My son was an alcoholic who had lost seven jobs in six years. I worried about him from the time I woke up until restless sleep overtook me. One night at about 2 am, I saw an ad that asked, “Does someone else’s drinking affect you?” I felt electrified. When I made my way to my first Al‑Anon meeting, in the darkness I saw a welcoming sign—“Al‑Anon meeting at 8pm.” The people there made me feel at home; they did not judge me. When the time came for sharing, I was amazed. They were speaking my story! I felt that a huge load was lifted off my shoulders. I liked the fact that everyone there was a real person who faced the problem of alcoholism with courage and dignity. I felt supported and cared for, and I have been back every week since then. What a wonderful, life-saving program. Finally, I was home.
By Joe T., Ontario
The Forum, November 2018
I am the mother of an adult son who is a recovering alcoholic who is unemployed. I need help in leaning from others how to deal with his anger and unwillingness to look at options.
This i s great post. I have read so much here that helps me with my fear and worry. Thank you all.
My 27 year old son, my only child, has battled crippling anxiety and depression for 10 years. He is also a cancer survivor; it will be five years cancer-free this year. He is smart, kind, quietly funny and generous, but years and years of self-medicating with alcohol and opioids has left him jobless, friendless, and all of his family relationships are severely strained. He lives with me and my spouse currently. After spending a month in a very expensive rehab facility, he is now in another one after only two weeks. My spouse (who is childless by choice) has had… Read more »
My son is dual diagnosis-bipolar and alcoholic. He was recently hospitalized after a serious suicide attempt via a lithium overdose. He has been self medicating with alcohol for years and this was not addressed at all in his treatment plan. I have been enabling him for years and now I am afraid that if I detach he will kill himself. I am planning to attend my first AL Anon meeting tomorrow but I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has had a similar experience.
thanks for the 5 G’s comment. it is hard as a parent to let god handle. i need to have faith that god has a plan and that my son will find god’s love, forgiveness and peace.
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I have read comments and hear my story over and over. My adult 24yr old lives with us at this time because he can not hold down a job for more then 3 months. It is always someone elses fault. I am at my limit and my relationship with my oldest adult child is suffering, my marriage of 28 yrs is suffering. I have found a meeting for support next week so I am looking forward to getting some advice because I know the Tough Love approach is in the horizon. I hope I am strong enough to follow through… Read more »
My daughter is 40- she went into treatment for alcohol a month ago and was released last Tuesday. She worked the plan for 48 hours and after that I believe she began to drink again….I am heartbroken. I told her I cannot do this anymore. Her sister died of a drug overdose 20 years ago…and this is her second trip to rehab for alcohol. I came to this site looking for an open meeting or phone number, but was unsuccessful. Reading the accounts of other parents is helping me to move forward with my day.
What do you do when you stop helping your alcoholic son. What do you do if he can no longer support himself and he’s out in the street? Do you do anyting to help him?
My youngest son is 38. He is an alcoholic and drug addict. He is not in any program. He currently lives with his girlfriend who I believe has alcohol issue too,. He is on welfare, does not work and is in an adult education course. Because of Alanon, the Steps,my Sponsor and a belief as shaky as it is sometimes in my Higher Power, I have been able to detach with love. (DETACH. Don’t Even Think About Changing Him/Her) I have accepted him as he is and have put the focus on me and my life. I try one day… Read more »
My son is an alcoholic who just went into treatment voluntarily after a family intervention. We knew he was struggling with alcohol due to his behaviors, but we did not know the extent it was affecting him physically (high ammonia levels and low magnesium, and high blood pressure) and he had to be medically detoxed and treated at the hospital before he could start Recovery. He gets out in 10 days – he’s been evicted from his home and has nowhere to go at this point. We as a family are trying to do the right thing for him –… Read more »
I’m so exhausted by this disease. My daughter has struggled with alcoholism for years. She now lives with me. I am fearful for her and often fearful of her. Alcoholism is killing us both. My only respite is Al-Anon. I wouldn’t have any sanity without this group and the knowledge, support, love and friendship I have found there. My other friends and family have lots of opinion and advice but they just don’t understand.
We had told our 40 year old son that we would continue to pay his rent if he did the recommended rehab program and doctors appointments to treat his depression and bipolar. Sadly he left the rehab program after three days. I think we have to follow through on not paying his rent anymore. I’m afraid he will use this as an excuse to commit suicide…
My adult son is an alcoholic. I am lost, numb, scared, broken and a prisoner to his addiction. I am a prisoner to my phone – always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I just started Al-Anon, my daughter, who is 30, texts me when she wants something, makes me feel bad and blames me for everything when things go wrong. She lives by herself in her own apartment. She works a full time job and pays her own bills. My question is, is it ok to say “no, I’m not going to spend time with you today”. I’m afraid she will hurt herself. She is always telling me how depressed and sad she is, crying every night. How far do I go to help her out? Then other days it is “don’t… Read more »
My son is an alcoholic and uses alcohol to mask anxiety and depression. He was in the hospital for 10 days and he is now in intensive outpatient care. I could not sleep at night as I would wake up crying and very restless because I am so worried about him. I decided I need to take care of myself after getting into a bad argument with my new boss! I realized my home life was starting to really affect me too. I am in counseling myself and my doctor prescribed meds for my anxiety. She wants me to find… Read more »
As I have heard in an Alanon meeting the 5Gs: Get off their back, get out of their way, go to a meeting, get into yourself, give him to God. I gotta remember this often!
i have heard about this . and i have read your post .and i understand fully as i am going through the same thing my son is a alcoholic. and had been in recovery for 4 weeks now . i am struggling now. hes gone in before i was holing it together .trying to make him better but realise now i could not help him ..