How do you deal with self‑doubt and/or fear?
In situations involving risk‑taking, such as standing for a service position or interacting with alcoholic loved ones, how do you manage the accompanying self‑doubt and fears? August’s blog topic is, “How do you deal with self‑doubt and/or fear?”
As always, you can also write about Al‑Anon’s three Legacies. This month features Step Eight, Tradition Eight, and Concept Eight.
Sharings on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
New topics are being added each month!
I do not live in fear and self-doubt anymore. I am aware of my part in all that happens to me everday. I allow my emotions and feeling to be and then allow them to leave and go back to my peace and serenity. Al-Anon has become a way of life for me at home, with friends and relatives, and I am amazed at how happy and content I am 98% of the time.
I am not a new member of Al-Anon , but new to the BLOG and would like to share my thoughts for today. My wife’s birthday is Saturday and she is the reason I am in Al-Anon. I am being affected by her drinking, which has mostly subsided, but her dependency on prescription medicine has increased. That being said, I wanted to do something special but I can only ask once what she would like to do and I did not get an answer, so I asked one more time and still no response. I am now using my program… Read more »
When I experience self-doubt, I first acknowledge that I am not alone. I reach out to my Sponsor. Fortunately, she does not give advice-she listens, shares experiences she has had that are similar, and then I can share with her my present thoughts. What an invention-reaching out to someone else! After speaking to her, I still may have reservations. I then can turn to CAL to find some experience, strength, and hope to further reflect on. Giving my self-doubt some space allows me to listen for the God of my understanding to help me decide what is best for me… Read more »
For me self-doubt and fear are just feelings fed by my often distorted perception, which is based on the past. I don’t live there anymore. Through Al-Anon meetings and readings, I’ve learned to value the “toolbox”; the toolbox I walked through these doors with but didn’t understand how to use. Through becoming aware of my part and character behaviors, I started to see the program tools in that box. Slogans, acronyms, what am I to be doing now, reach out to my Sponsor or another Al-Anon member, read CAL, make a to-do list for ME and tackle one thing, self-care,… Read more »
The way I’ve dealt with fear and self-doubt in the past was through obsessive thinking. When facing my fears, what I would do is think about the situation a hundred times. Most of the time, I got so obsessed with my fearful thoughts that the mere fact of it discouraged me from taking the action I needed to take. Today, thanks to the Al-Anon program and the help of my Higher Power, when I’m fearful and doubtful about any situation in my life, I choose to ask for my Higher Power’s help. By doing so, I’m also choosing to have… Read more »
I have recently understood the difference between guilt and shame. I have come to appreciate the feeling of guilt as it is an opportunity to grow vs. sink into a sea of never-ending fears and self-doubt. For years, self-doubt and fear led me to resign my thoughts, ideas, and decision to others that I perceived as smarter than, better than, and clearly knew more than enough of what I didn’t know to make good choices. Frankly, I just turned all my power and self-responsibility over to others. My life boat on this sea sank until I came to Al-Anon. As… Read more »
Although I have learned in Al-Anon that FEAR can be an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real, it can take a few seconds, a few minutes or even longer for that head knowledge to get down to my gut. In the meantime, I can take slow, deep breaths and tune into my Higher Power’s love. One way I do this is by visualizing that I am breathing in peace and that as I breathe out my Higher Power is saying to me: Be not afraid.
I lived in some form of fear, prior to coming to Al-Anon, for as long as I could remember. As a child, I was scared of my angry father, of the teachers of my generation who were domineering, and of a fairly strict religion. I was paralysed with fear, as it was for me then. When I became a young adult, my fears showed themselves into anger, which very often festered into resentments, and it controlled my life to a large extent. When I came to Al-Anon, I didn’t understand fear as Al-Anon sees it. It is when I started… Read more »
When I am spinning in anxiety and fear, I sometimes tell myself “don’t suffer twice.” If the terrible thing I imagine does happen, I’ll suffer when it happens. If it doesn’t happen, then I suffered anticipating it for nothing. Since I don’t KNOW for sure what the future will bring (that’s God’s business), I look at what my 16 waking hours are for the day, try to get my head, heart, and spirit right in that day, and make the best of that day (that’s MY business). In summary, my job is to deal with what IS and the NOW,… Read more »
I deal with fear by reminding myself that a Higher Power is present in all situations and all people. Whatever happens in a given situation, I know that it was lovingly witnessed by my Higher Power. Whatever outcome, I can be confident that harmony was at work so it is the right outcome for the moment. To deal with self-doubt, I check my thoughts/beliefs against Al-Anon principles, ask my Higher Power for guidance, and listen carefully to the still, small voice inside me.
When dealing with my alcoholic loved one, self-doubt and fear do manifest. Those two emotions have kept me bound long enough! I go to the golden rule…do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That helps me see the person suffering from a disease, like any other disease. Then I can say something without any expectation or urge to control. I have to put all the other images aside.
I still deal with self-doubt and fear by withdrawing. I’ll withdraw from whatever it is that has brought those feelings up. Taking up a service position was a great choice and I definitely came out of my shell at the start; however, it does bring new personal challenges that I didn’t anticipate. Still trying to find a better way to face the fears by using slogans and serenity prayer but I definitely need to work at it more.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. What some might say is a character defect, I feel it’s a lot of the diversity of human nature. The strength of the person’s flight or fight [response] determines a lot and, despite fear and turmoil, I’ve had to choose more often to fight. When in reality, I’m in recovery where I strive to be in the middle – and where there is peace.
When I have self-doubt or fear about a possible service commitment, I run it by my Service Sponsor. I’ve found it comforting and reassuring to open up to someone who’s “been there”. They are sharing their experience, strength, and hope – just like my regular Sponsor – but about service-related issues. After I have been able to speak with this person, and also turned to my Higher Power for guidance, I am grateful I am able to give back to the program which has been so good to me, in a time and capacity that is right for my spiritual… Read more »
Before coming to Al-Anon, self-doubt and fear crippled me. I was raised being told I was never good enough and fear was used as a discipline tool. In this program, I have learned that God loves me just the way I am and that perfection is not a requirement nor an expectation. I have learned that not only can I trust my Higher Power, but it’s also ok to trust others. So if self-doubt creeps in, I remind myself that it’s “Progress Not Perfection.” I am good enough to stand up for myself and I don’t have to accept negative… Read more »
In the group I call my home group, we are having trouble as the Traditions are being neglected. Members, especially the new ones, are not returning as there is such dysfunction occurring. Gossip, breaking anonymity (which the new ones don’t know what that is) and outside issues are causing disunity. I don’t feel comfortable speaking up, as I don’t want to be the controlling “Al-Anon police”. The pg 85 in our daily reader HFT states, “if I am knowledgeable, I am responsible to speak up if the Traditions are being ignored or misused. Most of the members aren’t knowledgeable about… Read more »