Welcome to “First Steps to Al-Anon Recovery” from Al-Anon Family Groups. This is a series of podcasts to discuss some common concerns for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
Philene, Marianne, and Mike are with us today. All are active Al-Anon members. Today we’re going to talk with people whose loved ones experienced a relapse during their recovery.
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I have been married to my husband for 3 years and over that time, we have been through cycles of sobriety and relapse more times than I can count. After he got a DUI this year and was arrested, he is now being kicked out of the military as well, prompting an unexpected and unplanned move for us both. Recent events have made him relapse again. I’ve spoken with him calmy and with understanding each and every time I’ve caught him in his lies or when he has been quite clearly drunk. I feel at the edge of my rope… Read more »
Well after years of sobriety my husband relapsed. I come home and found him in the act but at first he lied about it. Then he admitted it but it took him awhile to finally admit it. Recently I have caught him in one lie after another, even small things that make no sense to me. I almost feel that I am being set up for his relapse. Sounds strange even to me. I am hurt and confused.
I have a grandson that is an alcoholic and battles with drug addiction. He has spent about 6-7 years in Court ordered rehabs. He is home again. He has a good job and the drinking and drugs are back. I work on myself working my program, but slip back to my old enabling ways. He started by visiting when he first got home. He has a girlfriend and slowly they started visiting some and then spending some nights and so forth. Now he stays on occasions to get rest. The visits have changed. He is again depending on my place… Read more »
My husband and I started dating after I picked him up from rehab. My parents are both alcoholics, so I should have known better than to marry an alcoholic, but the heart wants what it wants. I wanted to believe the love we had would be enough for him to stay sober since my parents couldn’t do that for me. Of course he loves me, and of course I understand it’s a disease and has nothing to do with me as a loved one. He has relapsed a few times, I have done the angry thing, the supportive thing, I’m… Read more »
I am going to try and make this as abbreviated as possible my best friend of 13+ years has slowly been turning into a person I don’t recognize. we’ve known each other since middle school and have been two peas in a pod ever since. in those years I watched her struggle with her own fathers addiction begging him to stop and dealing with his irrational thinking and lashing out due to him being a HFA (He is finally sober) . She was completely straight edge as some would put it because of the addictions she had watched tear her… Read more »
My husband quit his job, and went to rehab for alcoholism. It was the first time he ever seeked treatment. We have a one year old, and I rely on his help with our daughter and his financial contribution. But he was getting help, and everything was gonna get better. He doesn’t like my teenage son / his step son. My son isn’t the easiest teen, and can be very disrespectful. When my husband drinks I worry that he might loss his cool with my son. So he went away, and it was SO scary ( to say the least).… Read more »
My husband of 2 years relapsed a week ago. We have been together 6 years total. He always had the problem. Sometimes i feel so foolish for staying with him knowing he had this problem. Now we have an almost 1 yr old. She means the world to me. And I do not want her to see any of this, ever. He seems regretful. He went to treatment in August(2016). Been sober for 4 months. Everything was going well. I wasnt terribly upset about the relapse when i found out because i knew it would happen. The outcome of relapse… Read more »
Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs. hes my soulmate and my bestfriend, but he has a huge problem with alcohol, pot and cocaine. We broke up for 6 months because he wasnt able to get a grip on his addiction. We got back together 4 months ago when he got sober again. He promised he would go to an outprogram, which he never did. He also hasnt seen his therapist in a while. He works in the bar industry and ive been trying to get him to quit but even tho he says he will, im not… Read more »
So my boyfriend was almost 60 days sober, he didn’t come home last night. We live with my mother, who is 22 years sober. He relapsed last night and I don’t know what to do, cause I don’t want my mom to think he he is a failure or to be mad. I have been crying all night.
He said he is trying to figure what he has to do next. He starts his out patient program on the 20th, so he doesn’t have a sponsor. I am freaking out. Idk what to do anymore.
Hello. I’m having a hard time today. I’ve been married for 22 years. More than half my life. My husband has always been a drinker, but in the past several years it has become very heavy. 2 years ago, I told him I was done. He asked for help and went to the doctor (Big step for him). He’s been sober 2 years. Last night he came home drunk. I am a mess. I don’t understand?? I know it’s not my fault, but I’m the type that thinks I can “fix” everything. Tonight he’s literally home trying to talk to… Read more »
So relapse is a part of recovery…. but what does that mean for us? we just have to cope with that fact and live with it?? that’s where I struggle… alcoholism and addicts have been apart of my life for my entire life… Even when I grew up and fell in love. I fell in love with and had my daughter with an alcoholic.. One who I love so deeply I allow his struggles and pain to override my need for happiness. always putting his problems above my own. all because he suffers with addiction… one that brings out an… Read more »
My husband has always been a functioning alcoholic ever since we started dating and the was 12 yrs ago . I knew his drinking was bad but he kept dismissing me . Over the few months he lost his job and he told me that he is also addicted to cocaine .. I was so shocked , dissapointed and angry all at the same time . I thought this is the end of my marriage because but through counseling I was advised to let him go to rehab . He went and came back a new man . For the… Read more »
I’ve been married to my husband for 11 years. He was 3 1/2 yrs sober from drugs and alcohol when we got married. He was 1 1/2 years into recovery when we started dating. I’ve didn’t know him when he was using. He just relapsed 3 days ago… After 15 years!! He blames it on the fact that he stopped going to meetings. We started going to church and have been faithful and committed Christians for almost 6 years. He claims that he can’t stay sober with God alone, that he should’ve never stopped going to meetings. The reason…he can’t… Read more »
Hi Hops I am in a similar situation, second time over. What advise does the AL-anon group give to spouses like us who have done everything to support a recovering addict at their own cost, but the spouse considers that we should be okay with repeated relapses and that we are not being supportive. where does it stop ?I have being told that I should understand it is a disease though my husband is choosing to pick up that drink again, in spite of having all the support. In spite of going to rehab twice and trying to remain sober… Read more »
So my husband of 11 years is a functioning alcoholic, I knew when I married him that he was but never having any experience with this selfish disease I did not know about all the repercussions associated. 30 beers a day for 30 years up until last August when he pulled an unforgivable stunt that broke my last straw. I split for 2 days with him begging me to come back, like an idiot I returned home then took off 3 days at work to arrange first a medical detox then unto a 90 day stint in rehab. Foolishly thinking… Read more »
I don’t know where to start. I feel numb and I don’t know where to turn. My husband has been struggling for the last couple of years with his sobriety, so I’m not entirely surprised he started drinking this week (but very disappointed). I find myself disgusted with him when he’s been drinking. The lying and deceit is what I hate most. I can feel it destroying our relationship bit by bit…and it’s been years of lying. What has really messed me up is that he came to pick me up at work today and I should have known better… Read more »
I met the love of my life in high school, we started dating in 2007. We got engaged in April and got married in June, not living together at the moment because we are hoping to buy a house asap. He is an alcoholic and went to rehab for a month, he was clean for 3 months and life was perfect for a few months. Last week he got in touch with a “friend” and had some beers, the next day he got drunk. We spoke and he reassured me that it wouldn’t happen again. I believed him and continued… Read more »
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now. When I met him, I quickly caught on that he drank a lot, but so did I on the weekends so it all seemed fine to me. But then I noticed he was taking a suboxone,and drinking with it. Once I googled what that was I got really scared that there was alot more to it then just hard drinking on the weekends. I confronted him about it, and he admitted he has had some issues in the past with drugs and alcohol and was working really hard to change… Read more »
I’ve been with my alcoholic boyfriend for over two and a half years. In the first year, he tried to get sober, the first attempt lasted for 2 months, with help from meds. After a long relapse, I gave him an ultimatum, go back on meds or move out. He was back on meds, exercising to go on a competition, working hard, and we went on holidays overseas. It was the best 6 months. He suddenly stopped taking his meds without me knowing and relapsed. Since it has been a nightmare. So many attempts and relapses. He refuses to go… Read more »
My fiancee is an alcoholic. 15-20 beers and a half-pint or pint of liquor every night for the first 5 years we were together. He went to the doctor a year and a half ago and quit the next day. He didn’t indicate what the doctor had said, but I strongly suspected there were health issues that drove his decision to quit. I didn’t realize how stressed I was about it until he quit. It was an adjustment at first; he wasn’t nearly as affectionate when he was sober, but it was so nice to know I could depend on… Read more »