I Don’t Have To Participate in the Drama

I could have written a novel about what alcoholism and addiction did to me and those around me, but today my novel would be completely different. Working the Al‑Anon program helped me move past the anger, bitterness and lack of healthy family experiences that came with growing up with an alcoholic. It also helped me face the effects of leaving home very young to create my own chaotic marriage and eventual divorce from an alcoholic/addict.

Al‑Anon opened my eyes to a sunnier, happier life. I learned that I am in control of my own life, thoughts and behaviors. I could no longer blame the past, my dad, my ex or others for my choices. Today, I have a choice to smile and welcome the sunshine of healing into my life. I have a choice to pick up the phone and call a trusted Al‑Anon friend when I’m feeling blue. I have the choice to go to a meeting and embrace the warm hugs and healing sharing. Alcoholism is still causing chaos in our blended family, but I don’t have to participate in the drama. I am so thankful for all the healthy changes in my life. I found a wonderful friend in Al‑Anon—me.

Daisy P., California

2017-08-10T15:32:08+00:00August 1, 2017|Categories: Alcoholic Parent, Alcoholic Spouse or Partner, The Forum|


  1. Lana July 2018 at 2:36 pm

    A beautiful ​Daisy in California… What more can I say? I’m crying. Perhaps they’re tears of joy in that I just read a short story about myself. Perhaps they’re tears of disdain, for I have just now realized how selfish I have become- to think that my life is so “special” or that I’m unable to relate to anyone. Shame on me.

    You’ve awakened a part of me that I forcibly restrained and buried alive for the entirety of the 31 years I’ve walked the earth. At this moment, I’m quite literally experiencing an epiphany. I’ve been a prisoner of my own selfishness, which until just now, I confused with selflessness. You can only be coy with yourself for so long until someone comes along and snaps you into reality.

    Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring me to take a leap into this program.

  2. C. Nicole May 2018 at 9:57 am

    I feel like I come from such a different world some days…… I grew up in a non drinking family except an occasional holiday or wedding toast and my family was against even advil if you could sleep it off! I am with an alcoholic and addict who is clean but not working a program. Some days I do not believe this is any better , he NEEDS a program. When we first got together he worked a solid program, meetings 5 times a week etc. and then his son grew up and started exhibiting the exact same alcoholic/addict behavior that he did as a kid and the relapse begins….. It has been a few years and yes it is getting better but mom keeps enabling the son to continue the behavior. He is facing jail and we are stepping back and trying to make him face this head on but his son still isn’t working a program, he says he is but I am working mine so I realize how untrue this is. I am trying to hold on but it is so difficult knowing that this enabling will lead to their sons demise. I have gone off of all of my medications in support of the boys staying clean, I have MS and honestly I have never felt better since I took myself off of everything, I just hope my actions will show the boys how much I truly care even if my actions seem less than loving sometimes.

  3. Cheryl October 2017 at 11:44 pm

    It’s very sad for me when I read these few posts. I too live with an alcoholic and have been contemplating going to Al-Anon just to cope. I love him and he is a good guy at times when he wants to be. But at times, there are very bad times. I have forgiven so much that I feel like a loser to have to forgive so much as so many would have just left or got him to leave if they could. It is such a struggle. So many have their opinions, give you books to read to be stronger and again you stop talking about it as again you don’t want to deemed as a loser because you stay with him.

    Not sure if others can feel what I feel and sometimes I feel so alone, have to keep silent so no one knows what I put up with. Others say I have low self-esteem and that is why I am with him but I don’t really understand that. I know I am good person but too accepting of others that have flaws and too forgiving. Possibly they are right but right now I am just venting.

  4. Amy October 2017 at 8:36 pm

    I am glad I read this. I always think the same thing. I don’t want this stupid drama in my life. I’m not creating it. Why do I have to deal with it? I’m starting to understand I can can choose not to participate in the drama my loved one creates. Thank you

  5. Linda September 2017 at 4:03 pm

    I am pretty new to Al-Anon. I have a 30 year old daughter who had the world in her hands, and due to life challenges she took to drinking. Not just drinking but binge drinking straight vodka, would not eat for 5 days, been rushed to the hospital many times, been in detox. Still keeps drinking. I as her mother have tried to talk to her, been there to sober her up, feed her. Beg her to get help. Nothing works. Now my anxiety is high and I don’t know what to do. I fear she will die. I am looking for meeting places, maybe that is a good start for me.

  6. Toni H. September 2017 at 11:33 am

    Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope. I am reminded of where I’ve been, alcoholic father, married/divorced addict husband, adopted my son, married two additional times, son at age 15 became a heroine addict… and where I am now because of “working” the steps of Al-Anon. Grateful to say because I made the change, my son has found his own program and almost has two years clean and a beautiful 1 1/2 yr daughter and takes on his own responsibilities. Even with all that, there is drama “the isms” we face daily, but I only put a toe into it and pull it out quickly because I know better because of Al-Anon. Thank you! Thank you!

  7. Terry August 2017 at 9:09 am

    I was assaulted by my wife of 31 years and left. I refused to stay in a dangerous situation.
    I divorced and found a new, non drinking partner. It was not easy but it was the right thing for me.
    My life is wonderful now. I don’t give advice, this is my experience, strength and hope that I share with you.

  8. Patricia August 2017 at 7:47 pm

    I told my daughter, “if any man puts his hands on you in a physical way, get out of there, and don’t go back”. I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents, where my dad would drink and go into a rage, beating my mother and sometimes we children. I have zero-tolerance for violence against another human being. The program says that we “cannot change another person”, and that “we need to take care of ourselves”. I always try and keep these two principles in my heart and mind. One of the most freeing things I have learned about alcoholism in this program is the phrase: “I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it, and I cannot control it”.

  9. Heather August 2017 at 9:02 pm

    I am currently going through a bad break up with my alcoholic boyfriend. My boyfriend has had a drinking problem since I met him, but became increasingly worse over the last few months. I had stopped drinking with him as I felt I was enabling him, in return he stopped wanting to be around me which adventualy lead to him to cheat on me. I love him with everything I have to love anyone with but last night his alcoholism turned to rage, and then he became physical with me. I know I have to leave him sometimes love isn’t enough ( I never understood that till now).

Leave A Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.