I used to think, how am I possibly going to “unlearn” all these bad habits? In hindsight, I realize that I didn’t have to unlearn anything but had to re-learn how to listen and accept myself as I am. As with everything in Al‑Anon and Alateen, I cannot do this alone and it’s not enough to just go to meetings.
Not everything can be shared in the Al-Anon meeting; this is why I need a Sponsor. I need a true confidante. I found a Sponsor by listening to what was being shared in the meetings and through fellowship after meetings. Another person’s words matched my experience; they drew me to ask this fellow Al-Anon member to be my Sponsor. I identified with so much of what this person said. I knew that working the Steps with this member would only benefit me. It takes time to understand this program. My Sponsor helps me to understand me!
Sue P., Associate Director—Group Services
Share with us your experience of finding a Sponsor using the Comment section below.
A sponsor was a must in order to grow in this program, however it was difficult to choose from a group of new acquaintances. I came to meetings frequently, and I tried to find individuals that I could identify with. I listened to them over a period of meetings. Somehow, I had a voice within me that gave me the courage to ask someone to sponsor me. I’ve been in the program for a very long time now and I have had three persons who were very helpful in my growth in the program. I also was able to talk… Read more »
I found my sponsor in a workshop on the 12 Steps of Al-Anon led by someone I met online. When we paired up for Step 5, I really liked the woman who took me through Step 5. I asked her to be my sponsor. Her sponsor was the woman who lead the workshop. I come from a lineage of sponsors who do the 12 Steps quickly and repeatedly. I really like this approach. I live in the countryside. Closest meeting is over an hour away. My sponsor lives in Michigan. Her sponsor lives in Florida. I live in Virginia. I… Read more »
I had 3 very successful sponsorship relationships in this fellowship and 2 that were not. The difference between those that worked and those that didn’t involved service. My sponsors who were active in service were my successful sponsorship relationship versus the 2 were not. Also they personally took an interest in me and guided me to a step or tradition they felt would help. Trust began on both sides and the rest became history.
Thanks for the good sharings on sponsorship. I’ve been in the program just over 20 years. My last wonderful sponsor loved me unconditionally and really helped me learn to trust maybe for the first time. Unfortunately she’s had several major strokes and is active but because she can’t read now she’s left the program. I’m so sad. Several great women in my local group appealed to me who work great programs. I’ve asked each one would they sponsor me and been turned down. They have too many sponsees, not enough time, I’ll spouses, etc. Even some of our newcomers can’t… Read more »
I found my sponsor by trusting the signs given to me. The meetings in my local area pass around a sign-in sheet at every meeting. One column in the sign-in sheet is titled, “Willing to Sponsor?” I paid attention to the women who wrote, “Yes”, listening for the qualities I wanted to grow in myself: peace of mind and the ability to live in harmony with an alcoholic spouse. One day, one of the women I was drawn to wrote an enthusiastic, “Yes!” on the sign-in sheet. I took that enthusiasm as a sign that today was the day and… Read more »
When looking for my first sponsor, several people suggested that I “go with a winner”. I laughed inside and thought to myself, “gee, if I knew how to pick a winner, I would have no need for Al-Anon”. After a seemingly fruitless search, an old-timer took me aside. What he said boils down to a few words: “find somebody who has what you want”. Immediately, I knew who to ask. There was a man who visited our group from time to time who appeared to be comfortable in his own skin and at ease with other people. That sense of… Read more »
My sponsor is actually the person who brought me into the fellowship. I had confided in her the struggles I was having in my second marriage. Through our conversation, I revealed my first husband had been an alcoholic. She gently shared her own story of recovery from the family disease and encouraged me to attend Al-Anon. Although she lives several states away, we have a scheduled phone call weekly and we text between calls. Her 30+ years of Al-Anon experience, strength and hope have been invaluable to me in my own recovery. Her gentle, persistent, loving Al-Anon guidance have provided… Read more »
When I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon I was so numb and I din’t realize how much pain, anger, and resentment I was carrying. I didn’t speak/share for the first 9 months of attending meetings. It took me 2 years attending 3-4 meetings a week to ask my sponsor for her guidance and she said yes. My sponsor is the most precious gift my higher power has given me in this program she is my confidant my biggest cheerleader. My sponsor is a person of integrity and I didn’t know that such a person existed in the world. The… Read more »
When I crawled into my first Al-Anon meeting it was suggested that I get a sponsor as soon as possible. I got a temporary sponsor, and then started looking for a permanent sponsor. There was one woman in particular whose sharings I could not stand! She shared at every meeting, and I would swear under my breath. All I wanted was for her to shut up! As I got healthier through regular meeting attendance and working with that temporary sponsor, I began to realize that this woman was saying things I needed to hear; I just didn’t want to. So… Read more »
I heard at meetings that you should listen to people share and then ask someone. I was very distrusting, especially of women. I was arrogant, but desperate. I was ready to work the steps and “needed” a sponsor for that. I finally had the courage to ask and she said “yes”! My Higher Power had so much more for me. That single “act” of asking for help and being vulnerable, has changed my life. I not only got to work the steps, but my sponsor relationship healed my distrust for women, so I can be more open and trusting today.… Read more »
My program started the day I walked into my first meeting. I listened, learned, applied slogans and what I had learned from other members during our meetings and I started seeing my life change. But it was when I started to work with a Sponsor that my recovery took off. To have someone guide me is invaluable and I learned to trust. In turn, my Sponsor has helped me learn to love and respect myself.
I have been in Al-Anon 3 years. Although I found it helpful to attend one meeting a week, read my literature and chair a meeting once a month, it was not until I searched for a Sponsor that I saw real change. I had to persevere because the first 3 people I asked said they were too busy, inexperienced, etc. But I wanted to grow. My Sponsor has helped me the past 2 years to take care of myself, detach with love from toxic family, and been a true friend. Now I go to 4 meetings a week and am… Read more »
I begrudgingly got a sponsor after hearing several times from a member/friend “Get yourself a sponsor!” I did and worked the steps with her. 12 years ago and often away from my home meetings we did the steps and used faxing when necessary. I am so grateful that today after 10 years, we attend the same meetings and I still have someone to emulate even if I am not struggling with an issue. She loves unconditionally and I continue to observe and learn from her.
I was never satisfied with what I call “traditional” sponsorship. I wanted to be able to figure it out for myself, but I couldn’t find anyone to teach me how, so I gave up. Since I didn’t have a good model, and my defects of character included intolerance and needing to be superior, I also was not a good sponsor. Ten years ago my Higher Power showed me a method of studying that to this day I’m grateful for. I’ve been changed into a kind, tolerant, patient sponsor. I have a personal relationship with my Higher Power. My sponsees have… Read more »
Hello,
I am new, and haven’t found a sponsor yet. I am looking for insight on this one…
I have been in the program for a long time and have had two amazing sponsors. Unfortunately my last sponsor had been going through a lot with the passing of her husband and prior to that was absorbed with his progressive illness. I found she was not there for me when I turned to her for guidance in the past two years. I asked a past Delegate in our Area to be my service sponsor and have been blessed with her guidance and wisdom. I don’t need someone to hold my hand anymore, but I am aware that I need… Read more »
When I was a newby to Al-Anon, I heard the comment about getting a sponsor. At that time I was so broken, I would do anything suggested to me. Al-Anon speak was as foreign to me as a dead language. During my second or third meeting I asked 2 women to be my sponsor. One who had very similar experiences as me. The other because I knew a little about her story and had great respect and could relate to her. The woman whose experiences were like mine, went to juvenile court with me and other related appointments concerning my… Read more »
Good morning WSO – I had a wonderful and tyrant of a sponsor for the past 11 years. She passed away in September and I am in search of trying to replace her but I feel lost. I have been in Al-Anon for more than 30 years. You would think I would know what I am looking for. Perhaps that person is not there yet. I hope soon. I am blessed by having so many meetings available to me in my area. I do attend 4 -5 meetings per week. It may be time to attend different meetings. Just reaching… Read more »
I went to 5 meetings a week when I was a newcomer to Al-Anon. I read Courage to Change everyday. When my head was loud I listened to Al-Anon CDs that people in my home group gave me. I desperately wanted a sponsor but wasn’t ready to let go of many alcoholics and unhealthy people in my life. I came in the program at the same time as another newcomer and we were instantly friends. We were the only young people in the meetings. We were both in our 20’s. At the group anniversary of our home group we both… Read more »
After attending a few Al-Anon meetings as a newcomer, members began asking me if I had a sponsor? They were relentless! Week after week they asked me this question at the end of the meeting. I did ask someone to be my sponsor only because I wanted to say, “Yes!” when these members asked me again. Even though getting a sponsor was driven by my ego and irritation, it has been the greatest gift of the program. I would not be where I am in my recovery without the guidance of a sponsor. I found a power greater than myself… Read more »