How has Al-Anon helped you, as a child of an alcoholic, “grow up”? How has Al‑Anon helped you, as a child of an alcoholic, “grow up”? February’s topic is, “How has Al‑Anon helped you, as a child of an alcoholic, ‘grow up’?” As always, you can also write about Al‑Anon’s three Legacies. This month features Step Two, Tradition Two, and Concept Two. Sharings on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications. New topics are being added each month! Member BlogMember Blog Topic Steps Traditions Concepts Al-Anon2023-02-07T15:57:02-05:00Categories: Topic|16 Comments Share This Post, Choose Your Platform! FacebookTwitterRedditLinkedInWhatsAppTumblrPinterestVkXingEmail Subscribe Notify of new follow-up comments new replies to my comments Label What happens next? All comments enter moderation, which may take up to ten business days. Al‑Anon does not offer counseling or advice. We invite you to visit our Meetings page to find an in‑person meeting in your area or try an electronic meeting where you can connect with Al‑Anon members who can share their experience with you. For any other inquiries, please email wso@al‑anon.org Moderators may edit comments according to Al‑Anon Policy to remove personally identifiable information to protect anonymity, as well as remove derogatory language or statements that are inflammatory or unrelated. Moderators reserve the right to not publish comments that do not adhere to Al‑Anon's Traditions and spiritual principles, such as comments that may draw Al‑Anon into controversy. First Name Email Δ Label What happens next? All comments enter moderation, which may take up to ten business days. Al‑Anon does not offer counseling or advice. We invite you to visit our Meetings page to find an in‑person meeting in your area or try an electronic meeting where you can connect with Al‑Anon members who can share their experience with you. For any other inquiries, please email wso@al‑anon.org Moderators may edit comments according to Al‑Anon Policy to remove personally identifiable information to protect anonymity, as well as remove derogatory language or statements that are inflammatory or unrelated. Moderators reserve the right to not publish comments that do not adhere to Al‑Anon's Traditions and spiritual principles, such as comments that may draw Al‑Anon into controversy. First Name Email Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. 16 Comments Newest Oldest Inline Feedbacks View all comments Evelyn 6 months ago Reading From Survival To Recovery was helpful to my recover. I learned that I too have characteristics similar to those suffering from the disease of alcoholism which helped me realize that I had to take a closer look at my own behaviours and own my responsibilities in life. Michele H. 7 months ago My great-grandfather was the alcoholic in my life. He was always drunk, but he was an amazing, great man. He was funny, kind and gentle. Like when you see the old black and white movies. Fast forward, I dated an alcoholic who was in a recovery home on Haight/Ashbury in San Francisco. He too had an amazing personality, but he wanted me to support him financially. When I decided not to give him any more money, he ended things. The next guy I start dating, again in a recovery home. We met in California, but we’re both born and raised… Read more » Anonymous 7 months ago Sponsorship really helped me grow up. My relationship with my Sponsor was the first healthy adult relationship I ever had. When I first got here I had a ton of unhealthy coping mechanisms from a lifetime of living with alcoholism. I had no idea how to communicate without manipulation. I didn’t know how to be honest about my feelings or even how to say what I really meant. My Sponsor taught me how a healthy relationship works. Little by little I’m learning to show up as myself and say what I feel. I’m forever grateful to her and to this… Read more » Trudy C. Québec 7 months ago As a child I never knew my dad could be an alcoholic. It is upon coming to Al-Anon and identifying with others, that I recognized the disease. My dad never drank much, only on social occasions and then he really got drunk. He started to drink more in his early 60s upon his retirement, and then he didn’t need any occasions. What I recognized in reading our literature and hearing adult children shared are his personality and his behavior in relation to alcoholism. It was not accentuated by the use of alcohol, but in my child’s heart and mind it… Read more » Jeannie 7 months ago One of my greatest gifts so far through this beautiful program of Al-Anon is the ability to let go of the resentments I had for my childhood. As long as I held on to that pain I would never be free and I wasn’t but I kept “coming back” week after week; I read our CAL; I participated in service roles and when I was ready, reached out for a Sponsor. I am forever grateful to no longer carry around the pit of resentment. Not everyday is perfect but I have the tools of the program to aid in my… Read more » Malinda 7 months ago I grew up in an alcoholic abusive home. I always thought that I was more grownup and mature than most kids were because of the abuse that I had suffered. I had been known to say that I had to to “grow-up” faster than other children my age just for the sheer will of survival. When I came into Al-Anon I was in complete and utter denial that my childhood had anything to do with my current situation. I was in ANOTHER alcoholic marriage and wanted to know how to fix it. I have done a lot of growing up… Read more » Lori 7 months ago I have learned so much about myself coming to Al-Anon. After several years in, I realized (or accepted) that I was a child married to an alcoholic. I blamed him and the world for everything, taking zero responsibility for my attitude, feelings, or anger. Avoiding conflict was how I survived. I was not enough and tried to change myself to fit their view. And when that didn’t work, I became defensive and withdrew from life. I was irritable and unreasonable without knowing it. Before my bottom, we were two people (one sober, one miserable) pretending to be married on the… Read more » David 7 months ago I was born and raised in Scotland – not a country or culture well known for caring and compassionate fathers, but a country very well known for its chronic abuse of alcohol. My alcoholic father was cold, distant and unfeeling but I was 33 by the time l stumbled, desperately lonely, into my first Al-Anon meeting. Through working the 12 Steps and with professional help I became aware I had the emotional maturity of a 3-year-old – using childish (and totally inappropriate and ineffective) responses to adult challenges. Al-Anon has helped me grow up by showing and teaching me I… Read more » Angela 7 months ago As a newcomer celebrating my first year in Al-Anon, I’ve come to realize that “growing up” doesn’t mean I take things more seriously – just the opposite is happening! With the help of our slogan “How Important Is it?”, I realize that most things are not only out of my control, but also not very important. This has been a huge shift in my overthinking brain, and a relief to my mind and heart. Laughter and lightness come much more easily as I grow in my recovery. So much space in my mind was taken up with constant worry and… Read more » Patty 7 months ago Since I’ve been in Al-Anon, I’ve: admitted when I’m wrong, taken my responsibilities and not others’, loved myself so I can love others, and am not as hard on myself. I accept my imperfections and don’t take criticism as a personal attack. I accept that people are who they are and I can’t fix them. Haley 7 months ago Growing up, I thought my mother chose alcohol and her friends over me. I thought if she loved me, she would quit ruining our lives. I dreamt of having a “normal” mom and childhood. I constantly failed at fixing her and others. I thought I grew up too fast and was forced to be an adult in a child’s body. Al-Anon helped me “grow up” by teaching me that I could not control anyone or anything other than myself. It taught me not to take other people’s decisions personally and to stop people pleasing! The principles of the program helped… Read more » Mary B. 7 months ago As a child of an alcoholic, Al-Anon has helped me “grow up” in both emotional and spiritual ways. It has helped me see that both my parents, the alcoholic and the Al-Anon were both truly just doing the best that they could in the difficult job of being a parent. It has helped me to stop catastrophizing and also taught me to take one day at a time. Alanon has been and to continues play an important role in keeping me mentally healthy. It has helped me enormously! I am forever grateful! Kimberly 7 months ago How has Al‑Anon helped you, as a child of an alcoholic, “grow up” When I told another Al-Anon member, about my same age, this topic title, the first thing said was, “I’ll let you know when that happens.” I laughed, because I shared that same attitude in the beginning of my Al-Anon recovery. I felt my parents left me with very little life skills. Being “grown up” meant one knew something about “life”. I didn’t. So, I felt like a fraud, like an imposter, a “kid” in an adult body wanting something I missed. The untold secret of being a… Read more » Sandra 7 months ago I didn’t understand that my father had an illness (alcoholism). I didn’t understand nor had the maturity to understand that my mother was doing the best she could. I resented her more than I did my father. Al-Anon helped me to grow up by showing me that alcoholism is a disease and no one chooses to have it. It helped me to understand that I never had a real father because of the disease and not because he chose not to love me. It opened my heart to be able to forgive my mother for her inability to show love… Read more » Lorraine 7 months ago Came to believe! What a Concept! I love the way the Steps, Traditions, and Concepts intertwine and then strengthen my ability to thrive. Alcoholism was present in both of my parents’ lives, but I am not the child of an alcoholic. I am affected by the family disease of alcoholism. Always the outsider, always blaming others, so self-centered that I drove people away – I’ve suffered from the family disease of alcoholism all my life. Thank you Higher Power for making that fellow walking across the campus, singing “We Three Kings” so attractive for me, that lonely girl looking for… Read more » Stephen 7 months ago Al-Anon helped me grow up by first allowing me to acknowledge the grief and trauma of losing my mother to alcoholism. I needed to talk about alcoholism directly. Members supported me. They didn’t try to solve things. Their stories showed me that they had been through similar situations. Eventually, I wallowed in self-pity. Al-Anon still welcomed me. Members & sponsors heard and listened and gave program suggestions. I was able to model my behavior after those who came before. Ever grateful for this from Al-Anon members.