I can remember sneaking out to the garage one winter night to check the cupboards and car trunk for empties left by my spouse. At 3 a.m., shivering in my slippers and housecoat, I searched for “proof” of something that was impacting almost every facet of my life.
With an empty bottle in hand, I made a desperate phone call to my spouse’s therapist, pleading for help and demanding that she do something about his drinking. The next morning I was ashamed of my actions and my emotional chaos. I felt like my rationality was slipping away.
I heard about Al‑Anon in my professional life and thought I had nothing left to lose by trying it. In Al‑Anon, I quickly learned that the proof I had been searching for wasn’t found in empty bottles, but in the form of my insecurity, shame, desperation and hopelessness.
Al‑Anon helps me look within to find saner, healthier ways to cope with the effects of alcoholism.
Melissa N., Manitoba
Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism
I joined an Al-Anon for Family and Friends Group on 10/15/2021 after 48 years of trying to understand what is wrong with ME. I have just recently realized that “me” the “REAL me” doesn’t even exist. The person typing this right now is someone who has developed from the effects of alcoholism and drug addiction by family members (an ex-husband, 2 daughters [1 of whom I currently live with], a 28-yo grandson’s current girlfriend of 7 yrs, and a 30-yo male friend of their’s who smokes weed every day). As of Aug this year, all of us now live in… Read more »
I wish I had been told to go to Al-Anon earlier. I left our marriage 13 years ago. No alcohol back then but something triggered something in him. I remember the day I felt the change. We got back “together” 3 years ago. Between psychological issues and alcohol, the person I knew is gone. I carried the relationship issues all while becoming so incredibly ill, that I am disabled. I stayed as strong as I could but it took a toll and I even ended up suicidal and put into inpatient treatment. There has been an immense amount of pain.… Read more »
I’m so glad I found this safe place. He’s drinking again. He’s been to rehab twice as well as several detox programs. His last sober bout of 2.5 years was pleasant, different…he seemed committed to his sobriety and to AA. Then came the pandemic plus a lot of money he’d never had before. Suddenly, he’s waving a middle finger at everyone, most of all at me. Then there’s prescription anxiety drugs and a recent affair…right at the time I had a very sick family member. So looking for the bottles…yeah, I’m there, despite all my knowledge that tells me that… Read more »
I have been married for 50 yrs. Tony was always a drinker. At first it was weekends and never at home. He lost a couple of jobs for not turning up on Monday. Money was always a problem. Not a violent man physically but my whole life has been around him and his drinking. Since retirement he drinks at home all the time and has been in rehab twice. I’m on antidepressants because I find it hard to cope. After short break he has started up again I’m at my wits end. I would leave him but financially I’m not… Read more »
I can relate to this and just reading all these comments leaves me in shock. I am not the only one looking for “evidence”. Finding empty containers of alcohol only to prove to myself that it’s not just in my head. He will deny drinking even if it is obvious he is drunk. When I find the containers it’s always my fault for looking… if I hadn’t gone around looking I would have never known. Or the “oh, that’s been there forever!” Even though sometimes the container is still cold. Afraid of planning any kind of trip with him in… Read more »
Me and my husband have been together for 31 years. He was fun when we were young, but even then I would be scared to death following him home as he swerved on the road. I then made sure I was driving. We bought a house moved in together and had a beautiful boy. That’s when I decided enough was enough. Due to the fact that I wanted so badly to protect my boy as he became a nasty drunk, I just stayed separated from him when he was drunk and took care of my baby. He started to see… Read more »
I related to this post, thank you! This became almost my nightly routine… searching for the evidence. Feeling I needed to prove I wasn’t insane/stupid and that I indeed knew what was happening. I just wanted him to admit it. That’s all I ever tell myself, if he can just be honest about it it will be okay. And if I can show him that I know anyways he will just start to be honest with me. No, it was furthest from the truth, it only pushed him harder to hide it even more. To lie and deceive me even… Read more »
I am glad (and sad) to know I am not alone. My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years. I have never been a heavy drinker, but I like a glass of wine. I rarely have more than one, and never more than two. For years, I thought my husband and I both enjoyed a drink with dinner. I worked downtown and was never home before 5:30pm. He worked from home. Then the pandemic hit, and I started working from home. I realized that his drink with dinner, was actually about 12 hours of drinks, from noon… Read more »
I feel such comfort in knowing I am not alone. Every comment I read sounds so much like what I’m going through. The lying, hiding beer cans, bottles of vodka, totally flipping out at ME when I find them like I did something wrong!?! He called AA and told me they don’t think he had a problem…but he’s headed down a slippery slope. The lying has always been blamed on me, he doesn’t want to deal with my comments about him having a drink. I just want him to be better and for us not to fight.
Lovely and very helpful.
I am not alone after reading at all these stories.
Very hard to leave someone very close.
Holy crap do these comments ever hit home and I just want to cry for each and every one of you because I feel your pain, although I feel that after reading here that I’m only at the beginning of the terrible journey and have dealt with nowhere near as much as many of you. My wife and I have been together for 16 years and married for half of that. My wife and I started drinking 2 or 3 drinks every night to help dull the pain of our son dying, however I stopped after a year and she… Read more »
After reading all these stories from members and prospective members of Al-Anon support group, I came to understand their pain and heartache from dealing with a love one who is an alcoholic, just like what I’ve been doing myself. Thank you for sharing your stories!
Lovely and helpful share. Thank you.
I’m exhausted. My girlfriend of 17 years is drinking on a regular basis. She hides alcohol and finds a reason to be in the bathroom several times a night. I can smell the alcohol and hear the change in her voice and speech patterns. She’s been to in-patient treatment twice in the last 10 years. She won’t go to meetings and I’m just exhausted because if I confront the situation she will go on the offensive and attack me both verbally and physically. Sometimes I get so angry I don’t feel I can trust myself to control it, I’m a… Read more »
I’ve been to some meetings. I know I need to make my own changes to my reactions and I’ve made progress. However, what is recommended when the person is drinking and driving as signified by those empty little bottles.
I hate him tonight. Most nights. Pathetic. Stupid. Obnoxious. Belligerent. Stumbling. Asshole. I hate myself in the morning Too exhausted to confront or discuss. New day. Another day. Most days. Denial. Worry. Pathetic. Stupid.
Hi I’m new to this group. I’m not sure where else to go. My partner was in detox in August and has been attending AA meetings since. He’s relapsed once since after I found liquor hidden in the basement a couple of months ago. I’ve had a sick feeling all week and I decided to go look in the basement again. I found 2 hard cider cans and also a “water” bottle in his bathroom. It had a tiny bit of liquid in it and it was vodka. I don’t know what to do anymore. We’ve been married for 29… Read more »
I’m so frustrated. The pandemic has made this so much worse because we live in a small house and there’s no real privacy. My husband and I have been married since 2001, dated since 1997. He was sober then. We have a teenager now. After his mother passed away a few years ago, my husband started drinking every now and then. His work required (and still does to a lesser extent now) him to travel and be away from home for weeks at a time. Then his dad passed away and he started getting drunk every evening, downing several six-packs… Read more »
My husband and I have been married for 21 years. When we first met, drinking, dancing, and celebrating were a part of who we were. I learned quickly that his every other day “blackout” drunk episodes weren’t things I would be able to handle. I told him he had to stop OR he was leaving our home. I grew up around alcoholics and I wouldn’t put my kids through it! We went to counseling and he stopped drinking and soon took a job off-shore where there was no access to alcohol. That lasted ten years, but as soon as he… Read more »
Until last month as best as I know my partner had been sober since beginning of 2014 following onset of extreme liver failure (in their 20s) they recovered by a miracle. I’m so proud of them and I know they were too. We even had baby last year after years of trying with medical help. I suspected something was up but I don’t know I guess didn’t want believe it so I built other answers in my head. They came to me few weeks back and told me that they had relapsed and were struggling and had since quit. My… Read more »