Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Today we have Elizabeth with us. Elizabeth is an Al-Anon member and the mother of three sons.
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After listening to this podcast it is how I use my process of thinking that I realize it’s not my doing because I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure all that this disease brings to my alcoholic daughter. I will continue to attend my Al-Anon meetings weekly. I have hope for my granddaughters. I haven’t seen or heard their voices for a year and a half due to the active alcoholism. It hurts. I have not been invited or able to visit them for a year and a half.
Wow. I felt as if I was listening to myself. I’ve been attending Al-Anon meetings for a few months now, and it seems each day I find something else in my life that relates to a story or a Step from these meetings. It’s incredible to realize that my entire life (I met my husband at 19 and married him at 25…we are currently going through divorce/custody proceedings after 21 years of marriage) has been all about alcoholism. I made everything in our lives about him–covering up with co-workers, family, friends, our sons. I lost me. It took ME hitting… Read more »
All the stories sound so familiar. My fiance’ has a functioning alcoholic son who now lives in his own apartment but is always at his dad’s house. His father is still enabling him much to my dismay, and he knows he isn’t helping him but he does it anyway. I get so frustrated. His father takes care of his dog, claiming he has shift work so he can’t do what he needs to take care of the dog. I say he needs to get rid of the dog. I have stopped walking the dog with my fiance’ because I feel… Read more »
It was really good to hear you. I am a child of 2 alcoholics. I thought when I had my 2 children I was going to do it different. Now I know control is one of the symptoms of this disease. I passed on everything I learned and didn’t learn from living in an alcoholic home. There were no tools. Everything was a secret and you didn’t talk about what was going on, so when I got married and became a rage-aholic I didn’t know what was wrong. Why couldn’t I fix everything and everyone? Then I found Al-Anon and… Read more »
Hi, I am a product of an alcoholic and end up hurt many times, since I only attract drinkers and abusers. And I truly don’t know why. I’ll be 50 this month and have one child at home, who will be 18 soon. She is disabled. My continued magnetism to all the wrong ones has ended. I’m accepting the alone status for sanity reasons. It has effected my children, from my two oldest hating me to not allowed to see my grandchildren, since I have rules like no drinks or drugs allowed at my house. Genetics has to play a… Read more »
I have finally admitted to myself that my husband is an alcoholic. I have swept so many things under the rug, trying to keep the family together–thinking it is best to live with Mom and Dad, to live in a house where I am always to blame for his drinking and bad behaviors, his sneaking out of the house or starting a fight so he can leave and go to the bar. Staying out all night. If I didn’t badger him. I’m just having fun. I don’t want to be miserable like you. What’s the difference, 1 beer or 9.… Read more »
Because my husband found sobriety when our children were fairly young, I wanted to believe that they had not been affected by the disease of alcoholism in our home. What I didn’t fully understand then was that alcoholism is a family illness, one that can be passed from generation to generation regardless of whether or not there is the presence of alcohol and alcohol use or abuse within the home. I wasn’t even aware that the “-isms” were present in my own childhood home; my parents didn’t drink alcohol, and yet the fact that my mother was raised with active… Read more »
Elizabeth’s story seems to be mine to a T. I haven’t been to Al-Anon, but I have been to AA with my husband a few times. My husband is an alcoholic/addict who through the court system, after his first DUI, was forced into treatment. He has now been in treatment and clean and sober for almost 90 days. I am just now learning how Al-Anon can help me and am thankful for this type of meeting online.
I am fortunate that I have been an Al-Anon member for almost 4 years. It took a very long time for me to go to Al-Anon because I thought when my husband got sober (6yrs) he was therefore ‘solved’. Yeah, I was very wrong. Elizabeth’s story is very similar to my own and I appreciate her open and honest sharing. To this day it’s one day at a time. Thank you. The podcasts are an excellent way to connect with the wider world and I will encourage my fellowship members here in Christchurch, New Zealand, to log on. Yours in… Read more »
My son is back using again after being clean 11 months. He has been in and out of treatment for the last 5 years. During the time he was clean my mom and I co-signed a loan for a car for my son and furniture. What a big mistake that was. He abandoned the car downtown while using again and sold a t.v. that was worth $1,000.00. and he did not own the t.v. He has not even made one payment on the t.v. It’s gone. My mom and I are in debt thousands of dollars now. I helped pay… Read more »
I sponsor an Alateen meeting in Florida. Alcoholism is a family disease and it effects
all family members. Al-Anon has given me hope and a better way of living. The teens have shown me courage by coming to their meeting and taught me how to be truthful. They are a blessing.
This was my first time here online. My boss has lent me the Courage to Change book. I keep it in my purse and refer to it often for serenity and hope. I am married to an alcoholic and I have 3 children and a grandson. They are my children from a previous marriage. I left my husband for months because of his drinking, lying, cheating , verbal abuse, violent outbursts and irresponsibilities. He ended up in jail for a year and during that time I was right there for him. Visited him 3 times a week, sent him money,… Read more »
My son has been in and out of treatment for the last five years. He is my only son, an adult child of an alcoholic–his dad. He has been clean for 11 months. I know because he has lived with me. December 1st he moved on his own and left all his AA material here. To my knowledge he has not been to a meeting since he moved. His behavior is like when he was using drugs–asking for money and keeping his phone off. I spoke to my sponsor (I thank God every day she is in my life) with… Read more »
My gosh…I felt like you were talking about my life…my feelings, and listening to this has really helped. I am going to go to my first meeting tonight.
My husband has been clean for seven months. He was a pharmacist before he got addicted to pharmaceutical drugs. He lost his job a year ago and almost went to jail. He was charged with 2 felonies and lost his drivers license for 3 years. We cannot appeal it until May 2010, when he has served 1/2 of the revocation of his license. He does not seem to understand how much chaos and stress he has put on me. Trying to work full time and get the kids to all the sports and dancing every week has really taken a… Read more »
Thank you, Elizabeth, for the podcast. I know I need to go to Al-Anon meetings. My husband is an alcoholic and addict. I understand when you said you feel miserable. I feel like my life revolves around his disease. We have four children, and my life should revolve around them. They should make me so happy and they do until my husband drinks, does drugs, or worse is when he wants to and he picks a fight with me so as to have an excuse to use. I get screwed no matter what. I want so bad to learn to… Read more »
My husband is an active alcoholic in denial. The beginning of this podcast was almost as if the woman was speaking the thoughts in my head. He’s told me outright the drinking is my fault–but he was doing it some before we met, so it can’t be. He makes me and the kids feel like we’re a burden and annoy him. He yells, wastes hundreds of dollars a month, won’t shower or brush his teeth for a week while bingeing, and shows no sign of truly wanting to stop. He sometimes says he wants to stop–but then sometimes says he’s… Read more »
My husband has a drinking problem. He admits it, but he hasn’t made any effort to stop drinking. When he doesn’t drink, he is really great to be around. He says it’s hereditary from his father. Is that true? I really want to get some answers, because it’s really tearing my family apart. My 11-year-old hates his dad when he drinks. When he doesn’t, he really likes to be around his dad. I really want to get some help for our son and me. We need to learn to help his dad to stop drinking. He has an older son… Read more »
I don’t know where to start. My husband says he has been clean for eight months, but I still can’t stand him. I found out he was a heroin addict just after I had my son. I knew he was addicted to pain meds before. I didn’t know what addiction was. I thought that going once to detox and rehab would get rid of it, sort of like the flu. How naive I was! How stupid! Anyway, we have a beautiful, smart, healthy boy. My husband wants to come back home, but I don’t want him to. He tells me… Read more »
Hello. My name is Ann. I married an alcoholic in 1972. Many times in the middle of the night I feared for my life. I was 20 years old when we had our baby, Ryan. Often when my husband came home from drinking, if he could not get a reaction from me he would go to Ryan’s room and wake up our son. One night I caught him throwing him in the air like a football. I flipped out. Now I know it was the wrong thing to do. Finally I got the baby in my arms and left the… Read more »