Knowing that I was not alone, that other members of Al‑Anon were in the same situation as I was, struggling with the same disease, allowed me to deal with the shame and guilt associated with the disease. It also allowed me to share more easily and understand that, in asking others for help and in listening to their experience, strength, and hope, I was able to allow myself to shed some of my pain and begin to heal the hole in my heart.
Understanding that I was powerless over alcohol and its effects on my family allowed me to gain some sense of manageability in the home. I no longer felt that it was up to me to fix everything or that I was to blame for what was happening in our lives. I found that by accepting the situation as it was, I could find some sanity. I was no longer allowing obsessive thoughts to fill my every waking moment and every sleepless night. By understanding that I was powerless, I suddenly found I could sleep, and I had more time to do other things. I no longer sought refuge in my car, listening to the same song over and over again, crying all the time. I was finally able to function with sanity, hope, and manageability.
By Manette M., California
The Forum, February 2020
My son is now 39, and has been an alcoholic and addict for most of his late teens and adult life. He’s been in inpatient rehab 3 times that I know of. I moved to FL going on 3 years. He still lives in the area where he grew up. The last time I heard from him was 2 years ago Mother’s Day. His friend and room mate called me this afternoon to let me know that he (roommate) had sold his house and was closing at the end of the month. He asked my son to move out. He… Read more »
My daughter is in treatment, for drugs & alcohol, this is her 3rd relapse in 9 months, starting with in patient to intermediate inpatient to now in sober living. I had her assessment 3 days before my oldest son’s wedding last June. She disappeared that night after the reception. She stole from us, lied to us. In treatment we never dealt with it. In the last 7 months, I’ve lost both my parents, which in itself is overwhelming, but she relapsed the week of early November, before we came back to Mn and I was tending to Mom in hospice… Read more »
On my son’s 120 days sober, he came home with Jim Beam. He was 3 yrs into college, a DUI, car accident, TBI, severe depression, debilitating anxiety. Voluntarily went into rehab but feels like at 21 a lifetime of holidays, cookouts, camping, social outings seems nearly impossible…. after him crying, me crying, he came out handing me the alcohol… just for today. I’m sleep deprived and sad grieving for the confident bright-eyed guy I once had. In so many ways he’s dependent because of TBI depression anxiety therapeutically he’s he’s unable to live alone. Boundaries are hard to draw. I… Read more »
I’m a recovering alcoholic myself with 26 years sober. My #2 son is an addict and alcoholic. He just made it back to our hometown almost two years ago. He’s a nightmare. He has never lived with me but does keep most of his clothes here. He’s been staying with a girlfriend. She kicked him out again. When he is here, he’s like a runaway train. He tears things up and steals from me. He has a job but he is laid off right now. He owns nothing. No car, home, or anything. He wants to come back to my… Read more »
Hello I have been married to an alcoholic for 35 years. I tried everything that I have read about. I can no longer fix anything. I am powerless over alcohol. I no longer drink myself. I decided that I could not change my husband. But I could make changes of my own. This journey began as a lonely one. However it is changing for me. I still love my husband. However I do not like the disease.
I cannot continue to love and support my fiance with his addiction. I was in a 30 year marriage that ended because he would not get help for drugs and alcohol. My fiance knew this going in. I AM so mad at myself for not recognizing the signs sooner. He knows owes me over 5000 thousand dollars as I have been paying not only for him but his 2 girls when they come to visit for the weekend he makes twice as much money but I bought the place the groceries. I pay for all supplies. I pay for the… Read more »
Powerless that is a concept I had not even considered. I realize I cannot fix him. I want to be a better me.