that they didn’t cause his alcoholism, they couldn’t control it, and they couldn’t cure it. Lastly, I also explained that they did not have to accept unacceptable behavior—like how their father had behaved this evening.
As I reflect on my conversation with my daughters, my heart is overflowing with gratitude for the Al‑Anon program. It is only because of the tools and slogans that I was able to respond in an honest and healthy way. When I live my program, I am able to break the generational patterns in my family.
By Jay F., Saskatchewan
The Forum, January 2019
Are we really breaking the pattern, when we stay and accept these behaviors over and over and over again? What are we teaching our daughters? Aren’t we teaching out daughters more when we leave. I wonder that for myself. I feel like I am letting my children down, by subjecting them to this chaos over and over again. I attended my first al-anon meeting last night, but it frustrates me, because it seems that I have to accept my husband for his behaviors and separate them from him, just because he doesn’t remember any of it.
Thank you for your interest in Al-Anon Family Groups. We encourage you to try an Al-Anon meeting, if you haven’t done so already. Al-Anon members find support and understanding, as they share their experiences in applying the Al-Anon principles to their lives. This peer-to-peer exchange helps them discover new choices and new ways of thinking about how to handle the effects of alcoholism in their lives. To locate an Al-Anon meeting near you, please click on the attached link,
Is this program really helpful? My husband is in treatment and I am really confused
My children and I felt like walking on the iceberg! I don’t know how much longer I can continue with his drinking behaviour, basically drank all day, night and in the middle of the night. Then he gets very abusive and mean towards me, it happened far too regular. His alcoholism has turned him into an extremely selfish person. He would try to pick a fight in the middle of the night and does not allow me to have a good night sleep. Mind you I still have to get up at 5am to go to work early so I… Read more »
Detaching with love is an amazing gift we learn to use in the alanon program. I am grateful every day for this program.
I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. I’ve asked him repeatedly to leave and he refuses and ignores me. I’m growing more detached by the hour. I despise him for what he has done to me and our children.
thank you for this,