How does Al‑Anon help you work through trust issues?
Being affected by the disease of alcoholism, we may have sought to protect ourselves from disappointment by not trusting anyone, or we may have placed our full trust in our alcoholic loved ones, inevitably resulting in disappointment. September’s Member Blog topic is “How does Al‑Anon help you work through trust issues?”
As always, you can also write about Al‑Anon’s three Legacies. This month features Step Nine, Tradition Nine, and Concept Nine.
Sharings on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
New topics are being added each month!
One of the most important parts of trust is giving up control. Many children of alcoholics become their parents’ support mechanism so parents earn income and then children make sure that income becomes food, and that younger siblings are off to school, etc. As a child, that unhealthy supporting of the parents makes sure the child will eat. As an adult, becoming the hands, legs, and voice of an alcoholic so they flounder less, so they hurt us less, is an unhealthy carry-over from the survival actions of children. Al-Anon helps me find peace and wait out the alcoholic, let… Read more »
Al-Anon has helped me work through trust issues by broadening my understanding and developing a deeper relationship with an HP. So much of our lives are consumed with hurt from the past that we carry it with us. For example, being in a relationship with someone and having the fear of history repeating itself. After working with my Sponsor and detaching from the stinking thinking, I was able to give this person a chance. I allowed the program to work through me and not allow any brick walls to go up. My heart softened and I am now living a… Read more »
Trust issues – I had an incident last evening that if I had not been in Al-Anon, my past behaviors would have ruined my serenity, my wife’s, and ny daughter’s. We had a plan in place to see my grandson and my daughter’s family this weekend. My grandson is autistic, and we have a strained relationship with our daughter, at least I do at this time. So we get a call at 9PM that they have to cancel the visit due to her work schedule, which we understand as she is an executive. Then my wife tells me that she… Read more »
Growing up in an alcoholic home & never knowing what kind of behaviour to expect from others, I learned quickly to distrust everyone. It was the only way to survive. After several years in Al-Anon, I’m learning to trust not only others, but also myself. It’s a life-long process & even though I see positive change I know that I have to find a healthy balance. In today’s crazy world I don’t want to trust everyone! I’ve had to let go of my protective armor & realize that, yes, I can get hurt, & yes, I can be disappointed. However,… Read more »
Trusting is to be able to feel that a person is honest and reliable. I felt that most people in my life were honest, but being reliable, not too many people were in the eyes of the child and the adult that I was, prior to coming to Al-Anon. Learning to trust has been a long process in my recovery. I know today that a great part of my not trusting was the result of fear of the authority, of the unknown and of the unpredictability that I went through for many years. There was very little stability in my… Read more »
As a member of Al-Anon for quite some time now, I would say that I am not nearly as naive about my purpose in talking with others. I simply did not connect the dots that I would overshare with just about anyone, looking for help and love in all the wrong places! I certainly went to the hardware store for bread and cheese! And then, when no one seemed to be able to help me or love me into being happier, I grew resentful and built walls around myself of mistrust and disappointment. After coming to meetings, opening and chairing… Read more »
Al-Anon helps me work through trust issues by offering a safe space in meetings where I can share openly and without interruption. And without advice. I live with and grew up with alcoholism – active when I was growing up with my father’s drinking, and sobriety now with my sober husband – so being able to share where I’m at in a meeting and not get told what to do or not to feel that way or another version of control I experience sometimes with the alcoholics in my life is a wonderful gift. Currently, I am looking at one… Read more »
Through Al-Anon I learned that other people’s actions are not my responsibility and they are not a reflection on me. I cannot force someone to behave the way I think they should. If they betray my trust by doing something that hurts me, I don’t need to blame myself for not being good enough to prevent them from doing it. My distrust of the alcoholic in my life caused me to live his life (or try to) by attempting to manage everything he did. I was afraid the alcohol would cause him to make poor decisions. I learned that I… Read more »
My biggest challenge has been learning to trust myself. As an adult child, I grew up with the message that the people I chose as friends were not “our type”. I was told to follow my parents rules for choosing friends. I was told that my talking and my immaturity made me unlikeable. My parents said they would provide me with all the guidance I needed to be “our kind of people” and to meet others like “us”. I suffered emotionally because their rules and life-style didn’t fit me – I thought I was the one who was broken. In… Read more »