“The one thing I really learned was not to feel sorry for the alcoholic.”
I spent most of my time wondering and worrying about my son. What was he up to now?
I wouldn’t sleep soundly, waiting to hear him arrive home safely. When he moved out, there were hard feelings. I’d still wonder about him. I’d cry. I’d jump whenever he called.
Today I still have a long way to go, but I find that Al Anon fortifies me with courage. I work at getting through today—and I don’t worry about my son. I still feel sad…especially when I think about my daughter-in-law and granddaughter. I see my son trying his best, but I see the downward spiral that alcohol can bring. I don’t cry anymore for my son. Rather, my concern goes to my daughter-in-law and granddaughter. I try to focus on myself.
I have come to realize that alcohol made me hide feelings and sad memories of growing up, that alcoholic patterns continue on, and that this disease can be brutal. But the one thing I really learned was not to feel sorry for the alcoholic.
I have learned to respond differently to the effects of my son’s drinking. When things go wrong I don’t jump anymore. I don’t try to resolve his problems. I don’t try to help him mend the consequences of drinking. I think he may come to realize his alcohol problems if he learns to deal with them himself.
Instead of reacting to my son’s disease, I give love to the baby, and pray to my Higher Power for the courage to carry on each new day. I’m glad I came to Al-Anon.
By Dianne, Ontario
I have been attending meetings for a year. I am a grandmother and my husband drank. I do not own or accuse him of alcoholism. He does not even do little things I ask. Al-Anon helped me to “Live and Let Live” with him. However, my daughter has been struggling after the loss of her son, a divorce, the loss of her house, and a new young man in her life with whom she had a second granddaughter. The first was with her original husband. She is able to keep a job and mothers when she can. She is easily… Read more »
I have not been to a meeting in over a year and I didn’t realize how much I missed it until recently. My daughter recently celebrated 1 year sober, and of course we are very proud of her. She has gotten her children, 2 smaller ones, a little girl 2 and a half, and a little boy soon to be 9, with Cerebral Palsy. He is not in a wheel chair, but has disabilities. I am struggling with how to help, to the extent of getting an apartment here, close to her to help with the kids. I am already… Read more »
Nice thank you I will do that too in your last sentence thanks.
Hello. I am new to all this. Trying to understand what I can do and what not to do. My grandchildren are affected.
Thank you for being there.
I am new to forum and my wife and I went to first meeting. We are grandparents of two beautiful boys 9 and 10. They are in hell. Our son is a very bright successful professional who is an alcoholic and other substance abuser. His wife is crazed and we want to get her to a meeting. We are worried sick over the boys. We care for our son but he has problems with anger and because he is successful, he is in denial.. we are looking for answers to keep our sanity and hope alive for the future of… Read more »
New to this – just found this forum today. Have an alcoholic son with 3 beautiful children. While I suspected there were problems it is only recently that his girlfriend confided in me as to what goes on when he drinks.(Wild mood swings, erratic behavior, storming around the house angry, etc. ) I do not feel sorry for him – am past that. I do live in fear of him refusing me access to my grandkids when he has custody if I push him on anything. I am the only constant in those kids lives – I have been there… Read more »
has anyone seen the article in the back of an Alanon Forum called “the lasting effects of Alcoholism?” I would love to read it online. Thank you
Beth
Thank you for the wisdom. I was feeling sorry but am praying instead.
Grandparents can get visitation through the courts when your child no longer has custody. It’s worth looking into.
My stepdaughter who I raised from age 8 is now 26 and has been an alcoholic for a decade. She has a perfect 18 month old girl whom my wife and I love beyond measure. My daughter’s drinking has cost her jobs, cars and relationships. Last Friday her boyfriend beat on her. Thankfully the baby was with her Dad who is not a great guy but sober and seems to love his daughter. My daughter is under court order NOT to drink around the baby but she does periodically. After her boyfriend went to jail for beating my daughter I… Read more »
My grandkids are going through a bitter divorce and both parents have issues of alcohol or drugs or prescription meds. I cry now because the alcoholic father has the girls has left many bruises on them and CPS did nothing because the kids lie to cops and cps. I feel so helpless. The girls are under great stress. Lots of dysfunctional ways as the father has a new fiancé who also has drinking issue. So now 4 kids suffer. They tell me they don’t get to eat and the parents sleep all day. I’m not sure where to go next.… Read more »
Thank you this is helpful!