I just have to get this out, I feel alone and am giving up on my wife. I am 59, my wife is 57. We have been married for almost 30 years. She has had a problem with her behavior when drinking all that time. She will be just fine and then she crosses this imaginary line and I know that it’s going to hit the fan that night. First comes the focusing on some little thing that has displeased her that day. Then her focus will intensify to the point where she cannot stop picking on me for whatever… Read more »

I feel like we’re all living the same life with how much I relate to your comments and it makes me cry knowing there are so many of you out there going through what I am also going through but also makes me feel not so alone. I am always doubting myself, like what could I have done differently to change things but I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing I can or could have done. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 years (not married) we’ve never split up and we have two boys together ages 12 and… Read more »

Hello, I have been married to my husband for a year and a half, we have been together for almost 7 years. I was married to a man who cheated and was abusive, both physically and verbally for 26 years, his abuse came as a result of him getting angry after we argued, so it was a gradual buildup that I could usually see coming, but my current husband is not verbally or physically abusive in any way until he gets extremely drunk. I am so in love with him and he is with me….when he is sober which is… Read more »

I’ve been w my husband 18 yrs. We lived separately the last 9 due to his abusive alcoholism on the weekends. He gets mean and yells “about all the things he was mad about during the week”. During covid our son and I moved into his apt. He continued with the screaming and yelling every weekend or any day he had off from work. I don’t respond or engage with him but he wants to yell and verbally abuse me then expects sex and it lasts forever and I dread it but I do it just so I don’t have… Read more »

My husband & I both drink but only difference is he cannot control himself after a certain point. He is a wonderful dad & husband sober, and at the beginning stages of drinking. 80% of the time it’s a good night we’ve both been drinking and spending time together as a family but the other 20% makes our marriage intolerable. He is so nasty to me when he reaches a certain point says degrading things I wouldn’t say to an enemy let alone my partner in life then the next day of course doesn’t remember & doesn’t want it brought… Read more »

I’ve been married for 12 years and have 3 kids with my husband. I always knew he was a drinker but more so a casual drinker. When we got married, I saw a different side of him. He drinks to the point where he’s an angry drunk. It scares me most of the time. The kids have witnessed him numerous times of his behavior and saw him how abusive he can be. I try to play it off with my kids so they would the scared. There are many sleepless nights because I’m scared on what he will do to… Read more »

Growing up, I never really had to deal with drunks or addicts of any sort except for smokers but when I got married that changed quick. At first his drinking was fine, we would just sit and unwind but suddenly it changed. Like the flip of a switch everything was awful, I couldn’t even sit quietly and read a book without the degrading comments on how ‘stupid’ this and that was. The first few times it happened I had drank a little but never much and it just had to be all my fault because I just had to be… Read more »

I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years now. We were together previously but his drinking was out of control and he began using drugs and had cheated. He reconnected to me a year and a half later and we’ve been together ever since. At the time, he was working out and not drinking. But over the course of the first few months he began again and was hiding his drug use… Flash forward to today, it’s been 8 months since any drug use but his alcoholism is out of control for what I want for my life. We… Read more »

I have been married 17 years, dated 5 years. But the past 6-7 years of our marriage have been marked by an ever growing problem he has with drinking. He keeps all drinking secret. But his entire demeanor changes even after one drink. He becomes combative. He verbally abuses me, looks for a fight and then just repeats the same grievances over and over and will not let it go. He has in the past had outbursts that resulted in broken items, holes in walls etc. Tonight I forgot to use broth when cooking the rice and he exploded. We… Read more »

I am going through this as I am typing this comment. I have been married to my husband for almost four years, together for 6 years, but I have known him and previously dated him 14 years ago. We have three kids together. We just moved into a new house after being in a hotel for 2 years. We lost our house due to his inability to keep a job and I couldn’t afford everything by myself. Anyway, back to today, he has been drinking all day after he promised he wouldn’t drink anymore after we had a bad altercation… Read more »

My husband of 22 years is a mean drunk. He is a binge drinker on the weekends and flirts with drinking during the week often – more when the weather is nice. He can be a lot of fun, until he’s not. He sees himself as the most charming, smartest person in the room – disliking anyone with an opposing view or who might be outspoken. He is often verbally abusive – but has also laid hands on me and our son. He has never touched our daughter. He has cheated on me multiple times and had at least one… Read more »

I can relate to a lot of these comments, I’ve been with my boyfriend for a 1 1/2 years he is a nice and good man to me except when under the influence. I met him at work. I know that I shouldn’t have started anything with someone I worked with but decided to give it a try. We worked in the same department I worked the morning shift and he worked both 2nd and 3rd shift so it would be days that he’d relieve me or I’d relieve him. I begin to notice he had a problem with drinking… Read more »

Hi I know how you all are feeling I have been married to my husband for 2 years together 5 and known him 25yrs when he is sober he is tender and caring and drink turns him into a angry monster the name calling the things he says i would not say to my worst enemy but it is now a daily occurrence as he had been furloughed as he is a chef and it is especially worse when his complicated family relationship becomes so vile so many times I tell myself it is time to kick him out he… Read more »

I don’t recognise my boyfriend any more. He is the sweetest man sober, elaborate gestures, kind, makes me nice dinners, is genuinely interested in how I am, takes care of his kids and anyone who needs help. He is gone mentally. He has always drank but since lockdown it’s really escalated with so many reasons to justify it. Being bored is the main excuse. He drinks white wine from dawn till dusk, is emotionally and verbally abusive and his suicide attempts are more and more frequent. First it was small knife cuts on his wrists, in January I found him… Read more »

It’s nice to know I’m not alone here. I am at my wits end. My wife of 10 years is a mean and abusive alcoholic who takes it all out on me. The things that come out of her mouth are just horrific. We have 2 kids the youngest is 8 and the oldest is now 18. Sadly they have seen it all. I’m just so tired of being blamed for everything and feeling so powerless to fix it for our family. The cops have come out countless times and she has even told them I abuse her, that I… Read more »

Attheendofmyrope When I read your story, I was in doubt that maybe I had posted this comment before as it’s exactly my life!! My husband does the exact same things as your husband! He is rude towards me and when I leave the room he comes after me and starts saying the same thing over and over again! I have been also thinking of placing cameras because of his behaviour. The only time he doesn’t drink is in the mornings and that is when he is normal but doesn’t believe me when I talk about his behaviour from the night… Read more »

A few days ago, my boyfriend of more than 2 years ended up in the ER because he was in unbearable pain. His drinking had escalated to more than a 5th of Whiskey a night. He has finally had to admit that he needs to stop drinking. This is what it took. Before that he had to detox from heroine and methadone, but could not see that alcohol was simply another drug. To him, whiskey was the answer to all his problems. He felt so confidant about it that he claimed that he could see into the future and see… Read more »

I am living a nightmare. 20 yrs married. 10 of them with an abuser. An alcoholic with depression and anger issues. Verbally. Emotionally. Mentally. At times, physically We have 2 kids. I have been waiting, knowing if I divorced he would get joint custody Knowing I would not be with the kids daily. I could not put them in that dangerous situation Two attorneys pretty much told me this. I watched 3 friends go through divorces. Just to split their time with kids. Even though he was mean. I feel stuck. My kids are finally old enough. They don’t want… Read more »

Thank you ladies who shared your personal experience.
I currently live with my husband who gets verbally loud and says mean things to me when he’s drinking.
We’ve been married for 14 years and dated 7 years before we got married.
I am just realizing the problem he has with drinking.
Why did it take me so long to recognize it. I would have never married him and had a child with him if I knew my worth way back when.

I have been with my severely alcoholic ex-husband for 44 years, we were married 35 years, and I have BPD. Would have been 45 years but I divorced him, left for a year and then came back almost two years ago in hopes of being able to ignore or deal better with his drinking. He has been a mail carrier at the USPS for 33 years and never missed a day of work because of alcohol, so he thinks that that proves he doesn’t have a problem. We are both 64 years old, and I have many, many health problems… Read more »