My husband didn’t drink when we married, but somehow that all changed. I knew nothing about alcoholism, so I was in denial for many years. Beer led to wine, wine was accompanied by vodka, and then scotch was included. Fortunately, my husband was able to function and provide for his family. But I began to see my life becoming unmanageable. Every night he fell into bed zonked. He became someone I could not reason with, and he became threatening. I called my close friends and shared with them because I didn’t know where else to turn. Before I knew it, I was paying $350 an hour for a divorce lawyer. I didn’t want a divorce; I wanted to get him help.
We separated, and things got ugly. I began seeing a therapist, who guided me to Al‑Anon. I took my life back and made my own choices. In the end, my husband and I reconciled, and I chose not to divorce him. I hoped for the bright future my husband painted for us. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen. However, with the help of Al‑Anon, I have tools, my marriage, and my sanity. I learned how to be happy despite my husband’s choices. I was no longer willing to play the part of a victim or a martyr. It’s been 30 years now. Although he does not participate in A.A., my husband has been sober for several years. More importantly, I’m where I choose to be. I take care of myself, making choices that work for me today. I have a peaceful life with friends who share my beliefs and program. I couldn’t ask for better. Al‑Anon’s wisdom, hope, understanding, and encouragement keep me from drowning in a sea of insanity.
By Jean C., Florida
The Forum, April 2020
Hi my husband gets drunk everynight and I can’t deal no more.
This could be written by me. I love my husband but so many layers of hurt and sadness, anger and resentment. I don’t know how to get back to the intimacy and that seems to be all He does not want to stop drinking or go to therapy or get any help. I feel like I don’t get to make choices but everyone else in my house gets to make theirs. so frustrating. Thank you for sharing your story.
I have a 25 yr old daughter who is an alcoholic. Actively drinking and my life has become almost completely surrounded and affected by this. It’s constant stress and fighting with her. The rest of my kids hardly can stand having her around and it’s heart breaking in one way but I find myself hating her most days. I spend most days trying to get her to NOT lose her job and it’s exhausting. At my wits end. I’m wondering if Al-Anon can help me a little. I tried it once when she was little and I was married to… Read more »
This post has taken me many many months to get the courage to write. I have never reached out to anyone before in regards to my husband’s drinking. He is unfortunately the product of poor parenting with drug and alcohol addictions, military warfare and life’s hardships. I have tried many times to learn about alcoholism, because I am not an addict of any kind and never have been. I have no idea how to relate. We have been married for just shy of 10 years. We have built what I thought would be “end game” but he gets into these… Read more »
This is my first time to post on this website. My husband and I have been married 30+ years. Two years ago (after the death of his father, after our oldest daughter’s divorce from a drunk abuser and her pregnancy from a random guy she ended up marrying, and after our youngest daughter left for college), he started drinking. It is almost 11 a.m. on Labor Day. He woke up (after getting completely plastered before bed last night) a little over an hour ago and is now completely drunk again. I have no idea what to do. We both have… Read more »
My partner has done a lot to try and change his drinking. He hit rock bottom when on a drunken night he cheated. But now that is has been 3 months, he’s starting to see the same bad friends again, make the same poor choices, and he’s starting to stop going to A.A and counselling. I feel so hopeless and lost. I want to leave but it hurts just as much as staying in this relationship and I want my future to be with him. I’m all over the place with my thoughts and my emotions. I know I deserve… Read more »
I am new to all of this… 26 and my husband and I have been married for 5 years (together for 10). He was sober when we married, and had went 6 years before relapsing a few years ago. He will go 2 or 3 weeks without drinking and then binge drink. When he’s not drinking, he’s drinking bottles of Nyquil because he thinks he can hide it from me and it gets him drunk. At most, he goes a few days without doing anything. We also have a one year old son and this is all so devastating to… Read more »
I’m 65 years old. I just divorced my husband of 41 years. He drinks a case of beer a day and chases it with liquor. I tried everything to get him to stop. He is in denial. I don;t know how to move on. It is nice to not have the physical and verbal abuse anymore. I still love him but couldn’t take it anymore. I deserve better.
Thank you. Glad to hear you are doing what is best for you.
I’m very broken right now. I had no choice but to place an order of protection on my husband and they escorted him out on Tuesday morning. He didn’t harm me, however, with is drinking and weapons in the house, I felt threatened. I heard he is now in a 5 day detox but not wanting to do any more than that. I’m trying to take this time away to work on me and my 2 teenage boys. I’m just so sad for my husband. When he gets out of detox…I know I just cannot let him back yet and… Read more »
Wonderful for you….if it worked for you, it will work for me, too. Thank you for the words of encouragement!
Today is my first nite not being home. I moved out with the kids. Hoping my husband will open his eyes and see things need to change. I can’t help him no more he has to do it himself. I don’t want to lose my family but this is the only option I had left. I started working nite and it was just getting worse. My husband is very ugly to me when he drinks. To name calling and even some time putting his hands on me. I may sound crazy but I still love him and hope we can… Read more »
My husband has finally decided to go to inpatient rehab after 15 years of drinking. He would detox and stop on his own for a couple of months here and there but nothing has lasted. I’m hoping and praying he will learn the tools needed to change his way of life. I can not live with him being an alcoholic. We have 3 children under 10 and they have already heard and seen so much. I don’t want to get my hopes up because I’m not sure if this will be his cure all or if he will take it… Read more »
I’m new to all this. I had no idea Al-Anon was a thing till recently. I have been with my husband for 31 years. I was 16 when we started dating. Married at 22, he was not a drinker. Fast forward 3 years after marriage and he has mastered the art of the drink. He worked hard at becoming a drinker. He never held the alcohol well and often was sick and swore he wasn’t drinking anymore, except he did. He continued hanging with the same few friends who had drinking problems and encouraged drinking. He drank for years, everyday,… Read more »
My wife has been an alcohol abuser for 10 yrs, drunk every night, till last year I said we can’t afford this. So now its every weekend. There’s no stopping till the bottles are empty.
My son is drunk every single night. He is at rock bottom when sober or partly drunk. He’s a grown adult living with me, 4 months away from graduating college at least before the virus!
He believes it’s not an “alcohol problem… alcohol is a band-aid for the reason he’s sad!”
I have encouraged him to call AA but hasn’t happened.
I KNOW there is nothing I can say or do (or else it would have been done by now).
This isolation is adding to the pressure!
I feel the pressure squeezing this balloon!
I also watched someone I cared about change over time self-medicating with alcohol and prescription drugs. What happened to me was partly just simple aging, one of life’s changes. I was always a caretaker but it wasn’t always a problem. I was a nurse all my adult life and did it well. I was a single parent and today I have a good relationship with my children (who presently have me grounded). So I retired from work; my children are grown, even my granddaughter is grown; and seeing my friend going down the tubes of use and abuse, I tried… Read more »
My story is similar. I’ve been married for 43 years, my spouse is an active drinker and I’m celebrating 4 years of Al-Anon membership. The Covid 19 crisis has created new challenges and I have found I’m losing ground. The anxiety and loss of hope can be overwhelming, it hit me like a freight train this week. I realizes I was backtracking and decided it was time to make extra effort to reach out electronically and use the Al-Anon tools available online. My home group has started using group meetings through Zoom, I have been hesitant to join since privacy… Read more »