When I started in Al‑Anon, I had just turned 30 and met a great guy (my future husband) who was really involved in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.). He suggested I try Al‑Anon because I was resentful about how many meetings he went to! I resisted at first but then tried it, even though I had no idea what it was all about.

Mind you, my parents were active alcoholics, but I didn’t make the connection that this was part of the insanity of my life. At first, I did not care for the part of the meetings where someone would read, “It is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.” Well, 21 years later, my parents still have not found sobriety, but our relationship has improved immensely. I have learned to separate them from their disease. I understand now that alcoholism is a disease, whereas I used to think it was a choice. Today, I have compassion for my parents.

I also go to open A.A. meetings, which helps me understand that my alcoholic loved ones do feel shame and guilt. I don’t see that in my parents per se, but I trust that this is true. I’ve learned that hurt people hurt people. I know that my parents love me, but they have also hurt me. I’m incredibly grateful that I have the opportunity to break the cycle of addiction by implementing the tools of this program within my own family. My boys know that their dad and I are in recovery. They are also aware that alcoholism and addiction run in our family, and they know where to get help if they ever need it.

I can no longer delineate where my program starts and ends because it has truly permeated all areas of my life. I use the principles at work, in my community, and, mostly, in my own home (which is often the most difficult place of all). Al‑Anon has made me a better daughter, wife, mother, and friend by teaching me that I have choices, that “No” is a complete sentence, and that boundaries are enforceable when they are for my protection (instead of being punitive).

I love getting to share what I have learned with others. Being sponsored and sponsoring others are just two more wonderful ways I get to forge even deeper relationships with people who really can relate to the emotional depths that life with an alcoholic can bring. This program is work, but it is worthwhile work! And I believe I am worth the work, because I gain the greatest rewards. I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin than I do now. Service in Al-Anon has given me strong relationships with others and played a huge part in keeping me humble and accountable. I look forward to learning and growing even more as my Higher Power guides my ongoing journey of self-discovery.

By Brianna M.

The Forum, August 2024

Feel free to reprint this article on your service arm website or newsletter, along with this credit line: Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA.