Family members worry about how much someone drinks Welcome to First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking. Today we’re going to ask Al-Anon members if they ever worried about how much someone else drank. How to locate a meeting https://media.blubrry.com/alanon_recovery/content.blubrry.com/alanon_recovery/Family-members-worry.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Google Podcasts Al-Anon2017-07-28T09:04:45-04:00Categories: Alateen, Alcoholic Child, Alcoholic Parent, Alcoholic Sibling, Alcoholic Spouse or Partner, Grandchildren|18 Comments Share This Post, Choose Your Platform! FacebookTwitterRedditLinkedInWhatsAppTumblrPinterestVkXingEmail Subscribe Notify of new follow-up comments new replies to my comments Label What happens next? All comments enter moderation, which may take up to ten business days. Al‑Anon does not offer counseling or advice. We invite you to visit our Meetings page to find an in‑person meeting in your area or try an electronic meeting where you can connect with Al‑Anon members who can share their experience with you. For any other inquiries, please email wso@al‑anon.org Moderators may edit comments according to Al‑Anon Policy to remove personally identifiable information to protect anonymity, as well as remove derogatory language or statements that are inflammatory or unrelated. Moderators reserve the right to not publish comments that do not adhere to Al‑Anon's Traditions and spiritual principles, such as comments that may draw Al‑Anon into controversy. First Name Email Δ Label What happens next? All comments enter moderation, which may take up to ten business days. Al‑Anon does not offer counseling or advice. We invite you to visit our Meetings page to find an in‑person meeting in your area or try an electronic meeting where you can connect with Al‑Anon members who can share their experience with you. For any other inquiries, please email wso@al‑anon.org Moderators may edit comments according to Al‑Anon Policy to remove personally identifiable information to protect anonymity, as well as remove derogatory language or statements that are inflammatory or unrelated. Moderators reserve the right to not publish comments that do not adhere to Al‑Anon's Traditions and spiritual principles, such as comments that may draw Al‑Anon into controversy. First Name Email Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. 18 Comments Newest Oldest Inline Feedbacks View all comments Dianne 6 years ago I have always been the sober one. My family didn’t and doesn’t drink. I just wasn’t raised that way. Of course I went through the drinking years in my youth, but it got old fast. Then I met my ex- husband and was on the roller coaster ride of my life, not knowing what to do. I had two little girls and when the youngest was just three, I left him and got divorced. I raised my girls, not totally alcohol free, but in moderation, after I was now single. But the girls did visit their father every other weekend… Read more » Sherri M 6 years ago I am very concerned about my son. He is getting married in one week to a beautiful girl that came from a home where both parents were alcoholics. Her mom left her to be raised by her alcoholic father. He’s been sober for the past 10 years. Her mom is still drinking, and their relationship is limited and the mother can’t make it to the wedding. My concern is this. My son has a few beers once in awhile not even once a month, and when he does this young women gets outraged! but she allows herself to drink whenever… Read more » Lissa 7 years ago I met this man when I was 14 and he was 21. I was his first girlfriend. We married and remained together for 5 years. 32 years later, we reconnected and reunited way too fast! I left everything for this man. He left everything for himself, but just doesn’t want to see it. I suppose I thought it would be seemingly romantic to start where we left off. Realizing I wish I left my memories just as that, memories! His parents were drinkers. My mother and family were drinkers. I even had issues in my early 40’s for a short… Read more » Kris 7 years ago I came to Al-Anon over 20 years ago, when my ex-husband could not stop drinking and it was making me crazy. I was afraid how all this would affect our 2-year-old daughter. As I recovered in the program, the whole family situation improved, even if he kept drinking. 3 years later I could leave him on friendly terms. Now our daughter is 23 and has the disease of alcoholism. I fear for her life. I try to use every tool in the program to cope: meetings, Al-Anon literature, talks with my sponsor and other members, service in the program, you… Read more » Lisa B 7 years ago My dad has always liked a drink, but since my step mum passed away two years ago my dad’s drinking is out of control. It’s a constant worry now that he is on his own. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I got a phone call from my brother tonight to tell me that my dad had fallen trying to get into the house. My brother has had to put him to bed and sit and wait until he falls asleep. My dad’s neighbours told my brother that my dad is coming in drunk every night. I phone… Read more » Samantha D 8 years ago I feel as though I have been dating two people for the last seven years. One with amazing memories, fun times and a deep connection. The other an incoherent drunk who needs more and more care until he needs drugs to come off the alcohol. The reality is that it is one really nice person, who happens to be alcoholic. I recognise the emotional roller-coaster comments, the blame, the never knowing, the ‘taking care’, the hiding, but most of all I recognise the misery that the sober one goes through. As I write this, it is 10 days before Christmas.… Read more » Kathy 8 years ago This topic really hit home with me. I actually never realized the extent of the drinking my partner was involved with. I was running around trying to control everything, trying to hide it from other people, etc. Until now I never considered focusing on myself and not fixing other people. These podcasts are very helpful. I hope I come to a place where I can actully start going to Al-Anon meetings. I keep making up excuses and never finding the perfect meeting at the perfect time. I’m going to keep trying, even just listening to these podcasts is helping. Antonia L. 9 years ago Hi, This is my first time on this site and I am glad that I am not the only one struggling with someone with alcohol issues. I am 26 years old and he is 29 years old, so we are young. We have a 4-year-old daughter. I have been married for about 5 years to my husband and known him for 7 years. When I met him, he had an alcohol and anger problem. However, after a year it disappeared. The alcoholism addiction returned and it is getting out of control. I am worried for his life. Machelle G 10 years ago My qualifier is my husband who has been sober since April 21, 2013 without a program. Every day I feel as if I’m waiting for the drunk Rob to walk in the house. I try to leave it up to God, but sometimes it’s so hard for me to let go and remember I am not responsible for his actions. I am trying my hardest to change my way of thinking, to remember that I cannot control the alcoholic. It’s difficult. Karen 10 years ago I can’t stand even the smell of alcohol anymore. It comes thru my husband’s skin pores as well as his plastered lips. I’m so sick of beating this dead horse–never violently, but mentally, just looking at his fish-eyed face, staggering like half of his head is weighted down. If I dare ask how many he has had, it’s an argument. The same one always–“Oh my GOD, Karen, are you kidding? I’m fine, you just hate anything to do with alcohol because your dad was a drunk. He’s right too, I do hate it and I hate him. I have to… Read more » Mary G. 10 years ago Hi. Thanks for sharing. I am very new in Al-Anon, and all this time I thought something was wrong with me, as far as my husband passing out in any place besides with me, and in that I felt he was drinking to cover up negative feelings towards me. Even being new in Al-Anon, I have already learned that he does indeed love me and his alcoholism is not my fault. It would be like my giving him diabetes or some other illness, if you know what I mean. Hang in there. I have to learn to Let Go and… Read more » Paola 10 years ago I met Brian a year and a half ago. We were classmates, then we began dating. I am 44 and divorced with 2 kids, Danny 12 and Julia 9. Brian is 40, recently retired from 20 years in the Air Force, legally separated from his wife, who used to be an addict of both drugs and alcohol. I never noticed him drinking before, but as soon as he started staying with me and the kids more often, I saw him drinking in the am. I am at a point in this relationship that I am not sure I can handle… Read more » Darl 10 years ago I never dated an active alcoholic before. I dated a fellow once, 30 years back, who drank in his past but was sober for 10 plus years ongoing. This is only the second I have had any relationship with, and the first who was drinking. Anyway, I knew this fellow when I was 12 and remembered how sweet he was then–the only reason I agreed to date him now. I am now in my 50s and we reconnected and began dating. He never was drunk flying to visit me in another state, but binged when he got home. He really… Read more » lue 10 years ago My daughter, 34 yrs old, drinks daily. She has 2 kids – it breaks my heart to see them emotionally turned off. My daughter and I used to be so close – now we barely talk. My heart is breaking and I do not know how to separate the pain of her drinking and what it is doing to my baby grands and my day to day reactions – especially emotionally. I am not allowed to ‘help’ because according to her, there is no problem. Rita 10 years ago I had been married nearly 25 years and watched my husband’s disease progressively get worse. The holidays were a perfect excuse to drink, and I spent all that time trying to figure out how I could have some influence, “control”. Meanwhile the rest of the family were celebrating the holiday that I totally missed out on. It was extremely difficult to gain the courage I needed to free myself from the alcoholic. After a year and a half in Al-Anon, I made this difficult decision. Al-Anon helped me to value myself. I started to “grow up”. Getting a sponsor who… Read more » Dianne 10 years ago I’ve been married to my husband for 24 years and totally hear what was said about broken for a long time and he doesn’t get it. Was thrown in jail a year ago and was sober for a year but became obsessed with me instead and so controlling, let him back in way too early. Now he’s back to drinking and even worse. I am scared of him. Having to make some decision, I don’t even know where to start. Natalie B. 10 years ago I never experienced drinking like my Husband drinks. Although he doesn’t think there is a problem, I do. We have two children and after 12 years, and growing questions and concerns, it is becoming apparent that the situation will not change. I have so many hard decisions to make, and my heart is broken. Although it has been broken for some time now, the crack seems deeper and colder and harder to ignore. Janet M 10 years ago I came from an alcoholic father and also married an alcoholic, been married for 12 years. He is my first love. I am 49, been with him since I was 21 years old. We also have a 12-year-old son with A.D.D.