I used to think, how am I possibly going to “unlearn” all these bad habits? In hindsight, I realize that I didn’t have to unlearn anything but had to re-learn how to listen and accept myself as I am. As with everything in Al‑Anon and Alateen, I cannot do this alone and it’s not enough to just go to meetings.
Not everything can be shared in the Al-Anon meeting; this is why I need a Sponsor. I need a true confidante. I found a Sponsor by listening to what was being shared in the meetings and through fellowship after meetings. Another person’s words matched my experience; they drew me to ask this fellow Al-Anon member to be my Sponsor. I identified with so much of what this person said. I knew that working the Steps with this member would only benefit me. It takes time to understand this program. My Sponsor helps me to understand me!
Sue P., Associate Director—Group Services
Share with us your experience of finding a Sponsor using the Comment section below.
I am new to Al-Anon. I have been trying to listen and find a sponsor but honestly don’t really know what it is I’m supposed to be looking for. I feel like my wheels are spinning and could definitely use some help.
Al-Anon Family Groups offer a large list of electronic meetings on a variety of platforms, including Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp, email, and phone. In addition, the meetings are available at all hours of the day, and some even 24 hours a day. Please visit our Electronic Meetings page https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/ to access the different options.
I am looking for a sponsor. I want to start working through the steps and to start helping myself fully heal, but I know I can only start doing that with the help from someone else to get me on my way. I’ve been struggling with my dad being an alcoholic and for awhile I was in complete denial but as I’ve gotten older I realize it’s way worse than I ever thought. I don’t want to feel like I am the one suffering from his disease anymore.
My husband died on january 31st. He was a functional alcoholic for as long as i knew him, he is actually not the problem. I met another guy a few years after my husband became extremely ill from diabetes and pretty much was rotting from the inside out for ten years before he succumbed to.his diabetes and alcoholism. Anyway the guy i met started working with me and we seemed to have a great connection however he was a drunk alcoholic and a pill addict maybe even a drug addict anyway we stayed super close friends and i tried to… Read more »
I need a sponsor. I feel like I am stuck on the worst merry go round. It isn’t merry at all. My husband may be the alcoholic but I feel like I am losing it.
A sponsor was a must in order to grow in this program, however it was difficult to choose from a group of new acquaintances. I came to meetings frequently, and I tried to find individuals that I could identify with. I listened to them over a period of meetings. Somehow, I had a voice within me that gave me the courage to ask someone to sponsor me. I’ve been in the program for a very long time now and I have had three persons who were very helpful in my growth in the program. I also was able to talk… Read more »
I found my sponsor in a workshop on the 12 Steps of Al-Anon led by someone I met online. When we paired up for Step 5, I really liked the woman who took me through Step 5. I asked her to be my sponsor. Her sponsor was the woman who lead the workshop. I come from a lineage of sponsors who do the 12 Steps quickly and repeatedly. I really like this approach. I live in the countryside. Closest meeting is over an hour away. My sponsor lives in Michigan. Her sponsor lives in Florida. I live in Virginia. I… Read more »
I had 3 very successful sponsorship relationships in this fellowship and 2 that were not. The difference between those that worked and those that didn’t involved service. My sponsors who were active in service were my successful sponsorship relationship versus the 2 were not. Also they personally took an interest in me and guided me to a step or tradition they felt would help. Trust began on both sides and the rest became history.
Thanks for the good sharings on sponsorship. I’ve been in the program just over 20 years. My last wonderful sponsor loved me unconditionally and really helped me learn to trust maybe for the first time. Unfortunately she’s had several major strokes and is active but because she can’t read now she’s left the program. I’m so sad. Several great women in my local group appealed to me who work great programs. I’ve asked each one would they sponsor me and been turned down. They have too many sponsees, not enough time, I’ll spouses, etc. Even some of our newcomers can’t… Read more »
I found my sponsor by trusting the signs given to me. The meetings in my local area pass around a sign-in sheet at every meeting. One column in the sign-in sheet is titled, “Willing to Sponsor?” I paid attention to the women who wrote, “Yes”, listening for the qualities I wanted to grow in myself: peace of mind and the ability to live in harmony with an alcoholic spouse. One day, one of the women I was drawn to wrote an enthusiastic, “Yes!” on the sign-in sheet. I took that enthusiasm as a sign that today was the day and… Read more »
When looking for my first sponsor, several people suggested that I “go with a winner”. I laughed inside and thought to myself, “gee, if I knew how to pick a winner, I would have no need for Al-Anon”. After a seemingly fruitless search, an old-timer took me aside. What he said boils down to a few words: “find somebody who has what you want”. Immediately, I knew who to ask. There was a man who visited our group from time to time who appeared to be comfortable in his own skin and at ease with other people. That sense of… Read more »
My sponsor is actually the person who brought me into the fellowship. I had confided in her the struggles I was having in my second marriage. Through our conversation, I revealed my first husband had been an alcoholic. She gently shared her own story of recovery from the family disease and encouraged me to attend Al-Anon. Although she lives several states away, we have a scheduled phone call weekly and we text between calls. Her 30+ years of Al-Anon experience, strength and hope have been invaluable to me in my own recovery. Her gentle, persistent, loving Al-Anon guidance have provided… Read more »
When I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon I was so numb and I din’t realize how much pain, anger, and resentment I was carrying. I didn’t speak/share for the first 9 months of attending meetings. It took me 2 years attending 3-4 meetings a week to ask my sponsor for her guidance and she said yes. My sponsor is the most precious gift my higher power has given me in this program she is my confidant my biggest cheerleader. My sponsor is a person of integrity and I didn’t know that such a person existed in the world. The… Read more »
When I crawled into my first Al-Anon meeting it was suggested that I get a sponsor as soon as possible. I got a temporary sponsor, and then started looking for a permanent sponsor. There was one woman in particular whose sharings I could not stand! She shared at every meeting, and I would swear under my breath. All I wanted was for her to shut up! As I got healthier through regular meeting attendance and working with that temporary sponsor, I began to realize that this woman was saying things I needed to hear; I just didn’t want to. So… Read more »
I heard at meetings that you should listen to people share and then ask someone. I was very distrusting, especially of women. I was arrogant, but desperate. I was ready to work the steps and “needed” a sponsor for that. I finally had the courage to ask and she said “yes”! My Higher Power had so much more for me. That single “act” of asking for help and being vulnerable, has changed my life. I not only got to work the steps, but my sponsor relationship healed my distrust for women, so I can be more open and trusting today.… Read more »
My program started the day I walked into my first meeting. I listened, learned, applied slogans and what I had learned from other members during our meetings and I started seeing my life change. But it was when I started to work with a Sponsor that my recovery took off. To have someone guide me is invaluable and I learned to trust. In turn, my Sponsor has helped me learn to love and respect myself.
I have been in Al-Anon 3 years. Although I found it helpful to attend one meeting a week, read my literature and chair a meeting once a month, it was not until I searched for a Sponsor that I saw real change. I had to persevere because the first 3 people I asked said they were too busy, inexperienced, etc. But I wanted to grow. My Sponsor has helped me the past 2 years to take care of myself, detach with love from toxic family, and been a true friend. Now I go to 4 meetings a week and am… Read more »
I begrudgingly got a sponsor after hearing several times from a member/friend “Get yourself a sponsor!” I did and worked the steps with her. 12 years ago and often away from my home meetings we did the steps and used faxing when necessary. I am so grateful that today after 10 years, we attend the same meetings and I still have someone to emulate even if I am not struggling with an issue. She loves unconditionally and I continue to observe and learn from her.
I was never satisfied with what I call “traditional” sponsorship. I wanted to be able to figure it out for myself, but I couldn’t find anyone to teach me how, so I gave up. Since I didn’t have a good model, and my defects of character included intolerance and needing to be superior, I also was not a good sponsor. Ten years ago my Higher Power showed me a method of studying that to this day I’m grateful for. I’ve been changed into a kind, tolerant, patient sponsor. I have a personal relationship with my Higher Power. My sponsees have… Read more »
Hello,
I am new, and haven’t found a sponsor yet. I am looking for insight on this one…