I can remember sneaking out to the garage one winter night to check the cupboards and car trunk for empties left by my spouse. At 3 a.m., shivering in my slippers and housecoat, I searched for “proof” of something that was impacting almost every facet of my life.
With an empty bottle in hand, I made a desperate phone call to my spouse’s therapist, pleading for help and demanding that she do something about his drinking. The next morning I was ashamed of my actions and my emotional chaos. I felt like my rationality was slipping away.
I heard about Al‑Anon in my professional life and thought I had nothing left to lose by trying it. In Al‑Anon, I quickly learned that the proof I had been searching for wasn’t found in empty bottles, but in the form of my insecurity, shame, desperation and hopelessness.
Al‑Anon helps me look within to find saner, healthier ways to cope with the effects of alcoholism.
Melissa N., Manitoba
Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism
I related to this post, thank you! This became almost my nightly routine… searching for the evidence. Feeling I needed to prove I wasn’t insane/stupid and that I indeed knew what was happening. I just wanted him to admit it. That’s all I ever tell myself, if he can just be honest about it it will be okay. And if I can show him that I know anyways he will just start to be honest with me. No, it was furthest from the truth, it only pushed him harder to hide it even more. To lie and deceive me even… Read more »
I am glad (and sad) to know I am not alone. My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years. I have never been a heavy drinker, but I like a glass of wine. I rarely have more than one, and never more than two. For years, I thought my husband and I both enjoyed a drink with dinner. I worked downtown and was never home before 5:30pm. He worked from home. Then the pandemic hit, and I started working from home. I realized that his drink with dinner, was actually about 12 hours of drinks, from noon… Read more »
I feel such comfort in knowing I am not alone. Every comment I read sounds so much like what I’m going through. The lying, hiding beer cans, bottles of vodka, totally flipping out at ME when I find them like I did something wrong!?! He called AA and told me they don’t think he had a problem…but he’s headed down a slippery slope. The lying has always been blamed on me, he doesn’t want to deal with my comments about him having a drink. I just want him to be better and for us not to fight.
Lovely and very helpful.
I am not alone after reading at all these stories.
Very hard to leave someone very close.
Holy crap do these comments ever hit home and I just want to cry for each and every one of you because I feel your pain, although I feel that after reading here that I’m only at the beginning of the terrible journey and have dealt with nowhere near as much as many of you. My wife and I have been together for 16 years and married for half of that. My wife and I started drinking 2 or 3 drinks every night to help dull the pain of our son dying, however I stopped after a year and she… Read more »
After reading all these stories from members and prospective members of Al-Anon support group, I came to understand their pain and heartache from dealing with a love one who is an alcoholic, just like what I’ve been doing myself. Thank you for sharing your stories!
Lovely and helpful share. Thank you.
I’m exhausted. My girlfriend of 17 years is drinking on a regular basis. She hides alcohol and finds a reason to be in the bathroom several times a night. I can smell the alcohol and hear the change in her voice and speech patterns. She’s been to in-patient treatment twice in the last 10 years. She won’t go to meetings and I’m just exhausted because if I confront the situation she will go on the offensive and attack me both verbally and physically. Sometimes I get so angry I don’t feel I can trust myself to control it, I’m a… Read more »
I’ve been to some meetings. I know I need to make my own changes to my reactions and I’ve made progress. However, what is recommended when the person is drinking and driving as signified by those empty little bottles.
I hate him tonight. Most nights. Pathetic. Stupid. Obnoxious. Belligerent. Stumbling. Asshole. I hate myself in the morning Too exhausted to confront or discuss. New day. Another day. Most days. Denial. Worry. Pathetic. Stupid.
Hi I’m new to this group. I’m not sure where else to go. My partner was in detox in August and has been attending AA meetings since. He’s relapsed once since after I found liquor hidden in the basement a couple of months ago. I’ve had a sick feeling all week and I decided to go look in the basement again. I found 2 hard cider cans and also a “water” bottle in his bathroom. It had a tiny bit of liquid in it and it was vodka. I don’t know what to do anymore. We’ve been married for 29… Read more »
I’m so frustrated. The pandemic has made this so much worse because we live in a small house and there’s no real privacy. My husband and I have been married since 2001, dated since 1997. He was sober then. We have a teenager now. After his mother passed away a few years ago, my husband started drinking every now and then. His work required (and still does to a lesser extent now) him to travel and be away from home for weeks at a time. Then his dad passed away and he started getting drunk every evening, downing several six-packs… Read more »
My husband and I have been married for 21 years. When we first met, drinking, dancing, and celebrating were a part of who we were. I learned quickly that his every other day “blackout” drunk episodes weren’t things I would be able to handle. I told him he had to stop OR he was leaving our home. I grew up around alcoholics and I wouldn’t put my kids through it! We went to counseling and he stopped drinking and soon took a job off-shore where there was no access to alcohol. That lasted ten years, but as soon as he… Read more »
Until last month as best as I know my partner had been sober since beginning of 2014 following onset of extreme liver failure (in their 20s) they recovered by a miracle. I’m so proud of them and I know they were too. We even had baby last year after years of trying with medical help. I suspected something was up but I don’t know I guess didn’t want believe it so I built other answers in my head. They came to me few weeks back and told me that they had relapsed and were struggling and had since quit. My… Read more »
I can relate, it hits home. I don’t even know why I look for empty bottles anymore. I know he is drunk and he will deny it and it will just be another blow up fight that results in nothing. I’ve been watching my husband drink himself stupid for the last 8 years. He is at the point now he has began to take straight shots in the morning right when he wakes up to be able to function. He is killing himself, and dragging our kids and me at this slow agonizing rate with him. I love him though… Read more »
My husband’s drinking has been out of control for years and it breaks my heart. Last year he went to an addiction center and promised to never drink again. His father passed unexpectedly last summer and I was convinced he started drinking again. I can never forget the smell of vodka so I went sneaking one night and found nip bottles. My heart is broken and I feel so lost and betrayed. I’ve asked him if he is still drinking and he denies it to this day. I don’t know where to go but I just want my husband back.… Read more »
Reading all of these comments, really hit home with me. My husband and I have been together for 12 yrs, married only 1 year. His drinking has been awful for the last 5 years. I almost called off the wedding, but I didn’t. I kept thinking, through better or worse. He will stop. It will get better. He’s my best friend. Really, my only friend at this point because I have isolated myself within my family. He hides his drinking from me, swears on his life he hasn’t had anything. I know better though… I find myself hunting for bottles… Read more »
Thanks to all who have left a comment regarding the emotional upheaval you find yourself in. It quieted my spirit just to know I wasn’t alone. That I wasn’t the only exasperated, severely annoyed, and emotional wreck out there. I have been in and out of Al-Anon for years because of my husband’s drinking. We have been married 37 years, and together 41. I have done two professional interventions on him, with all four of our kids there, kicked him out 3 times, gotten a restraining order on him once, and filed for divorce twice. We have been in and… Read more »
I had no idea how big the problem was until I started searching for proof. He was so good at lying, I had no clue the depth of his problem. I am so angry that he can’t stop for me or the kids. The house, juggling bills, 2 teenagers, a business to run, and he wonders why I am not affectionate to him at night. That would make ‘us’ all better? I am the reason the marriage is falling apart, that I am the one who scares the kids with my anger towards him. Finally got him to move out.… Read more »
I just found my first meeting that I will attend next week. My husband’s drinking is destroying our marriage. I packed my bags about 15 months ago and that made him stop for about 2 months. We are in therapy but he is getting angrier and beginning to test the limits of drinking. 2-3 drinks at dinner, now bringing a 6 pack home with him, stayed out till 2 in the morning a few weeks and ago and does not remember the entire night. He picks fights and says it’s me who is trying got control him and I should… Read more »