How has your Al‑Anon recovery benefited your relationships?
Please share your experiences by commenting on the topic below. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
This month we’re asking you to share on the question, “How has your Al‑Anon recovery benefited your relationships?”
My Al-Anon recovery has benefited many of my relationships other than the obvious one, being my alcoholic. I have learned many tools and better communication techniques that I try to utilize everyday. I have become more calm, which helps with my patience when talking to others and dealing with stressful situations. I have also made some friends in Al-Anon. I have reached out to some relatives I’ve been distant with and have realized what my boundaries are and to apply them to everyone, not just my alcoholic. My lifestyle has become more stable, and interactions with family had improved as… Read more »
Al-Anon has benefitted my relationships in many ways. Some I don’t often see because I don’t always reflect back like this. I’m grateful to be given the opportunity. One way is with my relationship with my parents. I don’t get as upset at my Mom as I used to, for making choices different than I would have made. Instead of putting my focus on her choices and behavior, I focus on how to be a loving daughter. Now I’m getting to know her much better, share my program with her, and I feel a much stronger connection with her. In… Read more »
Tradition 5 has helped me understand that I can improve my relationship with the problem drinkers and other family members. By being a recovering member of Al-Anon I try to practice our primary purpose – to offer comfort to families of alcoholics by showing up for our meetings, by offering my experience, strength, and hope that I have received in recovery. Also, to listen to each other without giving advice. My relationships have improved due to the listening and making an effort to understand what the other person is communicating. In the past I tried to form my opinions while… Read more »
Before Al-Anon, I was extremely needy. I was close to only a few people and needed them to constantly prove their love for me. I couldn’t relax when we had a difference of opinion because I feared rejection and “proof” that I was fundamentally “wrong”. Al-Anon recovery makes me a better person. Today I’m more confident, more self-supporting through my own voluntary contributions. This means I’m no longer burdening others with the expectation that they make me happy. I’m more accepting, more open-minded. Most of all I know I’m ok just the way I am, and the most important relationship… Read more »
I am still learning how to apply the principles of recovery to relationships–namely with my family of origin. Forgiveness is key to growth in my recovery journey. It takes getting real with myself about the roles I’ve assumed and owning the ways I’ve contributed to false family codes. Humbling myself to admit what part I’ve chosen to play in a false narrative opens me up to forgive from the heart. I am coming to believe that I can detach and let go with a genuine sense of love.
Al-Anon has improved my relationships – that is so true. My character defects such as not admitting to making any mistakes, jumping to defend myself, and lying to please you or to avoid consequences didn’t lend themselves to good communication with anyone. My family got the brunt of it but I acted the same way wherever I was. I didn’t listen to the person or people I was supposedly talking with but was forming my response or my ploy in my mind. I have good emphatic skills but I surely wasn’t using them. I was awed enough when I first… Read more »
Prior to coming to Al-Anon all my relationships were dysfunctional, unhealthy and stressful. I didn’t know how to establish a relationship with others, with God or with myself. I had not been taught how to establish relationships in my family. I was raised with a domineering and angry father and a submissive and «avoid the trouble at any cost» mother, which were negative examples as to what relationships should be. I had no road map to establish relationships and was at lost in that area of my life, for a good part of my life. The many tools of the… Read more »
My relationships have changed so much for the better! My relationship with myself—I’m able to be more forgiving of my own faults and I don’t beat myself up like I used to. My relationship with my Higher Power—I can begin to trust and obey where I used to try to manipulate and negotiate. My relationship with my actively alcoholic son—I can enjoy the good moments without making everything be about his disease, and I can give him space to learn from his mistakes. My parents—I can accept that they did the best they could and lay the past to rest.… Read more »
I have learned that real communication is such a complicated thing. First I had to learn what I really wanted to communicate, then I had to be okay with communicating what I needed to say without having the other person have to agree with me. How could I be honest about how I felt and what I needed when I hadn’t admitted those feelings to myself? I had to come to many meetings and hear your experience, strength and hope in order to learn what I really needed. I didn’t really need for the alcoholic to not leave his shoes… Read more »
I went in a different direction with the question. The first thought that came to me was how Al-Anon has dramatically improved my relationship with myself. And by becoming healthier myself I am better able to relate to others. The other relationships in my life may come and go. But I will always be in a relationship with myself. The ongoing growth this program makes possible is something for which I am ever grateful!
Al-Anon has benefited my relationships in so may ways. First of all, I have a relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. I am open to allowing him in my life to work miracles and lead me in his path not mine. Being open-minded is one lesson that I’ve learned in Al-Anon which has a positive impact on my relationships. I can practice “Live and Let Live” with others. I am able to “Let Go and Let God” when I feel the need to control others because I think I know best for them. I have… Read more »
I no longer need to be “in charge” of everthing and that makes for a peaceful household. I respect the right of family members to make their own decisions as to making doctor appointments, taking care of themselves, and taking responsibility for their own actions. It’s amazing how things in a relationship can change when you treat the other person with the respect they deserve.
Fifteen years ago when my husband and I retired, we took a walk on the pier. All I could talk about was of a variety of worries. Slowly one day at a time practicing being in the moment, today I stood on the pier focusing on the moment. Quietly watching for dolphins, whale spouts, sea birds and feeling the fresh sea breeze, I stood relaxing into the beauty with my husband’s hand on my back. The quietness of living one moment at a time trusting that HP is with me has abundantly enriched my relationships.