Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we have Valentina with us. She is a member who is very actively involved in service for
Al-Anon Family Groups. Fear played a part in the experience that brought her to her first Al-Anon Family Group meeting.
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Living with alcoholism has been a lifelong reality for me. My stepfather is an alcoholic, whose violence has scarred me for life, and I am married to an alcoholic. I know exactly how to live with an alcoholic. I was groomed at an early age. I don’t consciously look for these dysfunctional relationships, but they find me. I have allowed them. My fear is, am I grooming my 7-year-old daughter to find herself a nice alcoholic too? My fear is that she sees how well, or not so well lately, I deal with his drunken antics, the withdrawal from the… Read more »
My husband has been going to AA for about 7 months, but has “fallen off the wagon” three times. He has been a functioning alcoholic for over the 41 years I have known/married him. He has also been taking vicodin, valium & antidepressants, but he swears he doesn’t take more than he should! The vicodin is for his back, which doesn’t bother him very often & I feel he should see a specialist to see if he truly needs it or something can be done for his back. However, he has & does drive with them in his system. He… Read more »
I have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years. I knew he drank, but never realized how much. It has gotten progressively worse over the past 2 years. He realized that he was going to lose the respect of me, his children and his family if he didn’t do something to help himself. He went to a 30-day rehab and did great. He has slipped up 3 times since he’s been home…once a week. I am fearful that he will just give up soon and start all over again. I cannot be with someone who does that. He started… Read more »
I have been married to an alcoholic and on/off again drug addict (mostly on) for 12 years. I have a wonderful 8-year-old daughter who is well aware of her father’s addiction. She plots and plans ways for him to stop. She is missing out on having fun and just being a kid and has school-related anxiety and stomachaches often. Just wanted to know if there is a way to live with this monster and keep myself and daughter healthy. He cycles through his use as he does some horrible thing, then is remorseful, quits, attempts controlled drinking which quickly escalates… Read more »
My best friend of 30+ years is a classic stage-3 alcoholic; he’s been drinking for 25 years. Alcohol consumes his life, and every time I see him he’s always running off at the mouth about the latest pub-crawl; the best new bars; always the same spiel. He’s a binge drinker and has carefully structured his life so that he sticks to a prescribed regimen; so much time for work, so much for sleep, and all the rest for visiting bars and pubs. At least I think that’s what he does. Truth to tell, I can’t stand to be with him… Read more »
First of all, thanks to all of you for sharing your stories. Second, may God Bless each of you. My son will discharge today from his second rehab stint and fear has me in its clutches. Every day I hear of more famous stars dying of the same drugs my son is addicted to. I tried to find a meeting today but will have to wait till tomorrow. But God helped direct me to this podcast and after reading all your comments and listening to the podcast, I feel so much better already. I am going to “stay in today”… Read more »
I thank all of you for sharing. I have a brother who has been a functional alcoholic for about 15 years. I just realized it, though, when he had a heart attack at the age of 56 and preferred drink to food after his bypass surgery in 1/2010. That is my fear too, that he may die. I don’t want to lose him. Yet, his personality is chaotic and stressful and is making me ill. I have blocked phone calls recently until I can cope with contact. Fortunately, he lives 4 hours away in another city; yet, like you all,… Read more »
Everyone above talks about being afraid. Where does the fear come from? The fear to leave may arise from a fear that the world out there is more dangerous than the life in your own home. “The devil you know…” This is one of the first times I have ever heard the honest words of other people who have had alcoholics in their homes or lives. I went to one Al-Anon meeting a few years ago. Everyone sat in a circle, stated some “beliefs” and then we went home. At the end of the meeting I asked why we weren’t… Read more »
My mother was an alcoholic and my father violent. My son who is 35 is now in rehab for alcoholism. I had a startling revelation last week. I have been living with or involved with alcoholics for 60 years. I am close to being paralyzed right now with fear and until I read this post. I really had no idea that it had to do with alcoholism and its effects on me. I do not know what to expect when my son leaves rehab, which personality he will display, or how he will act toward me. It has been a… Read more »
Well, now I’m even more confused. My doctor suggested that I try Al-Anon, but I’m not sure it is the right thing for me. Both my father and mother were alcoholics. They have both passed away. I am 48 years old, twice divorced. The first man that I married was an active alcoholic and has just passed away last year from the drinking. I’m not sure I should be going into all of this. This is my question, I have been suffering with anxiety and depression for most of my adult life. I do take medication and it helps, but… Read more »
I came to know that new level of fear when my alcoholic boyfriend took off–didn’t know where–along with alcohol and a whole bunch of medication. It was so hard for me to let him go and give him the freedom to make his own choices, however much it scared me. For three days I waited for a phone call from the police telling me they found his body. Instead, I got a call from him telling me he needed help. I told him he could come clean up at my place and then he could either go on his way… Read more »
I have been with an alcoholic for 16 months. I had never experienced a loved one who had a drinking problem. I know the fear so well. Last summer he almost OD’d twice! That did get his attention and he went on Antibuse (the alcohol pill) and almost had 7 months sober until this past week. He ran out of his pills about a week prior and didn’t tell anyone, and just thought he could have a few drinks after work and then drive my new car home. Didn’t make it home; flipped the car and had to be cut… Read more »
I think I’m finally facing the truth of my husband’s drinking. Every night and in the last 14 months only 8 days without alcohol and these were forced on him. The first time because I was so angry he missed an appointment at the hospital for our 5 week-old-baby (March 09) and a colleague took me. Husband was so guilty he stopped for a couple of days. Second time December 09 was when he had an operation to remove a lump from his mouth. Consultant warned him to cut down on drinking and smoking as the lump was pre-cancerous. Guess… Read more »
Find and attend all the Al-Anon meetings you can in your area. There you will hear from other members who have had many of the same experiences you are going through now. Tell them your concerns.
They will share their experiences – what worked for them and what didn’t. You will hear about choices, boundries, and causes – among many other things. If you keep coming back – you may learn as I have – how to take care of me.
I have learned a great deal about all of my emotions since I began attending Al-Anon meetings — especially about fear. I have learned to identify fear and how to move completely through fear to come out on the other side — to serenity. First, I must figure out when I am feeling fear, where I am feeling fear, and how I am feeling fear (tightness in stomach, rapid breathing, wanting to run, etc). My motivation to face my fears comes from the patterns I identified in my Al-Anon Fourth Step Inventory. I learned that when I am fearful, then… Read more »
Fear–I know it well. I have been with my fiance 5 years. We have full custody of his 2 children. One was 4 when we got him, the other 2. Now they are 8 and 5. I have been the only mother figure in their life. I love them with all my heart and can’t imagine life without them. Now what brings me to my point–their dad has a drinking problem. He is a wonderful provider and dad, but when he gets “on one” my house does not sleep. We don’t keep alcohol in the house, but as soon as… Read more »
Right now fear dominates my life. I have been married over 20 years and for the last 15 years to a functional alcoholic. It started with a couple of beers a couple of times a week and now it is every day. He goes to work ok, but as soon as he walks in the door at night he opens the first beer. On the days he does not work, he starts drinking before noon. I resent him so much and feel so much anger towards him. He has more days off than I do, yet I feel I do… Read more »
Fear is finally gone for me. Al-Anon was my first program and it saved my sanity. But as I grew in the program, my sponsor kindly shared a wonderful insight, “Some of us need both programs.” It was the first time that I had ever thought that MY drinking could be interfering with my Al-Anon program. I have been sober for 2 years now. Peace finally is in my heart that I now have Al-Anon and AA as part of my life. Both mean the world for me.
I appreciate everyone’s sharing. I wish to mention that, even though my father’s drinking was decades ago, and I’ve not attended Al-Anon meetings for about 10 years, all it takes is some major crisis to discover that the ‘crazy behavior’ (obsessing, isolating, etc.) I learned in my family of origin can erupt and cause trouble and pain for me even now, years later. Those old patterns can be quite compelling! I gotta get back to my Al-Anon meetings – the problem is that, medically, I am confined to home and don’t have any current contacts in my previous Al-Anon group.… Read more »
It has been too many years since I’ve been in the rooms and now am finding my way back, thanks to your sharing. My clue was the fear I felt in the pit of my stomach whenever I was with my daughter. It has been years since we lived with her alcoholic father (my husband) and I have since moved on to a wonderful relationship with a loving husband. Thought everything was good! But now my daughter is living with an active alcoholic and I witness that which I had lived through years ago. My fear for her well being… Read more »