I’m reading this discussion at a loss for words. I didn’t think my boyfriend’s drinking was a problem, I just wanted to see the bright side of everything of course. We’ve been together for over a year and have a baby together. We are happy as can be when he’s sober. But when he drinks he can’t just drink a little bit he has to get obliterated. He’s never really been physically abusive, one night when he got really drunk he was pushing me around but it wasn’t anything crazy. I know he still shouldn’t be doing that. But that’s… Read more »

My husband and I moved from LA to Pittsburgh last fall to be closer to his family; due to COVID layoff and the political climate, CA just didn’t feel like home anymore. We’ve been married for 9 very happy years, dated for four years prior. I love our life that we’ve built. We met in our late 20s as young professionals building our careers. He was a typical party guy in college and is the weekend warrior having a few beers but never anything i was ever remotely concerned about. We work very stressful customer service/sales jobs and have built… Read more »

Been with mine for 19 years. He is determined that I am abusive, has referred to me as Dr.Jekylk and Mr. Hyde, or cryella DeVille.. everything he does to me is evidently what I do to him, which makes no sense. I am a trauma survivor from my teen years before I met him. When I met him he was the nicest guy to me. I expected him to kick me out like all the other “men” I had known. I only stayed because he asked me to stay. He was nice to me for a very long time. However,… Read more »

I’ve been with my partner 6 years, we’re engaged. From day 1 I knew he had problems, we would arrange to meet and then he’d not be home and I’d not hear from him all night. Turns out he went on a bender. This was the case every other day for the first 6 months, then I joined him him in drinking and doing drugs for a year, though he would still drop off the radar most Friday nights and I wouldn’t hear from him till Sunday sometimes. Eventually I realised I didn’t want that anymore and we broke up… Read more »

Oh my life’s a mess. My husband always drank since I met him 30 years ago, he’s going to be 53 years old. He’s drinking he’s a mean drunk doesn’t hit me but the way he treats me is horrible. His father moved in with us November his whole family are drunks his father I consider is a predator he’s a bad man and he’s destroying our marriage. His family since we met 30 years ago have done nothing but try to break us up. Literally they done really horrible things. Well his mom and dad just got divorced six… Read more »

I’ve been dating someone for two years and at first I guess I was blind to it but every time he is angry or something upsets him he will go and drink. He will look for any excuse to drink. The weirdest thing happens to him only when he drinks too. He will accuse me of being in the CIA or FBI or working undercover for the police and thinks everyone is out to get him. He will go on and on about things about religion or political stuff and it’s always the same exact topics when he drinks. Every… Read more »

I can relate to everyone on here. I thought I was alone in this but I’m glad there is others who know how it feels to go through this. I have been with my partner for 6 years. I should have left him years ago as there was warning signs right from the start. He doesn’t drink every day but when he does he doesn’t know when to stop and it can go on for 2 days. He comes back, is abusive to me for no reason, breaks things in the house, calls me names, blames me as it’s never… Read more »

Hi everyone After reading many of the messages below I feel I’m heading in the same direction as most of you. I’ve been with my partner now for 5 years, it started off great, I suppose you could say it was the honeymoon phase, then after a year things changed, we would enjoy going out for dinner and drinks together but this soon turned into every date night ending with a row. Always alcohol infused, he would always blame me, nothing was ever his fault. I’ve been accused of fancying his friends, not giving him enough attention, don’t love him… Read more »

I just have to get this out, I feel alone and am giving up on my wife. I am 59, my wife is 57. We have been married for almost 30 years. She has had a problem with her behavior when drinking all that time. She will be just fine and then she crosses this imaginary line and I know that it’s going to hit the fan that night. First comes the focusing on some little thing that has displeased her that day. Then her focus will intensify to the point where she cannot stop picking on me for whatever… Read more »

I feel like we’re all living the same life with how much I relate to your comments and it makes me cry knowing there are so many of you out there going through what I am also going through but also makes me feel not so alone. I am always doubting myself, like what could I have done differently to change things but I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing I can or could have done. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 years (not married) we’ve never split up and we have two boys together ages 12 and… Read more »

Hello, I have been married to my husband for a year and a half, we have been together for almost 7 years. I was married to a man who cheated and was abusive, both physically and verbally for 26 years, his abuse came as a result of him getting angry after we argued, so it was a gradual buildup that I could usually see coming, but my current husband is not verbally or physically abusive in any way until he gets extremely drunk. I am so in love with him and he is with me….when he is sober which is… Read more »

I’ve been w my husband 18 yrs. We lived separately the last 9 due to his abusive alcoholism on the weekends. He gets mean and yells “about all the things he was mad about during the week”. During covid our son and I moved into his apt. He continued with the screaming and yelling every weekend or any day he had off from work. I don’t respond or engage with him but he wants to yell and verbally abuse me then expects sex and it lasts forever and I dread it but I do it just so I don’t have… Read more »

My husband & I both drink but only difference is he cannot control himself after a certain point. He is a wonderful dad & husband sober, and at the beginning stages of drinking. 80% of the time it’s a good night we’ve both been drinking and spending time together as a family but the other 20% makes our marriage intolerable. He is so nasty to me when he reaches a certain point says degrading things I wouldn’t say to an enemy let alone my partner in life then the next day of course doesn’t remember & doesn’t want it brought… Read more »

I’ve been married for 12 years and have 3 kids with my husband. I always knew he was a drinker but more so a casual drinker. When we got married, I saw a different side of him. He drinks to the point where he’s an angry drunk. It scares me most of the time. The kids have witnessed him numerous times of his behavior and saw him how abusive he can be. I try to play it off with my kids so they would the scared. There are many sleepless nights because I’m scared on what he will do to… Read more »

Growing up, I never really had to deal with drunks or addicts of any sort except for smokers but when I got married that changed quick. At first his drinking was fine, we would just sit and unwind but suddenly it changed. Like the flip of a switch everything was awful, I couldn’t even sit quietly and read a book without the degrading comments on how ‘stupid’ this and that was. The first few times it happened I had drank a little but never much and it just had to be all my fault because I just had to be… Read more »

I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years now. We were together previously but his drinking was out of control and he began using drugs and had cheated. He reconnected to me a year and a half later and we’ve been together ever since. At the time, he was working out and not drinking. But over the course of the first few months he began again and was hiding his drug use… Flash forward to today, it’s been 8 months since any drug use but his alcoholism is out of control for what I want for my life. We… Read more »

I have been married 17 years, dated 5 years. But the past 6-7 years of our marriage have been marked by an ever growing problem he has with drinking. He keeps all drinking secret. But his entire demeanor changes even after one drink. He becomes combative. He verbally abuses me, looks for a fight and then just repeats the same grievances over and over and will not let it go. He has in the past had outbursts that resulted in broken items, holes in walls etc. Tonight I forgot to use broth when cooking the rice and he exploded. We… Read more »

I am going through this as I am typing this comment. I have been married to my husband for almost four years, together for 6 years, but I have known him and previously dated him 14 years ago. We have three kids together. We just moved into a new house after being in a hotel for 2 years. We lost our house due to his inability to keep a job and I couldn’t afford everything by myself. Anyway, back to today, he has been drinking all day after he promised he wouldn’t drink anymore after we had a bad altercation… Read more »

My husband of 22 years is a mean drunk. He is a binge drinker on the weekends and flirts with drinking during the week often – more when the weather is nice. He can be a lot of fun, until he’s not. He sees himself as the most charming, smartest person in the room – disliking anyone with an opposing view or who might be outspoken. He is often verbally abusive – but has also laid hands on me and our son. He has never touched our daughter. He has cheated on me multiple times and had at least one… Read more »

I can relate to a lot of these comments, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a 1 1/2 years he is a nice and good man to me except when under the influence. I met him at work. I know that I shouldn’t have started anything with someone I worked with but decided to give it a try. We worked in the same department I worked the morning shift and he worked both 2nd and 3rd shift so it would be days that he’d relieve me or I’d relieve him. I begin to notice he had a problem with drinking… Read more »