I finally came into Al‑Anon after my second divorce was finalized. I had lost myself in trying to be who I thought my husband wanted me to be, and I was not sure what was wrong with me. Someone suggested that I try Al‑Anon because it might help me learn how to find myself, take care of myself, and stop the cycle of unhealthy behavior. I shared during a meeting that I felt a lot of shame about being divorced twice. After the meeting, people embraced me and let me know I was not the only one who had experienced divorce—even multiple divorces.
Before Al‑Anon, I didn’t know how to avoid obsessive thinking and how to be myself in relationships. Many of my friends in Al‑Anon said that they had experienced the same struggles. More importantly, though, they had overcome those struggles and were living happy and free. I have grown to understand some of my behavior and have begun to change. All of us have one thing in common—we have been affected by another person’s drinking. In my case, it was passed down the line from grandparents to aunts, uncles, and cousins. I am right where I am supposed to be now—at home with a loving family and growing through the fellowship of Al‑Anon.
By Melissa H., Tennessee
The Forum, June 2019
I never knew what an alcoholic was, I didn’t grow up around it. So when I met my husband, I didn’t see or understand the red flags. Fast forward 16 years and the kids and I are finally done with the exhausting cycles and walking on egg shells. Me finally getting the backbone to end it was his bottom I guess and he finally agreed to go to AA. Him being sober for 2.5 years was literally like being newlyweds again and I finally felt like we had the marriage I’d always wanted and knew we could have. But now,… Read more »
I am 68, low self-esteem, self-worth. My mother had all the characteristic of an alcoholic (Dry DRUNK). My Grandfather was an alcoholic. It had been passed down through generations. It was not till I was 50 that I began to understand the family disease of alcoholism. I spent years trying to beat my Mom at her game of hurting me, I’ll hurt you before you hurt me. There is never a winner. Finding the program late in life did provide some serenity to my life. At time, poor self-esteem is there when I get up & when I go to… Read more »
I am lost. I live with an alcoholic. He was sober for three years but the last 8 months has relapsed a few times. I did not drink for the first several months during his recovery. Then he told me it did not bother him if I had a glass of wine at night or a beer on boat. Now this last weekend, I went to a wedding dance/reception of a friend and did have a little too much to drink. Now he is telling me I am unsupportive even though I stuck by him through rehab, relapse after relapse… Read more »
I feel so lost! My husband of 15 years informed me last night that he doesn’t give a “F” about me and hasn’t for some time. He tried to pick a fight and I kept telling him I was not going to fight with him. He has been walking out on this marriage since 6 months of marriage. I thought it would pass, he’s just trying to hurt me. Last year he kicked me out, in another fight. He has always come back with any apology saying he just got mad, today no apology at all. I went to be… Read more »
I am a woman who seems to attract those who love to drink. My partner is usually up beat and loves to drink. I have experienced some unusual things due to his drinking and resentment. I’m not what he wants. I don’t like drinking but when I’m with him I have Franken more than intended. I have moved out of the home we shared. I have told the darkest truths and he sometimes calls me the devil. I don’t think he likes me it depends on the day and it effects me extremely. I seem to become triggered by his… Read more »
I attended my first meeting tonight and I am interested enough to go back again next week… I am married to a very mentally and verbally abusive husband who had put me into such a depression I tried to commit suicide a few years ago… we separated for 3 years (current spouse) and just got back together and it’s been pure hell…
There are moments in my life that are so happy and hopeful. I have a baby on the way, work is going well, and I’m happy and seemingly so is my husband. Then comes his irritability which triggers mine, he starts pointing fingers… Next thing i know is he’s drunk and telling me that i shouldn’t care. I’m angry that he blows money we don’t have… I’m suddenly fearful about being a single mother. I feel hopeless. I know the tide will turn and he’ll become sober for two blissful months but I’m always bracing myself for the cycle to… Read more »
I have a addict wife and me and the kiddos have been struggling. I finally kicked her out and a few days later she was in the hospital for an attempted suicide. She is rehab now and doing well but I am fearful that when she is ready to come home will old patterns come back. We have been doing pretty well without her home but I want to continue on a healthy path.
I love my husband, I wish for a miracle that is never going happen. I am by myself, even when I’m next to him. Years of drinking have led to his hatred of me. I am everything wrong. As he told me, he wasted his life with me. I miss him so much, I wish I could see the person I love again, not this person who is angry and hateful…
I feel quite out of sorts at the moment. I plan to attend an Al-Anon mtng Monday week. I’ve said this before and not quite pulled it off. The alcoholic in my life is dead but the struggle I have within me, which I’ve always laid to some degree at their feet, is still ongoing and I’m a bit tired of it. Thanks for posting this.
My children and I are struggling. We are scared to be done with our on and off again toxic alcoholic but him choosing to stay sick while We all fight to be healthy and safe is our goal today. There’s an 8 yr old, 16 and 17 year old affected by this person. The worst part… is that they have to deal with this. My feelings must be put aside. Only strength and common sense can be in the forefront right now. So exhausting!! Will be looking for a meeting today
Thank you for sharing. I desperately need to get to these meetings.