I came to Al‑Anon at the suggestion of a family member who was in recovery. I had become so overwhelmed from the consequences of [my loved one’s] alcoholism that I felt I was going insane. I felt so frightened and unresourceful. Since I didn’t know what else to do, I accepted the suggestion. At that first meeting, I sat in the back, listened, and cried. I was welcomed and invited to come back. When I heard the words, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanageable,” I knew that this was exactly how I felt—powerless.
So, I came back again and again. I came to realize I was powerless over a lot of people, places, and things. Knowing that helped me calm down in chaotic situations. I could then concentrate on what I could control—myself. I started making decisions—small ones—that were in my control and good for me. For one thing, I went for walks instead of staying in conflicts. Today, I am still powerless over people, places, and things, but I am much more okay with it. I take better care of myself, and I don’t try to control others. I am more mindful of their right to choose their own life. I am so much calmer inside as I go about my business and let others go about theirs. Today I am much easier to live with and work with. My relationships are improving every day, thanks to Al‑Anon.
By Murielle D., New Brunswick
The Forum, April 2020
I struggle today with letting go. Others choices don’t have to effect me but they still do. Today I rely on my Al-Anon resources to help me get through this day. I can control me and my actions and my choices with the help of my higher power and staying focused on me. It all begins with me!
Hello, I have struggled with my family members drinking and drug abuse issues. It affected me more and more as I got older and their condition worsened over time! My mother was drunk and actually caused my divorce from my wife of 24 years. While married, my ex-wife and children wouldn’t have anything to do with them. I was mentally abused by my mother, sister and brother for years! At one time I even blocked contact with them for about 8 years. I was dumb and gave them all another chance. Three years later they started in ON me again.… Read more »
It’s a slog living with an alcoholic. My sister is a treatment resistant Bipolar 1 alcoholic. Usually (6 years), I can live my l life, get on with what makes me feel good. This time round has not been the case. Unfortunately, my health has me housebound and this latest relapse of hers has been the worst, the icing on the cake – alcoholically, psychologically, socially. She’s back on the wagon again. Again, one would think this didn’t happen the way she behaves, appearing chirpy on her post relapse health-kick. I know denial is a core element to this but… Read more »
Just reading this and I could have written it too:
“I needed to hear this. I feel like I have had to control my son’s outcome to either keep him in a relationship, out of jail or in employment. I just don’t think I can do it any longer”
I am just working out how to no longer support my son. Working out how to be strong and clear in my intentions.
I needed to hear this. I feel like I have had to control my son’s outcome to either keep him in a relationship, out of jail or in employment. I just don’t think I can do it any longer.
How can I deal with my husband’s nonchalant attitude towards our son’s drinking? My husband quit drinking 30 yrs. ago when I set up boundaries through Al-Anon Mtgs. He never went for any treatment, just quit cold turkey. So I’m left feeling resentful because of no boundaries our son has. If I talk to my husband about the bottle of wine our son drank, my husband tells me he’s an adult & I’d rather he drink @ home than when he’s driving. Last year our son got a DUI, and has a breathalyzer in his car. I know both feel… Read more »
How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics
Al‑Anon’s basic, most comprehensive book discusses all aspects of the Al-Anon program of recovery.
Is there an equivalent to AA’s ‘Big Book” that Al-Anons use?
My son is 46 with two failed marriages because of his drinking. He’s not working but every day begs me for alcohol. I cave and buy it. The begging is unbearable. He has resorted to drinking hand sanitizer when I don’t get him a drink.
This article made for a great meeting ! Thanks 🙂
At this time many Al‑Anon and Alateen groups have chosen to or been asked to suspend meeting as part of public health initiatives aimed at curbing the spread of COVID‑19 in our communities. We invite you to explore electronic meetings that are available 24/7.
I’m new to Al-Anon. The virus has thrown me. I’m finding I want to “rescue” my son again. But I’m stopping and thinking instead. It’s a shame we don’t have meetings right now. I could use a sponsor. For now I will continue to read the materials and take it one day at a time.
This is great, especially now with what is going on with the stay at home. Remembering I am powerless and can only control myself.