Before Alateen, I could never forgive the people who hurt me. I could hold grudges like I could hold a feather—easily. Resentment is a bad habit I couldn’t seem to break. If you hurt me, I was going to hurt you back—ten times worse. No one knew that on the inside I was hurting. I played it off like everything was okay. If you even said the slightest thing wrong or even looked at me wrong, I was coming after you.
But when I started working my program in Alateen, I learned that it’s okay to forgive someone if they hurt me. I have learned to forgive my dad for his drinking. I always used to beat myself up about the stupid stuff I did to myself, but I have forgiven myself for the pain I caused to myself and the harm to my body. I feel so much better knowing that it’s okay to forgive. I’ve learned that if people hurt me, they hurt me. They only affect my mood if I let them. Before, their opinions would convince me that’s how I was. But today, I know that it’s their opinion, and it doesn’t make it true.
By Paige M.
The Forum, June 2018
I get this, my mum is old now but alcohol resorted in her calling me a bitch kicking me and saying she never wanted to see me again. I had a boundary which she broke by drinking whilst looking after my child. Even at nearly 50 this has made me feel unloveable and worthless.
Reading this put me in tears. This is exactly how I was and still am. I hold grudges, I beat myself up about it, and I couldn’t forgive and I want to forgive my mom for drinking but she has hurt me so much I don’t know how to forgive her. I have forgiven her many times before but it kept blowing up in my face and I just cant trust her anymore. I want to, but I cant!
Very correct, I know adults who haven’t learned to incorporate this lesson into their lives. Mind you, they’re not in recovery either, they won’t accept my invitation to a meeting. I empathize with them, but don’t get caught up in their pain or manipulations.