I am so grateful for the gift of my recovery in Al‑Anon. From my very first meeting, I clung to the “three Cs.” I didn’t cause, can’t control, and can’t cure the disease of alcoholism. I experienced freedom from guilt, confusion, and fear. As I continued to change by using the Steps, slogans, sponsorship, and other tools, I grew spiritually. Then I began the long process of keeping the entire focus on myself. As a result, I am able to pass on my serenity, experience, and hope to others.
I have now adopted my personal three Cs: Today I am too blessed to complain, compare, or criticize myself or others. This allows me to continue to move forward into a beautiful new way and live my own life, a day at a time.
By Mildred H., Maryland
The Forum, April 2021
Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or in your newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
How do you leave someone when you are financially bound to this person, your money is tied up in your home, and you are elderly and retired? I am caring for a dying parent and live with a man who cannot go one day without drinking at least 3 strong drinks of hard liquor every night (which equals 5 drinks for a normal person). He becomes someone I don’t even know, nor want to know. Argumentative, morose, talks incessantly through every movie we have ever watched. Remembers nothing the next day. If I had a place to go, I would… Read more »
Having separated from my spouse after 36 years, three children, two grandchildren, the 3 C’s put it all in perspective!
Since joining Al-Anon, I am grateful for the 3 C’s. They were an absolutely clarifying experience for me. All the confusion, condemnation, and chaos fell away as I realized the truth of the 3 C’s. Now I attend meetings, read Al-Anon literature, trust in my Higher Power (Whom I call God), and tell Me, Myself, and I to FOCUS (focus on changing ‘ur’ self) remembering one day at a time is all “we” have to get through.
This morning I was crying and was looking for help to stop blaming myself for my son’s alcohol problem that has ended his marriage. He has 2 beautiful young children which have been withheld from him, I see his life crumbling right before my very eyes because he is back home. I am blaming myself over and over and over again. I have sought help from therapy and don’t really have too much of a support system. So coming across this gives me hope that I so desperately need. Thank-you. The 3 C’s will help me get through today. I… Read more »
I’ve just joined the group. The 3 Cs have helped give me a new outlook. I try to keep constant reminders of them as I often put blame/responsibility on myself. Feeling like it’s my obligation to fix it. I need to release myself of that burden as it only adds to the stress and anger stewing behind it all.
Thank you for this post. I am just starting my journey. I remind myself daily of the three C’s but how do I start believing them after so many years of my AH blaming me for everything? I hope this journey leads me to peace and serenity.
This was awesome to read. I really liked the personal 3Cs
Love this❤️
It’s been 7 months since we separated. We lived together 3+ years. He is mid fifties educated with a Masters degree. I realized that he was never going to stop drinking. Although educated he has worked jobs that high school or college kids take (food industry) As I got to know him better I found out he had never held a job for more than 2 years. He hadn’t had a real job for over 20 years once had been a football coach/teacher for high schools and college but lost those positions 25 years ago and although he said he… Read more »
This is very helpful to see what I know is true spelled out in words. I did not cause this I can’t control it and sure can’t cure it. I just got home from 4 days away to a spouse with pancreatitis caused by drinking. He is convinced he has the power to control himself next time. Sad to see now after he was sober for 18 years. Such a waste. I need to get on with my life now.
This is a little off topic but something I grapple with often, since joining Al-Anon. I’ve been to six meetings, love my home group and I’m already doing better dealing with alcoholism since joining. But I’m not a believer in the traditional God and not sure what my higher power is or should be. Anyone else with similar issues? I’m excited about Al-Anon but having trouble dealing with the higher power concept.
Knowing that I didn’t cause, can’t control and can’t cure the disease of alcoholism is a huge reminder and help for me. It’s especially important for me at this time. Thank you.
This was very helpful.
Yes, I am also leaving my alcoholic partner… as of tonight.
I had never heard the 3 C’s until I joined Al-Anon. They make complete sense!!! I have written it down on a post it and put it on my computer so I can see it all day at work. And just repeat it in my head. Praying is all I can do at this moment.
Leaving an alcoholic partner
I have learned a lot since I joined group yesterday, especially this post. Today I had a different attitude when dealing with my alcoholic spouse. Thank you!
I love the 3 Cs ! Gratitude for the many blessings I receive every day is another wonderful tool I’ve learned in the program. When I focus on my blessings it helps to keep negative thoughts away. I’ve been in this program for a long time but I’m still learning all the time.
Thank you! I,too, greatly benefited in learning that I didn’t Cause the addiction, Cure my son or Control him. Knowing that truly made a difference in my life.
So thankful that I have this program. I needed a reminder today that complaining does not help. My Higher Power was definitely looking after me. As I was feeling so ungrateful driving to the store to get my husband some meds I met up with a longtime Al-Anon member. I came home feeling so much better.