How do you deal with unacceptable behavior?

This is my story. We have been married for 4 months. Sometimes I wonder why I did it to myself. When he’s sober, he’s caring and kind, crazy cat dad, full of love and compliments. When he”s drunk I’m the worst wife in the world, he hates my hair color, thinks we should get rid of our cats and hates our home. He makes up entire stories and situations that never happen. It’s impossible to ignore or not be dragged into an argument that makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. He gets home from work 2 hours before… Read more »

I speak up, it is hard when my spouse is like this. He is a functioning alcoholic and it makes life much harder. He will be completely fine one minute and the next he will be completely trashed. It constantly happens and not sure if there is a good way I can actually do something.

You have pretty much summed up my life, even though we are oceans apart. I too live with my Husband of 37 years, I think he is what you call a functioning alcoholic, he holds down a full time job, drinks daily whether he is working or not, he has days off in between shifts and these days are the worst, he becomes a verbally abusive monster. I have covered for him for many years, because of shame and embarrassment. I have no social life whatsoever for fear of having friends come over and witness his behaviour, he’s a monster.… Read more »

My boyfriend has completely destroyed my entire life with his drinking. I’ve been begging him to stop for almost a year and a half and he still comes home drunk from work multiple nights per week or sits in the other room and drinks behind my back and then comes in to bed shitfaced and verbally abusive. He calls me ‘stupid bitch’ and worse when he’s drunk and I yell at him about it. He regularly urinates/vomits on the floor then acts like it’s my job to clean up because I haven’t been able to hold a job the whole… Read more »

Hi where do I start my husband has been binge drinking for over thirty years three times a week he goes out demands I pick him up at two o clock in the morning calls me continuously if I ignore so I switch phone off then he comes in angry screams up the stairs calling me nasty things he also lets my dogs out then I have to get up to secure them then he verbally abuses me he also wets the bed he sees nothing wrong with this behaviour. Even though I work fifty hours a week. he is… Read more »

Hello, just wanted to post my experience. I have been to Al-Anon and while I agree with most of the program, I don’t like the feeling like we can’t talk about the situations and express our emotions. So I am glad this open forum here to vent. I met my husband in high school. We instantly fell in love and were best friends. He was the most amazing boy I ever saw, absolute stud. He was also very sensitive and we had an intimate emotional connection. I noticed in the early years that he had a hard time controlling his… Read more »

To my friends and family I am: • Kind • Patient • Highly respected • Compassionate • Humble • Always willing to help • A great listener • Caring • Sensitive • Non-judgemental • A great wife • A great cook • Happily married for almost 7 years • A home owner • A successful career woman To my students I am: • Inspiring • Their favorite instructor • Making a difference in their lives • A role model • Knowledgeable • Funny To my work colleagues I am: • Creative • Very efficient • intelligent • Supportive • Organized… Read more »

Speaking of unacceptable behavior, just look how very horrible women have become these days compared to the good old days when most women back then were certainly Real Ladies at that time. Very easy for a man to find love in those days with no trouble at all either. Women have really changed for the worst of all nowadays since most women are very mentally disturbed since they have no manners and personality at all with many of us good single men looking for a very serious relationship now. There are times for No Reason at all which many women… Read more »

So here’s the thing. They don’t get better – only worse. I suspect that this whole recovery subject is theoretical because I have yet to see it in action. Run, don’t look back, cut your losses. These creatures will sap the life out of you. It’s sad, it’s sucks, it’s true. Wise up now before there is an even bigger effect on your children, extended family, and yourself. Sorry. I mean it.

My God. Just was reading some of your experiences, I am from India my wife and I don’t have any major issues, she drinks rarely but when she goes to one of those annoying depression mode rants, I really lose it….I just wish I could explain how annoying it is, butts that’s all it is just annoying, that’s how I came across this blog but after reading some of the lives destroyed here i am truly sad, I pray that your lives will take a turn for the better because I don’t believe anyone should suffer like this, nothing is… Read more »

Boy the life of a spouse of an alcoholic. What can I say. we share very similar situations. For me, I have given up; I do not “love” my husband, and I have resigned myself to try to just stand by in the “death watch”. My husband is what I call a hollow man…he drinks a fifth of vodka everyday, sits in his recliner, barely eats, and pretends everything is ok. For the most part, I do not interact with him. I do what I want to do on a daily basis…however, there are times when I become so angry.… Read more »

I have read the above comments and its difficult to know what to say, for me its been 13 years of trying trying trying, and it never got me anywhere, The fact is nobody will make a decision to stop drinking unless it comes from them, some do it when they reach deaths door and realize, some die, and some are on and off it all their lives. Its the cruelest addiction on both the alcoholic and carer, husband, friend, wife etc . In all honesty its just better to leave because you will never have any quality of life… Read more »

I feel like you wrote my story. It helps to know I am not alone although I am alone.

texaspride

First of all, I just want to say that I am so sorry for anyone that is here because obviously you are dealing with an alcoholic in your life. It is one of the saddest loneliest feelings in the world hearing an alcoholic rant and rave and act like a total idiot and knowing that its a dirty little secret that you have to keep within the family because most people just wouldn’t believe or understand unless they have been there. My story is rather different than most of what I have read on here. I do not love the… Read more »

Hi there, You have done an incredible job. I will definitely digg it and individually
suggest to my friends. I am sure they’ll be benefited from this blog.

I am a 50 year old woman who thought she finally made sense of why the tragedies in life had occurred when I met my current bf of 14 months. Slowly, I have seen his true self unfold. He is an alcoholic and his frequency in getting annihilated has increased. After several concerning “talks” about his behavior and his reassurances he didn’t have a problem, it wouldn’t happen again, he’d turn this around, he hears me loud and clear, they continue and almost at an alarming frequency. To top it off, I grew up with an alcoholic parent and shared… Read more »

This podcast was very powerful. I have to look at myself and make sure I take responsibility to set my own boundaries. In the past, I would complain or cry to others and hope they would fix things for me. That didn’t work well at all. As one of the speakers said, I have to have enough self respect to know what my own values are. I don’t think I knew my values or my boundaries before Al-Anon. Now, I know how to set clear boundaries. It’s not always easy, but I have enough self respect to take care of… Read more »

Thank you for all of your stories – they are hard to read and hard to write as well I am sure. In my case, my wonderful awful ex was a functioning alcoholic. He was circling the drain for years and he kept assuring me he wasn’t. I was mad. I was the one in the wrong for not drinking with him anymore. I was no fun. I was wrong to ask him to change. I was wrong to ask him to slow down. I should have asked him to stop altogether. I was wrong to say you can’t drink… Read more »

How and when do you bring yourself to the point that you say enough? I still love her…I want her to get help which she is now doing/ so walking away seems obvious, but I can never say “you can do this” if I tell her at the same time, I give up on you, us, and the kids. Quite the conundrum…if that is the correct spelling. I would love some insight. She does not know that I am now aware that she was doing Cocaine, Ecstasy, etc. while wrecking a vehicle, jeopardizing our future, and albeit drunk, committing adultery… Read more »

My wife is in her third time with treatment…this time it is court ordered via Marchman Act which I signed. We have 2 kids, 5 and 9 and I am doing my best to hold this thing together. She has now branched out into drug addiction which she does not know or accept that I am aware of….thoughts???