Detachment was the topic of my very first Al‑Anon meeting so many years ago. My son was 18 years old and I was frightened for his health, safety, and future. He was living on his own, renting a small room in a household of young people who partied all the time. I had distanced myself from him because it hurt too much to watch him slowly kill himself with alcohol.
I was angry and resentful that he was turning out like his father. I remember feeling stunned to learn at Al‑Anon that I had been detaching from my sick son in a very unloving manner. The kind members of my new home group very gently let me know that I could learn to practice detaching with love. This was a new concept that took many years for me to understand. At the time it hurt too much to even spend time with my son and see him drunk.
I have learned that instead of cutting my son off from my life and my heart, I can love him without loving the disease of alcoholism. I used to think he was weak and selfish. I lost respect for him. Today, I no longer judge him or criticize his drinking. I have turned him over to his own Higher Power, and I can just be his mom who loves him unconditionally.
He has had periods of sobriety, sometimes even years, but at the moment he is drinking again. I simply have to detach with love (and not even think about changing him). I know that no one would choose the disease of alcoholism, and that gives me compassion. I pray each day for peace, using the Serenity Prayer as my guide.
By Liah H., Hawaii
The Forum, August 2020
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