Finding a productive path to help my grandchildren

“The one thing I really learned was not to feel sorry for the alcoholic.”

I spent most of my time wondering and worrying about my son. What was he up to now?
I wouldn’t sleep soundly, waiting to hear him arrive home safely. When he moved out, there were hard feelings. I’d still wonder about him. I’d cry. I’d jump whenever he called.

Today I still have a long way to go, but I find that Al Anon fortifies me with courage. I work at getting through today—and I don’t worry about my son. I still feel sad…especially when I think about my daughter-in-law and granddaughter. I see my son trying his best, but I see the downward spiral that alcohol can bring. I don’t cry anymore for my son. Rather, my concern goes to my daughter-in-law and granddaughter. I try to focus on myself.

I have come to realize that alcohol made me hide feelings and sad memories of growing up, that alcoholic patterns continue on, and that this disease can be brutal. But the one thing I really learned was not to feel sorry for the alcoholic.

I have learned to respond differently to the effects of my son’s drinking.  When things go wrong I don’t jump anymore. I don’t try to resolve his problems. I don’t try to help him mend the consequences of drinking. I think he may come to realize his alcohol problems if he learns to deal with them himself.

Instead of reacting to my son’s disease, I give love to the baby, and pray to my Higher Power for the courage to carry on each new day. I’m glad I came to Al-Anon.

By Dianne, Ontario

2017-07-26T17:58:39+00:00June 29, 2016|Categories: Alcoholic Child, Grandchildren|


  1. Beth November 2018 at 10:37 pm

    has anyone seen the article in the back of an Alanon Forum called “the lasting effects of Alcoholism?” I would love to read it online. Thank you

  2. Anonymous November 2018 at 10:24 pm

    Thank you for the wisdom. I was feeling sorry but am praying instead.

  3. Therese W. March 2018 at 9:16 am

    Grandparents can get visitation through the courts when your child no longer has custody. It’s worth looking into.

  4. Scott January 2018 at 12:04 am

    My stepdaughter who I raised from age 8 is now 26 and has been an alcoholic for a decade. She has a perfect 18 month old girl whom my wife and I love beyond measure. My daughter’s drinking has cost her jobs, cars and relationships. Last Friday her boyfriend beat on her. Thankfully the baby was with her Dad who is not a great guy but sober and seems to love his daughter.
    My daughter is under court order NOT to drink around the baby but she does periodically. After her boyfriend went to jail for beating my daughter I went to the baby daddy and advised him of my concerns about the baby’s safety. I also spoke to my daughter (again) about how her alcoholism is hurting her child. After my conversation my daughter called the baby daddy and he now has my granddaughter.
    I have not told my wife (who enables) or daughter that I talked to the baby daddy. Now I feel guilt for doing so but firmly believe that the baby is in a safe place until my daughter stops drinking.
    It is so true that alcoholism ruins families. There is a custody heaing tomorrow and more than likely all will come out and my wife will blame me for our diminished time spent with our little Angel. WHAT A MESS!

  5. Kat September 2017 at 6:50 pm

    My grandkids are going through a bitter divorce and both parents have issues of alcohol or drugs or prescription meds. I cry now because the alcoholic father has the girls has left many bruises on them and CPS did nothing because the kids lie to cops and cps. I feel so helpless. The girls are under great stress. Lots of dysfunctional ways as the father has a new fiancé who also has drinking issue. So now 4 kids suffer. They tell me they don’t get to eat and the parents sleep all day. I’m not sure where to go next. Our daughter has kidney disease and is making very poor decisions and a pain De for management. She lost the girls due to a DUI . The poor little girls. They are victims.

  6. Paula August 2017 at 12:08 pm

    Thank you this is helpful!

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