What would you tell your pre‑Al‑Anon self?
Please share your experiences by commenting on the topic below. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Member sharing on the Member Blog may be used in future Al‑Anon publications.
This month we’re asking you to share on the question, “What would you tell your pre‑Al‑Anon self?”
To pace myself…..this is a journey and its not a sprint to the finish line….more like a marathon.
That I was unworthy, unmanageable, and I felt like a slave to [the alcoholics in my life]. Being the black sheep for not participating in their alcoholic tirades.
To just relax. Trust others and God.
Alcoholism is a disease and therefore I must treat my AA with love and care, knowing fairly well that when someone is ill I go the extra mile to give support and love to that person.
Admitting that my life is unmanageable and accepting that I am powerless and that a power greater than myself will restore me to sanity. Telling myself to get ready for a spiritual journey will be the most comforting and energising thought.
Dear pre Al-Anon me, you did the very best you could at the time. The addicts also did their very best. You may have thought that it should be more or better. That’s okay you didn’t know any better. Thank you for recognizing you needed help. Thank you for choosing Al-Anon 24 years ago. It made our life better. We are still only doing the best we can, but it is better than before.
The first thing I would tell my pre Al-Anon self to have compassion for the alcoholic, and myself. I’d then say “get to a meeting, no, get to six different meetings; you’re not going to be done in twelve days, weeks, months or years, so keep coming back, work the steps with a sponsor who uses Al-Anon literature and don’t forget to be patient, it’s slow and steady, progress, not perfection.”
I would tell my pre-Al-Anon self that God loves her and she is worthy of that love. I always thought that God was punishing me and that’s why all these bad things were happening to me. I didn’t realize that I had a choice to not accept the insanity in my life. I would tell her to not be afraid or embarrassed to get help. I would give her a hug every day and surround her with people that would uplift her, like I have experienced in Al-Anon.
My pre-Al-Anon self was completely clueless. So if I could, I would come up along side her and tell her that the way I was living, though it was all I had known, was not healthy. That it wasn’t ultimately good for me to be so subservient to the alcoholics and drug addicts in my life – that only hard things would come of it. I would tell her that she is worthy of real love, and that the program would help me learn to relate to people in a healthier way.
I would tell myself that I am a person that counts and I am loved unconditionally by my higher power and myself. My feelings, my thoughts, my choices are all valid. I have the strength and courage to make decisions based on reality and factual knowledge. Al-Anon has given me all the above.
That you did the best you could with the tools you had. That you begged, screamed, wrote out contracts and the list goes on because you wanted [the alcoholic]to recognize their choices weren’t healthy ones.
But now with Al-Anon meetings, literature and family you can now begin to look at life differently. Loving my [alcoholic], but still hating the disease. Using the tools of Al-Anon to help me discover that person that is laying underneath all the chaos and trauma I’ve dealt with over many years.
I would tell her that the work is worth it and things will get better. I would try to remind her of what a good man her husband was before he was drinking. I would assure her that he can and will be that good man again but it will take patience. I will also tell her that she’ll be surprised by the amount of healing she will have to do. How the healing will make her stronger in ways she didn’t even know she needed to be stronger. Most of all I would let her know that her higher… Read more »
There is hope. It is ok to feel happy regardless of what others are doing. Alcoholism is a disease and nothing you do or say will change that fact. You can use the Al-Anon program in all areas of your life. You will learn to love yourself.
I would tell myself in order to keep the peace in my home, I had to give myself away to my loved one. My physical, mental, and emotional well-being was not as important as the one who was suffering. I beat myself up by telling myself that I was never good enough and that I would never be happy and content with myself. It wasn’t until I reached the rooms of Al-Anon when I discovered that yes, my physical, mental, and emotional well-being mattered. I do have a purpose and I am capable of turning things around. I just had… Read more »
I know my pre-Al-Anon self would have a hard time believing me, so I would try to keep it simple. I’d tell her something like this: “You don’t realize it, but you’re miserable right now. When you have thoughts like ‘I hate my life’, the answer is not to tell yourself ‘don’t think that way’. Some part of you is trying to get your attention. Listen to it. That thought is coming to you because it’s the truth right now. You can learn to accept this uncomfortable truth and thereby find a way out of it. There are others who’ve… Read more »
I would tell my pre Al-Anon self that I am good enough, that it is important for me to love myself, and that there is no shame in asking for he!p.
I would tell myself to find Al-Anon sooner. I would see how hard change was for me, and I have used of all my faculties, so for the alcoholic, who doesn’t, it’s even harder. They need the love and understanding and the strength we learn in Al-Anon, even if it’s tough love, detachment and their acceptance of the consequences of their disease. We don’t help them if we don’t help ourselves first, learning and understanding how to deal with their disease.
I would tell myself that there is a better life that is awaiting me if I choose to seek help. I would also tell myself that I don’t have to be prisoner of this miserable life and that happiness is an option that I should explore. Help is just around the corner so I should take the pride out of my head and give humility to my heart and run for it. I deserve the best life I could have and give myself!
I would tell my pre-Al-Anon self that I have choices. That the alcoholic has a disease that doesn’t allow him the ability to make choices. That I am loved and have the ability to love myself and to connect with a power greater than myself to love me. That I don’t have to manipulate or fight for attention to be loved. There is an abundance of it for me.
Hope lives. In these rooms we learn to live in peace. Despair wanes as we willingly listen to what others have to say and as we begin our small steps into this new wonderful way of life. Our lives becomes brighter; demons become smaller. We keep coming back and hope lives.
What would I tell my pre Al-Anon self? I would tell her she’s not responsible for everyone else. She was always so afraid if she didn’t take up the responsibility that really belonged to others which they shirked or neglected she would lose their “love” and be abandoned. I would tell her she’s not responsible for her loved ones choices, attitudes, beliefs, actions, words, behaviour or inactions. That she deserves love just for being herself. I would tell her to follow her heart and get help and support outside the family to find a way to go to college instead… Read more »