Concept Three
The right of decision makes effective leadership possible.
Please share your experience, strength, and hope as it relates to Concept 3. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
A question about how do you use Concept Three in your personal life at a recent meeting prompted me to do better as the matriarch of a family with three young men. I have always made the decisions and as many of us, I have obvious control issues. So instead of planning my son’s birthday at my favorite restaurant completely, I still picked the restaurant, but I let my three sons agree on the time and date that fit their needs and wants. Had I not done so, my middle son’s girlfriend would have not been able to make it… Read more »
Concept Three brings to the surface trust, which brings about good and proper leadership. I had learned in Concept Two that delegating was an important principle in our program. In order to delegate anything to anybody we have to trust. I had learned to delegate as I entered into service. I was not sure I was always trusting, but this came when starting to apply Concept Three into my life. With that came real leadership, not the one I had used all my life, which was more domineering, than anything else. To trust is to believe that somebody is honest… Read more »
As I was reading through each of the Third Step, Tradition, and Concept, this month of March, I realized that the common thread I was seeing was respect and autonomy. In Step Three and Tradition Three, it’s the respect each person gets to qualify themselves for membership, no new person has to prove themselves to anyone but their own mind and heart, and so that I’m a member when I say I am, and in the Third Concept, it’s the respect we give each service person to make decisions from the information they gather from each meeting – group, District,… Read more »
Concept Three had for me a much needed wisdom. It mentions the right of decision, but also that this fact makes leadership effective. One doesn’t go without the other. Wisdom in a nutshell! For me it was important to pay attention to this Concept as I had a tendency to give myself the right of decision to a great extent, thinking that I was the leader. For me to be a leader was to be in charge, thus making myself in charge of everything. I was also very good at making my mind about things and in my mind this… Read more »
As the oldest of many children, I was given responsibility and decision-making at an early age. [What]I did not have was the ability to pause, check in with my Higher Power and ask for help from others. I did not have a friend in a similar situation that had a spiritual program to give me guidance and support. Al-Anon gives me all those gifts in addition to the courage to delegate decisions to others and let them face the consequences of their decisions. When my ill-informed decisions did not work, I felt ashamed and kept it a secret or blamed… Read more »
Concept Three touches on mutual trust, which is very important in dealing with others. This is something I never had until coming to the program. It also addresses the right of decision, which was never part of my life as a child and until I left home. Although, I have worked most of my trust issues and my right of decision since coming to the program, both remain fragile. I was not trusted as a child and was not given the privilege of any decisions. My parents did not let me do much of anything and my father criticised me… Read more »
The right of decision makes effective leadership possible. I felt empowered when I realized I had the right to choose. I had allowed myself to be guided and even dominated by others, it was the path of least resistance. I learned to make decisions and then learned to take responsibility for them, which increased my self-confidence. A real shift in my attitude began to take place. Then, the next step and a real “Ah-ha” moment came as I realized I should allow the alcoholic in my life to make his own choices. The lesson kept unfolding as I realized that by trying to… Read more »
Before Al-Anon I thought I had the right to make all the decisions in my household. I felt I was the most responsible one, therefore, it was my right. If I didn’t get my way, [what I call the 4 Ms] would come into play, (manipulation, managing, mothering, martyrdom). At work I always felt less than other people so I never offered suggestions or ideas that probably would have been well received. At work the insecurities and lack of self-confidence would come into play. Neither situation left me with anything positive and actually made me feel worse about myself. On… Read more »
Concept Three reinforces the principles of delegation, so important in the spirit of our program. In order to delegate one has to trust and this is where my problems started, when I first came to the program. I had a serious problem with trust and my insecurities made me go overboard with controlling. I had a hard time with the concept of “the right of decision” as I believed that decisions were for me to make. I also had a warped notion of what leadership was. If I ran the show everything would be as it should. Was it? No,… Read more »
Here is a Concept that would not have inspired me many 24 hours ago. This Concept based on trust toward other people meant that I could not continue to «lead the parade». In those days, even when the task at hand was too demanding, I just hung on to it even if it was affecting my life negatively. In order to bring the necessary changes in myself, I had to realise that others also had good and valuable ideas, that they could many times execute a task better than I could and that they could also bring a project to… Read more »
Chairing an Al-Anon Convention is a big job and a lot of work. It started when I volunteered to be the chairperson, never having been on a convention committee. I trusted God to multiply the workers. At our first meeting five people showed up. At the next meeting ten people came. We gave out committee assignments. Those ten recruited others. Almost eighty Al-Anon members had a role at the Convention that attracted over 300 registered attendees. I decided to host a convention and our district responded. I delegated the authority and responsibility to the committee and trusted them to perform… Read more »
In the current pandemic that has affected all countries, I am very grateful for the right of decision given to authorities on national and international levels to protect us. I am also grateful for our Al-Anon WSO taking steps to comply with the national recommendations for the public safety I am also thankful for blogs like this and Al-Anon phone meetings offered almost every hour.
“The right of decision makes effective leadership possible.” I had an experience at work today. I participate on a committee and was tasked with composing the words for a recognition certificate we’re awarding to a team. When I submitted my write-up to the committee, I realized my email said, “Please use this wording…” Something told me to revise that to, “Here’s my suggestion…” I followed the Something’s guidance, made the revision and sent the email. A few hours later I read the blog on Concept Three. It was then that I realized I had been guided by my Higher Power… Read more »
Taking decisions was very much part of my life, deciding everything whether it was of my concern or not. Leadership was also omnipresent, using it as a way to “boss” other people around. After, being in Al-Anon for a while I had to revise my position with my way of doing things. That is when Concept Three became very important in my life. Now, that I know that taking decisions is everybody’s right and that it should be done without being belittled, criticized and judged, I am trying to give everybody the latitude, the freedom and the dignity to be… Read more »