“Introduction of Al-Anon Meeting” podcasts: 2) Did we cause our loved one to drink?
If we are not the ones with the drinking problem, why are we talking about our powerlessness over alcohol? Can we control our loved one’s drinking? Can we cure our loved one’s drinking problem?
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I am grateful that I found Al-Anon. I grew up in a home with alcoholic parents and some of my siblings became alcoholics and drug abusers. I did not feel that I directly caused the problem but for my entire life I searched for ways that I could cure the disease in my family members. To finally realize that I am powerless over the alcohol and drugs and to truly understand the disease itself has allowed me to detach and have some peace in my life. I realized I did not really have a life of my own and I… Read more »
Even though I know that I didn’t cause my dad, my husband or my sons to drink too much, I also have a deeply rooted belief that I didn’t help the situation either. I can see my “ism’s” more clearly every year. Especially at Al-Anon meetings. It’s just so easy to see an “ism” in another person, but it can be impossible to see my own until I see what it looks like from the outside, to others. That’s when I really get the lightbulb moment, and can begin to learn from others’ experiences. I don’t have to reinvent the… Read more »
Hello, I’m new to the group and I have questions that needs to be answered. I have been with my husband for 21yrs and he used to drink every night about 6 to 12 beers a night. And recently he started to drink every second night 6 beers every second night. I love my husband dearly and I lost the intimacy because of his drinking. He is trying really hard I see him trying. I don’t know how to get the intimacy back in our relationship.
My husband is an alcoholic. He went to rehab because I had an intervention – it was done with the help of the recovery center. Well it lasted 5 months. I just want someone to talk to who has been there. I’ve never reached out before. I have 2 kids 9 & 11. I know it’s a disease, I know he has to want to help himself, I just want to understand. I’m letting it affect me so much. I love him. I made a vow for better or worse, but I can’t take it anymore.
I have been in Al-Anon for nearly 20 years now and still learning about myself. I have been married once before and I am engaged to be married again next year. I am finding it hard at times to deal with my feeling when I see my fiancé polish off bottle of red wine two nights in a row. I am powerless and I did not cause or can I cure it.
I’ve been dating a man for 3 years. When we first started dating, his sister had just passed away from drinking for 25 years. I’ve come to learn that his mother was also an alcoholic who stopped drinking after faced with an ultimatum from his father. When we first dated, we both drank socially heavily and never faced any issues with it. A year ago, I started realizing his drinking was more worrisome than just being a social drinker. Maybe it was always like that but since I was engaging the same behavior so I didn’t notice (since then I’ve… Read more »
My daughter is alcoholic and I was thinking I can help her by taking her everywhere there’s therapy. Didn’t realise she didn’t want the help. I did it for 3 years.
Hi I’m new to Al-Anon, my partner has been an alcoholic for many years. We have been together for 19 years and this has had a major impact on me. I never used to think that his drinking would affect me so much. I am emotionally attached, constantly walking on egg shells my anxiety is through the roof as I am constantly worried about his health and how much he’s drinking! He’s been to detox 3 times but has just struggled to stay sober although I am always offering the upmost support. I’ve quit drinking myself (wine at dinner) because… Read more »
I am new to Al-Anon, but not new to the impact of alcohol on my life. I do agree that I am powerless over alcohol because regardless of my various strategies to help my son with his drinking problem, it is ongoing. I don’t want to give up hope that he can be helped but if I can’t help him, he has to help himself. He’s not there yet but I am there. I am ready for him to help himself. It is very difficult to watch this all happen and very distracting to job and other priorities. It is… Read more »
My wife is at emergency as I write. She has been in rehab 3 times in 5 years. Claims she won’t go back again. She drinks in moderation some times, but every once in a while goes too far and can’t stop at all. Usually lasts a few days and then she is back to moderate again. She is getting worse and worse now. Becomes very irrational and does really dumb things driving, going out in public when obviously very impaired. She wanted to walk today. I went with her the first time, but she was clearly drunk and it… Read more »
I don’t know if Al Anon is for me, as I still enjoy a libation or two. I’m afraid the nine year relationship I had with the love of my life is now over. He drinks and smokes pot and sometimes when he has had too much, it’s like a switch flips in his brain and he becomes verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive. He says a lot of rotten things, calls me inappropriate names, screams at the top of his lungs. He calls me stupid, a failure, I will never amount to anything, people don’t like me, why don’t I… Read more »
What I don’t get is I know why my friend drinks. She has told me. She tries to stop. She needs therapy and I have told her I have been when the weight of too many bereavements got too much. When a lot of bad stuff happens in your life you need help with it. I know we all have bad things happen but I feel like there is a reason for alcoholism. I acknowledge that it is very hard to go through therapy as I have told Maria. At first it hurts a lot but after say two months… Read more »
I should have attended Al-Anon years ago. I lived with a sister for about a couple of years whom I thought didn’t have a drinking or substance abuse problem. Until sometime toward the latter half of cohabitation that I realized how much alcohol she consumed. I remember having a glass of wine and seeing my sister finishing the entire bottle of wine (the gallon size). At first, I was just astounded but brushed it off. Then night after night, she would finish an entire bottle while taking an antidepressant, antianxiety, and pain medications. I downplayed the issue. I never brought… Read more »
All I can say is wow. I am the mother of 3 adult children, my youngest is 29. and I have been doing this with him for 10 years 2 DUI’s being hit by a van…and being hit by a car a year and a half later, survived been through 8 surgeries because he broke his tib/fib. miraculously walks with out even a limp. God is something… I told him he should be kissing his leg daily… He says he doesn’t have a drinking problem and he’s gonna keep drinking just because people are telling him what to do. lost… Read more »
I have just found al- anon, as directed by a wonderful marriage counselor. I only wish it could have been many years ago. I had a maternal grandfather who was an alcoholic. Also, both of my dads brothers became alcoholics. Social drinking was considered socially acceptable by much of my family. Watching my mother worry about her single father…and riding many hours with her to go rescue my grandfather from crawling under an 18 wheeler to go to sleep…or staying awake all night before school, as she struggled with trying to keep him from leaving in the middle of the… Read more »
What Lily wrote is what I would write, exactly. I have moved past the point of trying to control the situation and am now on the divorce fence. Should I do it or not. I have found through all this, I’m not as attracted to him as I once was and I don’t respect him like I used to. I’m wondering if these feelings come back or are lost forever.
In reading this title, Did We Cause Our Loved Ones To Drink?, I realized that question never resonates with me. I always felt that I was not the cause of someone’s drinking. Alcoholics and abusive people would like anyone to be the target and blame for drinking. I have been that target. When accused of causing the drinking, I will question the situation, review the circumstances leading to the accusation and I always arrive at the same conclusion: We had a disagreement, but that is not the reason to get fall-down drunk, or We were at a party, or We… Read more »
My husband of 26 years has been a drinker since I met him. I have done the, “If ya can’t beat him, join him.” I have pleaded, argued, cried and left too many times to count. I have gotten to the point of just shutting down and not talking to him when he drinks. This is a very lonely life I have chosen to lead. My kids have moved out and we live together in a 4 bedroom house. We barely talk. Most of the time he is mad at me for whatever he finds at the time. He says… Read more »
I am so happy I found this site, I can relate to almost all of these stories, especially Libby’s. I just did what she does. I left the family room because my husband just woke up from a nap and grabbed for his glass to get another drink again!! My husband drives me to work in the morning and picks me up after work. He is retired. He must start drinking about 1:00 pm because when he picks me up at 2:30 pm I can smell alcohol on him. He is not really drunk at this point, but on his… Read more »
My husband has a drinking problem. His mother had a drinking problem. His brother died from an overdose. His youngest brother has fetal alcohol syndrome. He does have one more brother, but I do not believe he deals with any addictions. We have been married for 13 years and together for 17. We have two young children together. He has always been a drinker, but really became worse once we married. He is very successful in his career, stays in good shape and is very attractive. I do not know if many casual friends would ever guess him to have… Read more »