Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members what it means to them when they hear the suggestion to keep the focus on themselves, and not on the problem drinker in their life.
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(1) Keep the focus on myself
(A) First Things First
Keep the focus on yourself while the drunk runs amuk whether still drinking or not? I have a partner that hasn’t been drinking for almost 40 years but his behaviors are brutal and abusive. Time to make some decisions.
How do you keep focus on yourself if someone is “drinking at you” to the point they will hurt themselves? That’s the part I struggle most with all this…like how could I live with myself if that happens when I had warning…?
I truly believe that Al-Anon is not only for those dealing with alcoholism but it is a way of life, focus on yourself, detach, one day at a time, let go and let God, easy does it. These slogans can help you sail through almost any difficult situation in life. I’m soooo glad this program exists truly! It has helped me deal with friends, relationships, exams, you name it, it’s a manual for life.
This is a reminder that I cannot control other people. If I focus on other people, I cannot do what I need to do in life. I need to take care of myself and that is a big enough job.
honestly this is ridiculous, my husband is a diabetic, has high blood pressure and he is an alcoholic. So he takes his life in his hands every day he drinks and I am supposed to ignore that?? How can I ever live with myself????? I find this sooooo unhelpful!
I am so grateful to the words “keep focus on myself”. These are words to live by. When I focus on anyone else and their deficiencies then I am not looking at my stuff. It is a waste of time to focus on what others should be doing. Each person has their own inner intelligence and guidance system. It is none of my business what others are doing. I have seen the light! thank you God
Even if I mind my own business, the alcoholics in my life spread untruthful rumors about me. I moved away and it is still happening. If someone is kind to me, the alcoholics are unkind to them until they join in and get an attitude with me. How do I stop this behavior?
Thank you. I needed this today.
What a “lightbulb” moment!!! I don’t remember ever hearing this before. It just “hit me”. Today I am focusing on me!!!
My partner has 11 mths sober..father to my child and Now Im completely sober also.I spent a longtime trying to fix the extremes of his addiction,and now he’s in recovery…well.Its not a picnic of a relationship,but the important thing for me to do..is go back to focusing on myself and my own recovery.Lets face it.I didn’t control him in addiction and I don’t in recovery.Im tired of the worry about the relationship when worrying about myself and my future is the only power I have.The absolutely BEST thing I can do..is NOT try fix this relationship, and leave it as… Read more »
When I focus on the alcoholic I am abandoning myself. I’ve been abandoned enough by other people, I don’t need to abandon myself. That’s what keeps me focused on myself.
I so needed this today!
I needed to hear this so Much!
This is my first time on this site. Hope to get the strenght I need to walk away from the alcoholic my life.
This makes so much sense! When I focus on my partner’s drinking I end up feeling sick, tired and angry. I worry about what effect the drinking has on my children but then I end up being short and cranky with my kids cause I’m miserable.
I need to shift the focus on me so I can be physically and emotionally well, making sure I am being the best person for those around me.
Is there any way I could talk to Maria? Her post on August 18, 2015 9:05am is exactly what I am going through. I need help. I love my boyfriend and he treats me like a queen. Until reading her post I didn’t realize what his drinking has done.
I’m so glad I took the time to listen and “hear” this important message. I’m amazed how I’m not alone with the madness. It’s so hard to look back on how great life was before my life with an alcoholic. He’s an amazing man who deserves so much more from himself. When I express my feelings, I end up frustrated and resentful and now I think it’s because I need to focus on me and my behavior versus trying to explain why I’m depressed and short-tempered. I need to focus on what I can do, not what I can’t control.… Read more »
This was good for me to listen to. Thank you so much.
I felt so uncomfortable earlier tonight. It reminded me of my past dysfunctional family who could be unfeeling and cruel too, when I needed comfort. I think it is a control issue and the clique that needs to dominate.
I’m putting the focus back on myself now, thanks to you. I’m powerless over people, places and things. I feel supported again listening to your podcast.